I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, he has never been interested in sex, even at the beginig of our relationship. He love me and cares about me a lot and likes kissing and hugging me a lot as well. We occasionlly make love, around once a month or once every 2 months and is usually after I get upset because I have to ask him. He is always tired or sleepy aven whe he doesn't work or study. I resent him a lot because he make me feel that there is something wrong with me, that I like sex too much and I don't care about other things he does for me which, is not true I just feel hurt and unwanted. Lately I don't like he kissing me and huging me all the time but I think it is because I resent him as he think I am the one with the problem. We have talk lot about it, he has even been to the doctor but there is never a permanent solution. We are getting married in a couple of months and I don't know what to do, I feel as a terrible person and it hurts a lot.

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Originally Posted by unodos

but there is never a permanent solution. We are getting married in a couple of months and I don't know what to do, I feel as a terrible person and it hurts a lot.

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Hello un:

You can't fix him. If you're willing to go through life getting laid very LITTLE, marry him. Otherwise, throw him to the curb.

excon

I would suggest for you to call off the marriage unless you are willing to have sex maybe 10 times in the next 5 years. When your sex drive is different (either higher or lower) than your significant other, problems will arise, maybe even jealousy. I would not put myself in a situation like that, if I don't get it twice a day then I am with the wrong person, because I know it will interfere with how I normally am, I am used to a regular dose of whatever gets thrown into the air on a daily basis to the point than I will start feeling antsy if I don't have it. Yes, I am on the other extreme which I recognize it is also unhealthy, but I find people that not only can but actually want to satisfy me completely, and it makes the relationship a lot smoother. It is a lot better than me accommodating to someone's needs.

Good Luck,

Javi

Quote:

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Originally Posted by unodos

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, he has never been interested in sex, even at the beginig of our relationship. He love me and cares about me a lot and likes kissing and hugging me a lot as well. We occasionlly make love, around once a month or once every 2 months and is usually after I get upset because I have to ask him. He is always tired or sleepy aven whe he doesn't work or study. I resent him a lot because he make me feel that there is something wrong with me, that I like sex too much and I don't care about other things he does for me which, is not true I just feel hurt and unwanted. Lately I don't like he kissing me and huging me all the time but I think it is because I resent him as he think I am the one with the problem. We have talk lot about it, he has even been to the doctor but there is never a permanent solution. We are getting married in a couple of months and I don't know what to do, I feel as a terrible person and it hurts a lot.

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Honestly, I would get to the root of the problem before you tie the knot...

It almost seems like depression on his part. What did the Doctor say?

The fact that you said he has never been interested in sex, clearly shows me that this is how it's going to be no matter what.

How is the relationship out side of the bedroom?

It is up to you if this is how you want to spend the rest of your life with him...

I'm not saying that sex IS everything. To me though, it is very important, because there is so much more involved in it, other then sex for the sake of sex.

Does he enjoy doing other things to you other then sex? Does he give you oral?

Have you tried couples counseling? Have you discussed coming to a compromise that you both can be comfortable with? He joins in more often than he may normally want to and you become OK with a bit less than perhaps you would like but enough to feel loved, cared about, and satisfied.

If a compromise can be formed, and you can't see yourself being satisfied with the current arrangement, you may have to end the relationship. The actual act of sex is important to some people and not as much to others... they are happy with less frequency and find the other acts of being close enough to compensate.

You may love each other, but you may not be the best all around partners for each other.

Once a month is too much? Geez I'd hate to hear what he calls my sex life :/

He is certainly not depressed, the doctor did some tests and found all normal.It is just the way he is; his sex drive is just very low.Outside the bedroom our relationship is OK but discussing sex causes tension and he only enjoys kissing and hugging