Here is the situation. My girlfriend has been recently accusing me of being selfish and putting her on the "back burner". The two most recent examples she cites are: 1) We went to the movies this past weekend. I used our "date money" to get the tickets, as usual. I asked if she wanted any snacks (popcorn, drink, etc.) she said no. So, I got myself a small drink and popcorn with the date money. This made her totally flip out because she said I was being selfish by using the date money for myself. The other example is I told her I needed to get my hair cut because I'm meeting a potential client for my business so I need to look professional. (Right now I have neck hair, lol.) My girlfriend tells me that she needs $100 to get her hair dyed and cut. I tell her no because I think that is too much. I asked if she could get the cut and dye it herself. She again flipped and called me selfish.

She has no job because she is a full time student. So I am basically supporting both of us. Am I really being selfish or is she just trying to get me to feel bad so she can get her way?

I'm not sure if we're getting all the facts, but if you're both tight on money, then you definitely need to make sure that you're not overspending. Doesn't sound like you two should be going to the movies if you can't afford it.

You're going to need to talk this out with her. If she contiually accuses you of being selfish when she's depending on your money to survive, then she's digging for gold. How would she survive if you gave her zero $?

It sounds to me like she is being completely unreasonable. If you were on a date then it was time for both of you to enjoy together. It's fine if she chose not to get a snack herself, but to expect you not too when you wanted doesn't make any sense, especially if the money was specifically set aside for a date.
The hair thing is the same. A haircut for a guy isn't very expensive, and it is you money. And I would never spend 100$ on my own hair.

I don't know what's going on in her head obviously, but she sounds like the selfish one from what you have said.

Good luck.

Who would dye and cut her hair for $100? Oprah? Half of that might be a fair figure.

Had she wanted popcorn and a small drink, but you didn't want anything, what money would have been used to pay for her movie snack?

Who is paying for her schooling?

Do you live together?

"She has no job because she is a full time student. So I am basically supporting both of us. Am I really being selfish or is she just trying to get me to feel bad so she can get her way?"

WARNING: HARSHNESS

Hmmmm She sounds like a little princess. YOU pretty much a supporting her.

I think that if she wants and expects to go to a salon and spend 100 (lets just say), then perhaps she should get a job. If she doesn't want pop corn and you do, then she gets upset, the again, get a job.

You know, I was a full time college student AND worked full time. I'm not the only one either. So, I don't want to hear this full time student crap!

NO! I don't think you are being selfish, In fact, I think you are being selfless and supporting a girl who is not your wife.

Tell her to get a job and quit crying over petty stuff.

Good Luck.

Thanks for the responses. To answer some of the questions, we are on a tight budget but I recently got my bonus early so I have some extra money. I did put half of the bonus in a savings account though. If she had wanted a snack and I didn't, I would have still used the date money like I always do. She is getting loans and grants for school. Yes we do live together.

As far as her getting a job and going to school, she has said in the past that getting a job would make her school work that much harder. I, just like Enigma, had to balance working a full time job and classes but I did it. I truly believe she just says stuff she knows might hurt me just to get her way.

Money issues aside, it doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. It doesn't sound like you're very compatitble with each other, especially since it doesn't even seem like you're trying to help each other get through this phase of your lives. It seems more like a one-way relationship.

Her approach to money can carry over to other aspects of the relationship. The more aspects it gets carried over to, the more disfunctional this relationship becomes.

If you can't work out a common understanding, then you're better off going your separate ways instead of beating each other up.

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Originally Posted by omega_red_08

I truly believe she just says stuff she knows might hurt me just to get her way.

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Then you should put your foot down.

Is this really the kind of relationship you want for yourself?

I'm not saying that she is a bad person. She may be the sweetest person in the world. Based off what you have told us, she sounds spoild. In today's economy, we ALL are having the struggles of finances as well as working and going to school at the same time. As you mentioned, even YOU balanced out the two. What makes her so special to have you support her, and then she bites the hand that feeds.

You to are lucky to even have "date night" as well as "date money"...

If she is doing this to hurt or manipulate you into getting her own way, well then, either you need to put a stop to it, or deal with it for ever, my friend...

The choice is yours.

Good Luck.