Tonight was the final straw when he told me I have no right to give permission to people to use my Mom's land, only he can do that...

Can you provide any additional information about your relationship?

How long have you been together?

Has he always been disrespectful and a jerk?

Yes, definitely more information is needed here.

Good Luck,

Javi

Sounds to me like your husband has some deeper issues, you might try asking him why he feels this way, and be sure to do this in a non confrotational way, making sure to let him know you love and are worried about these feelings he is having.

We have been together for 22 years and this is a second marriage for me and a 4th for him. And before we married, he was an angel and for several years after, then he has become more and more disrespectful. He calls all women derogatory names. His driving is atrocious. I can not imagine why someone hasn't attacked him for his aggressive driving habits. I am afraid to ride with him. I know I should have dealt with this years ago and in a different way, but kept thinking if I could be more tolerant, things would be better. But instead he is becoming more hostile and controlling. He doesn't like my family or anyone for that matter. He is now retired and I am still working. He seems oblivious to the fact that he was able to retire at the age of 60 because I am enough younger to carry his insurance and now I must continue working until I am 66, which means I will have a full 16 more years of working than he. I am just tired and have trusted God to take care of everything, but it seems God wants me to do something, too. I do not like divorce. But... When I try to talk to him, he responds with how awful I am to him... He always turns it around on me. Frequently he yells and cusses me out for inconsequential things, such as if I say I need new windshield wipers on my car... could go on for hours on how I feel...

Marliem,

Life is just to short to be treated like a piece of property to be walked on. He has forgotten to treat like a mere person. I would try and explain to him that you need counseling to save this marriage, if he doesn't and continues to treat this way then you need to make a choice.

I would still get some type of counseling for yourself, if nothing else contact a woman shelter close to you see what advice they may have for you. Also talk to your clergy for assistance. Before you do talk to him, make sure someone knows that you will be having this conversation with him just in case you need to get out to a safe place or maybe have someone on hand when you talk to him, they can be in the other room.

There is something not right with this man, there is a reason why you're the 4th wife!! Did you ever hear from any of the other wife's about his temper or emotional abuse?

Good luck

He's at least consistent. You've known for several years now that you being'more tolerant' of his behaviour, hasn't changed his behaviour, it has only changed yours. Year in and year out, you say he's treated you poorly, and he has now become hostile and controlling. While he may have been married four times, he's been married for 22 years to you, and that is a tremendous investment, for both of you.

You 'don't like divorce', but obviously you are thinking along that line. The 'last straw' seems like you were just maybe waiting for 'one more thing', or that the 'one more thing' was just him going too far, that there is no turning back.

Is there anything that keeps you there? Do you love him? Does he love you? Have you raised children together? Was he a good father?

There must be something more significant for you to have reached this point of no return, as you suggest with what he has said about your mother's land. I doubt that you haven't been in this position of wondering how much more you can take, several, if not dozens of times over the past 22 years. What is different about this particular time, compared to all the other times.

Is there another man in the picture? Has he been unfaithful? Are there substance problems?

What is it in other words, that leaves you hinting that you are ready to make a big change. This one specific thing? An accumulation of 20+ years of things, or is this typically what happens, and you stay, as you always have.

I hope you can offer more insight as to the meaning of your words, what you are thinking of doing, and why now.

I'd suggest marriage counseling - you've both been married and divorced before and you might as well both learn how to communicate. Sounds like you're both set in your ways, and both wanting to change each others ways... you'll need to learn how to compromise and communicate and pick your battles. For example, maybe you could agree that you do the driving when you go out together as a way for you to feel safe and him not to feel nagged. And as for this land thing, you should consider his opinion as your husband and not blow it off entirely, but he should not feel considering his opinion is the same thing as excepting that he will dictate what you do.