My husband and I knew each other for 4 years and we were living together. Finally we got married this year 2010. My husband has a 13 years old daughter. Since I knew my husband, daughter doesn't like me at all because she afraid that I take his love away from her. She always talk rude to me all the time. We were living in the same roof. So I was mad and went to talk about that with my husband. My husband was upset because he doesn't want to hear anything , how disrepect his daughter toward me. He said I don't love her and treat her as a daughter.that's why I always having a problem with her and tell on her all the time. He said he doesn't want to hear that. He got mad at me all the time. His daughter is very rude and disrepect, even sometime she disreprect her own dad. She always go on her way to make her dad mad by having bad grade in school and so on.

We tried our best to raise her as a good child but she seem doesn't change her attidue. She was out of control so he called her mom to see if she want to take care a daughter. Her mom doesn't want to because she remarried to another spanish guy and she told him that she only had one children with the ex(they have two children, both kept one). The ex wife hung up on my husband when my husband explained the problem of daughter.

My step daughter doesn't know anything about that. She always think her mom would take care of her all the time so she report child service on my husband twice time. My husband got mad and blame on me for every time she had a problem with him. That really made me upset because I didn't do anything wrong. I am not the one who make his daughter being rudness, disrespect and so on.

My husband has a very hot temper. He doesn't want to hear anything from me for every time I tried to explain to him. Lately, he's stress due to our finiancial and his daughter school grade. He disrespect me and cursing at me all the time. I really don't know what to do. Yesterday I tried to help my step daughter to do essay and she just don't even appreciate about it. All she does is givng me an attidue because she doesn't know how to change the paragraph indent. That's really **** up.

We don't have the printer at home. So I have to go to my parent house to print out her essay. My husband doesn't appreciate about it, he texted me that he already locked the door on me, I have to sleep at somewhere. Don't come home. I texted him back said I tried to print out his daughter essay. Where's his manners. He didn't say anything, all he does is saying " **** u" it really made me upset.

He never show the respect toward me and that's how she saw it from him and disrespect me. We were having a problem with her lately because she want to fit in with her friends in school. Everyweek she come home ask to buy cell phone, this and that. And now she also ask to put make up because all her friends put on make up. I am really tired to hear all of that. I really don't know how to deal with my disrepect husband and this step daughter. *** help.

I would explain that he can grow up and start treating you better. If he can't then you will be leaving and he can raise his daughter all on HIS OWN. I would never allow my husband to text me and tell me to find a place to sleep he already locked door!! I would have gotten my things and left him to survive on his own.

If your not working outside of the home, you may want to consider getting a job asap. As long as he hold all the cards when it comes to your finances, then he has control!

I would sit down with you daughter explain that you love her and want the very best for her. However you will no longer tolerate disrespect from her and explain in what way you mean this, like cursing you out,etc. Explain that you are willing to help her with homework, but you are not going to do it for her, and if she needs copies then she will need to come with you to your parents and print those out. Her homework is hers not yours, if she make a choice not to complete then she will have to face being left back a grade.

Remember you are the wife,not the slave, if he doesn't change then get out and move on with your life. Talk to your clergy see want advice they have for you.

Thanks for your advice. I was so upset that he been treating me bad lately because of his daughter. Every time we had a fight, just because of her. I talked about his bad manners to his sister. She was disagreed with his attitude. She said she will talk to him about that and hope he will change his manners toward me. My husband is very stubborn person. He didn't listen to anybody and didn't want to get help from anybody. Once time his oldest sister wanted to offer help for the problem having happened between him and his daughter. He just ignored her offer and rejected the phone call. I really don't know what to do. I really love him but he is not a good husband because he always has bad tempers almost every two day. I did sit down talk to my step daughter but she is just like watever... listen from this ear through the other ear. I even emailed her to express my feelings but she didn't change her attidude. Sometime I really got mad and didn't want to answer her question. If I don't answer her stupid question or help her w homework, my husband started to pick on me and curse at me. He dropped out of high school so he didn't know anything to help her. We get her to go after school program for tutor. They did help a lot with her homework. However my step daughter is lazy and didn't want to pay attention. So she didn't understand and couldn't do the problem. Her grades dropped last month. My husband got mad at her and he went on to get mad at me also, just because of her grades. Its ridiculous. I'm currently in school so I didn't work. I used to work and he asked me to quit the job because he want me to focus in school and take care of his daughter. Now I don't work anymore. I can't tolerate his manners anymore. I am looking for a job right now. Once I found a job and finish my program, I will leave him and his daughter alone if he still treat me badly.

