I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for seven years. He has been a big part of my life, but since I've been away at college our relationship has become nothing more than a few minutes on the phone every day. At times I want to break up but then... I care so much about him. He gets very jealous and can be controlling. My roommate even told me that when I answer his phone calls I sound like "oh, it's you" whereas with everyone else I'm excited to talk to them. I had not noticed it before. But, I don't know what to do, I'm so confused. We have been together for so long. Do I try to patch things up? Or just break up?

I know opinions don't mean much. But advice is always good. My girlfriend went to another country for 4 months in our relationship. I know, It doesn't seem long but it feels like ****ing forever! It's never easy being far from each other especially if you feel lack of effort and compassion from your "loved one". However it is always worth patching things up. It never hurt's to try cause even if you try, you can at least say I did my best. And considering how much he means to you it's defiantly worth a shot. Break up's are never fun and 90% of break up's are caused by misscomunication. Hope this helps

First of all, try not to put too much meaning in what your roommate has to say, about the interpretation of your 'tone' on the phone with him. Most people have a different tone, with mom, than they do with dad, or with their four year old sister, or 90 year old grandmother. It doesn't mean squat.

Seven years, IS, a very big part of anybodys life to share exclusively with one person. I don't know how old you are, but I presume that you were boyfrend/girlfriend right through high school?

You note that he is jealous and controlling, but you don't offer any examples of those traits. Has he aways been jealous and controlling, or has this started since you've been away at college.

College is an opportunity that is just not exclusively for an education in academics. It is one of those opportunities that offers you your independence, whether that be from your parents, your home, your boyfriend, etc. New surroundings, new friends, new experiences, all add up to learning to be your own person, learning new skills, etc. The world opens up to you in such a way, that you have not had before.

Think of summer camp. Once you get used to the idea that you are in a place where your parents are not going to be, you settle down, and learn to live with an entirely new environment. You learn how to swim- overcoming a fear of swimming. You learn and grow, despite yourself, because adapting and experiencing new things, are part of the experience of being at camp. That experience in turn, opens up new interests, new friendships, and it opens up a little door to what independence is like, and, that you can be independent, and thrive.

Your parents don't control you by calling every day, they trust that you are safe, and able to make good choices, and you are able, to overall learn, the benefits of stepping outside the comfort zone of 'home'. College is an extension of that learning process, and one of the main goals, is learning how to be an independent adult, who will come out of that experience, with more skill and more independence, in order to make your way in this world on your own.

To carry on a relationship, long distance, is hard enough. But to carry on a relationship with the same expectations as though you were still living at home, adds a lot more pressure, and requires a lot more compromising of the college experience, in order to appease, and maintain the relationship..

That you are in an independent position now, on your own, thinking without the constant influence of your boyfriend (or your parents), is not a negative thing. You are learning to make your own way, your own decisions, and also decide, without influence from anybody, where you might like to go, not only with career choices, but with life choices.

It would be a shame to rob yourself of any experience, because your boyfriend is controlling, and jealous, because that alone thwarts your freedom. That a controlling and jealous partners influence has such a significant effect on their partners, in the overall scope of things, that factor alone is worth some serious consideration and analysis.

I can tell you that in a general sense, being in a relationship with someone who has those characteristics, are more likely, rather than less likely, to demand more accountability from you, because you are not immediately available. Why didn't you answer the phone exactly at six, when I said I'd call. Where were you. Who were you with. Did you add a new male friend to your Facebook? All types of questions insecure (controlling) individuals have in order to satisfy themselves, that you are following the relationship rules, which are usually unrealistic to begin with, but, because you are not immediately available, are even more demanding.

If you are thinking that you are becoming unsure of this type of person, in this type of relationship, that is a good thing. Because the relationship has lasted as long as it has, does not mean that it was successful. It only means that it lasted because you followed somebody elses' rules, that being the controlling and jealous partner.

Think about the fact, that you are now in charge of yourself, completely able to call your own shots, do anything you want to do, and the only person you have to ever answer to, is yourself.

Well they say true love is hard to end though I also believe your happiness comes first dear, maybe first you could try to go to some counselling on your own to try to analyse the situation you have with this guy and take it from there,its true 7 years is quite a long time but if you aren't happy then what's the point? I was recently in a relationship where I loved him a lot but was so sad in it because of the selfishness he showed towards me and every time I remember the way he treated me I soon forget the love I had for him, hope I helped you enough!