I have been separated from their father for 3 months now and I am looking to go forward with my life. Their father has been emotionally abusive and controlling to all of us and now that I left him, he is using any means possible to get the kids to dislike this man. They are embarrassed of me right now because this man and I became friends before I left their father, however they know that I had planned on leaving him way before I started talking to this man. They consider it cheating, therefore tell me that I either stop seeing him or they will no longer be in my life. I am considering telling them that I will not let them pick up where their father left off in the control, and that I will see this man whether they like it or not. But I'm taking the chance of losing my kids, at least for a time

Wow, I cannot believe that you are actually asking this question. I have been divorced for a year and I am no where near ready to have another "man" in my life. Your children have barely been able to adjust to your separation and now your going to through another man into the mix. Selfish much?

I know you are over your marriage but kids are different. I would not allow the two to intermingle so to say. If you are to see someone I would do it with out the kids involvement until later down the road they can come to terms with the divorce... I will not comment whether it is right or wrong because this could be the person you were meant to be with but then again it could not be. Get you and the kids into counseling ASAP.

Have you even filed for divorce, and yes, you are still married, so legally this is still "cheating" from a legal aspect anyway.

Also how old are the kids, 10 or 20, that may effect part of my answer also.

And just out of relationship a few months and started talking before you were out.
Sorry but you could well be using him as a crutch to get out of one bad relationship. I am a firm believer that you should first at least learn to live on your own and get a firm grip of who you are, and to get over the first completely and be divorced before getting into a new relationship.