Teargral,

Iam glad to hear that you are going to continue your education. I also agree with your decision that once you are finished and he has not improved his attitude towards youl, get out as fast as your legs will carry you!

It is very hard to hear someone going through continuous emotional abuse, just to try and keep a marriage together. Is there anyway you could contact a woman's shelter near you and see what help they can give you NOW. They maybe able to give you help now and you can still continue your classes at school. Iam concerned that you are putting yourself in a situation that is just not healthy to live in.

I know that your step-daughter is a handful to you, but have you thought of this from her side of the issue. Her parents are divorced probably a lot due to same emotional abuse that he is putting you through. Every child deserves not only total love and acceptance from their parents, but that should include attention. Unfortuantely, most only get attention when they are doing inappropriate things. But as a child you don't care what type as long as you get that attention you are so desperate for. I feel this what is happening with your step-daughter. That is pretty sad not to get any re-enforcement from your father except him being angry due to what you haven't done correctly. That is probably why she fights you trying to help her with grades, and other things in her life. By helping her, you are taking away her chance of getting that attention, even bad, from her father, that is why she fights you.

I wish you the very best for this Holiday season. Good luck

Her parents got divorce when she was very young around at age 4. her dad loved her a lot and spoiled her a lot because he think she's a poor child who don't have both parents living together. She always got his attention.her relatives have a same thought as her dad does. So every time they come to visit or she come to visit them. They always bought a lot of stuff for her . Whatever she asked, they bought for her. She's 13 years old now but she doesn't even know how to help me clean the dishes or know how to cut pearl. He never taught her anything. Every time she tried to cut something, he doesn't want her to do it. He made me to do it for her because he afraid that she will get cut. This little girl doesn't like to learn in school. All she wants is hang out , have fun and always ask to buy stuff. We have to remind her to do homework and check her homework everyday.we have to push her in extra studying. Everyweek, she always come up something to buy her stuff. I don't work and my husband is the only one who bring home income. I usually said no to her a lot. I told her that I only buy things necessary for us. She knew we were struggling in finiance but she seem doesn't care. My husband doesn't like to hear that I always say no. I told him that we have to save money to pay bills and for emergency situation. He doesn't like that idea. He's the type of person just work and spend today without saving anything for future. My sister in law always advice him about saving, respect, and communication in the family...
He took his daughter out without me on Wednesday night. I was unhappy when I got home from school. I wrote a note to express my unhappy feelings for him in the morning and left the house and went to spend time with my family yesterday for thanksgiving.when I came home last night, I and my husband had conversation. He said I and my step d always having a fight everyday. He feel stress when he comes home. I told him that it was not between me and his daughter. Every time he comes home, he always has conversation between him and her about school grade, about cell phone that she want to have but she doesn't want him to check on her , about makeup and about school complaints. Then he got mad because she had bad attidude toward him. It has nothing to do with me. The only thing I told him that he need to talk to his daughter close the front door when she comes inside the house. I had talked about that with her and she just giving me an attidude. It cost money for electricity by having door opened. I was not happy about that. I told him but he ddidnt talk to her about that. All he does is got mad at me. I told him that every time she made me unhappy I went to tell him and he never solve the problem. He said if I don't do anything to make her dislike me , she would not giving me an attidue.I said I didn't do anything to her. She just don't listen to me when I tell her to do her daily things. I always tried to fix problem, communication and respect in the family. I had changed a lot but he doesn't change anything. That's why we both never feel happy. This family need the communication, respect. A month ago, I even emailed his daughter to express my feelings toward her because I also want her to change her attidue. I told him that if he doesn't believe me, he can ask his daughter. At that time, he just looked at me and speechless. I told him that he never teach her anythings in the right way. The things that she needs to know , she doesn't know. The things that she doesn't need to know, she know it and learned it from her friends in school... so we both sit there silently for a while and I went to the room first. Hopefully, he will change his attitude from now on.