I have been with my husband for 19 years and have 3 children (7, 11 17). Every year around the holidays we drive 4 hours and stay with my in-laws for 4-5 days. We don't get to visit too often but whenever we do, we stay in their home. I like my mother in law, but my father in law gets on my last nerve within about 10 minutes of the stay. He is loud and intrusive and I just feel like I just have no escape. On top of this, when ever we stay, my sister-in-law decides that she will just leave her kids 2 & 8, so they can sleep there as well (she lives nearby). It becomes very chaotic and I just get very overwhelmed. I dread the trip, which could otherwise be pleasant. It is becoming a point a of contention with my husband since we don't visit often. Would it be out of line if I asked my husband if we could stay at a hotel from now on? Is it too late? I just need a place to decompress. Help!

I certainly would insist on a hotel/motel! Certainly your husband is aware of the stress you end up being under.

Will he argue that your mil's house is big enough and is free, so no hotel? Is there a way you could decompress if you stayed at your mil's?

I totally understand your situation! I think it would be great if you could get him to agree to hotel. However if he doesn't, then I would express to him that you will be needing to get out on your own while staying. Go and do some shopping locally to get out and calm down. Go and take a walk( I use to do that, and I didn't care how cold)! I would take A lot of walks in my day, and I would use the excuse that I was trying to lose weight so no other family member thought I was being rude.
Good luck

I believe that you are entitled to request an accommodation for yourself and the rest of your family, if you are being put in an stressful spot, tell him through a conversation, not an argument, what is it that you want and why is it that you want it, so that he can then understand where you are coming from and will probably show you the love he has for you by making these small changes.

Good Luck,

Javi

My former husband and I stayed in a hotel for a few years at the holidays within miles of both sets of parents and our adult siblings. We flat out lied and said we got a free gift certificate for a hotel as a company holiday gift and wanted to use it so we could use the hot tub and pool, and to make it feel like a vacation since we were using vacation time. We chose one evening when we invited my sister in law, her husband and kids and grandma to come over to the hotel to use the pool, and had pizza delivered to eat poolside, and otherwise had our own space the entire time - it was great. I think it was also easier for our parents not to have to accommodate us. Go for it!