He won't set a date until we sign a pre nuptial agreement. He just signed a contract on a house for us. I didn't want a agreement but he insists on it cause of his last marriage, which has nothing to do with me. I compromised and said okay I'll do an agreement, one my atty draws up but let's get it all done before Jan 1, 2010 and set the date before then. Why? Because I want to be married before I move in to the new house. He wants to wait to the paperwork is done and filed before agreeing to a date. We have had a major blow out about this. I feel its selfish, If I can compromise and do this agreement he can compromise and give me a date before Jan 1st. What does setting the date have to do with anything, it doesn't hinder the paperwork from being done. Im very frustrated about this. He refuses to compromise. His compromise is lets just set a date afterwards...

What is compelling you to move in before you are married? If you want to be married before moving in with him, stick to your principles and don't move until after the ceremony. You are wise to get legal advise since finances are apparenlty already a flash point in your relationship. In the meantime seek marriage counseling together to work through your trust issues. Wishing you much happiness in your marriage...

And why are you not getting the prenup signed, draw it up, and sign it and set a date.

But normally yes he wants to be sure it is done and not put off and put off.

When we first got together over a 1 1/2 yrs ago, he was a mess. Messed up from a horrible divorce and child custody issues. He had nothing but darkness in his life. Now he's a much better father, person and man. However, It has been a struggle to get their. God allowed me to be instrumental in this change. I have been through a lot emotionally with him. Not only that he has two children that he has shared custody of that I will now b instrumental in raising. My children are grown and gone out of the house. I did not want this agreement, however I was willing to compromise, I have compromised a lot in this relationship. I feel that's the least thing he can do since Ive agreed to do this agreement. Which is not cheap. All I asked is that let's get it done before Jan 1st (select a date) so that when we move, we will already b married. He is supposed to close on the new house end of Dec. He is selfish. I have poored my heart out to him regarding this matter. He doesn't seem to have a heart for how I feel regarding this matter. He says he's a man about feelings, well what about mine, I have placed mine on the ack burner to accommodate his wishes. At the very least we can set a date. I have been instrumental in every change that has been made in our relationship and it all has been very positive. He wants to keep all finances and debt separate. Ive agreed to that. But I'm old school, I believe in old fashion values for marriage. We have already been through marriage counseling. I am changing my hold world to enter into his. Shared custody is 2wks mom 2wks dad. That's chg, and kids don't really like me cause I make them clean up behind themselves and provide structure, which is very different from their mom. But I understand how that works and am willling to go through that cycle. But I need to c that he will do something for me and not dictate this major move that should b agreed on. If I can alter my life to help raise children, he can very well set a date as long as all the paperwork is done 1st. We had a extremely large discussion about this last night and I just said marry someone else that u can dictate everything to, cause it may work, but this won't because he doesn't compromise. That's a bad sign for me. He doesn't wash my car, cut my yard or assist me with anything financial, I pay someone to do everything I need to get done cause he's not a handyman. I have had to teach him many things, now he is 40 and in a high position in the military. I can't see after all of this compromising on that one thing, If I do I feel this will open the door for more to come and cause serious strife in the marriage, sleepless nights. I'm to old for all that. He needs to learn when to turn is leadership skills on and off. It would make for a happier home. He can't always b on the receiving end, he must give as much or more as I do.

What are YOU getting out of this relationship? Emotional, household or financial support? Is nurturing him and raising his kids enough for YOU without reciprocation? Are YOU better off with him or without him?

Sasha,

Is this what you want for rest of your life. Iam not saying that marriage isn't about compromising, but its should be from both people. Unfortuantely, he doesn't feel he should, and why should he, you haven't made him. You have been the one to compromise on different matters to keep him in your life. You have mothered him back from a bad breakup, you have even helped mother his children, you put out your money to get things fixed, or done. He doesn't have to worry about anything getting done because mother is there to get it done!! You should have stopped letting him treat you like this, and made him see you as the WOMAN you are. His partner, who there to help, but do everything for.

He seems to be use to you, and knows that you don't want to lose him, so you will back down. Does he really want to married to you, or is he so use to having you around to use. I don't mean to be harsh, but he seems to be getting everything out of this relationship, and you just seem to be giving. I guess the question is are you willing to live like this, as someone's live housekeeper,nanny,handiman,laudry woman, oh and lets not forget when he wants a lover!

We live in two different households. We are trying to combine them. Yes I guess I have nurtured him back to reality but I felt that was God inspired. However, right now I feel as though if I were to give in to this it will definitely set the pace for more. I am strongly considering delaying the marriage all together if not dissolving the relationship even though he has just signed for this new home for us, and giving him his 3400.00 ring back. My peace of mind is really a lot more important to me.Wish he understood really how this has made me feel.

Sasha,

I would go with your instincts. Putting off the wedding until you have a better feeling on what's going on is a good idea. Both need to sit down and calmly discuss your questions to each other. I wouldn't settle for less, you deserve an answer!!

Wonder if we should even live together 1st. We both have been married before.

Maybe you should tell him to stop blaming you for what the ex did and get on with his life?

Id also like to know what this man has done for YOU!

Why would he live with you if getting married is such a drama?

If you need lawyers to iron out your details for you, and still cannot agree, then I would wait to sign anything until a date was set. Why even agree to living with a guy you cannot talk to, and work with, to solve your issues to the benefit of you both? Ain't that what marriage is about?