Hi. I was talking to my mom the other day about my current state of mind over a breakup I recently went through (yeah that whole "just get over it" type thing) and talked how I'm unsure if I can trust another girl (she did some nasty things to me).. and I asked if she ended up cheating on my dad with my step-dad, and she said yes. It was 20 some years ago, but it just bothers me, it makes me feel somewhat insecure to my upbringing and putting forth my trust in women. I'm not trying to be sexiest or anything, but I feel as though her doing that has caused me to be insecure in putting forth my confidence and trust into a possible spouse. I've been kind of loathing around and not talking to my mom or step-dad (I live with them). I think maybe I should talk to my mom about it more, but I don't want a huge fight, plus it was just so long ago.. But it's just that now I have this huge hurtfulness and anger swirling around about my ex-gf and at the same time about my mom, who I'd normally talk to about this kind of thing with.. it's so confusing. Anyway, any advice would be helpful

Your mother did what she felt she needed to do at that stage in her life. Never judge her, or think any less of who she is for doing "human" things. We all make mistakes. We all "sin".

Next time, be more careful of the questions that you ask. If you cannot "handle" the truth, then stay away from certain topics.

She is still your mother. And she isn't perfect. No one is.

Not all women cheat. The world is full of trusting, loving, adorable, precious, make-ya-forget-your-name, females. Go find one, and treat her like a QUEEN.

Good luck.

How old are you? It appears that you have to be over 20, so grow up.

Sure your Mom made a mistake 20 years ago, but if she stopped cheating, then you need to stop with the questions. She's only human, so let it go.

I can see this is from 2 years ago, but I do have to add my comment for anyone else who googles the topic like I did. It is never OK to cheat. I am actually in your same situation except I am the mom. I cheated on my husband with my now current husband. I have an 8 year old son and he has an 11 year old son. I think about this exact subject on a daily basis. I know that when the children are old enough to figure out what actually happened, they will be very angry. I actually think of leaving my husband due to this. We created a relationship built on lies. We hurt the spouses we were with and we will end up hurting our children once they find out. I would rather be alone then have to look my son in the face and acknowledge that the reason his father and I are not together was because I made poor decisions and didn't appreciate the meaning of marriage. So no, I think you have ever right to be bitter. I of course know that your mom if she is anything like me would NEVER do anything that she felt would hurt you in anyway. People do make mistakes but when the mistake involves the way you were raised and the other person who created you getting hurt... it is a tough one to just "get over". I hope you do talk to her. I expect to have a long conversation with my son when the time comes. Take care!

Not all relationships are meant to last. I was miserable in my 13 year marriage. We got married simply because my grandmother was coming to Illinois from Texas and my Mom was having such a hard time dealing with her oldest child "still living in sin". So we got married quickly. He traveled for his job, home a weekend, gone 2 weeks, etc... for years. It was only after the plant shut down that I discovered how much I did NOT want to be with him. Yes, I had an affair with my boss, yes... we divorced our spouses, NO... according to my counselor... I was not looking for a relationship but was susceptible to compassion.

You have not walked in your Mom's shoes... you do not know why she made the choices she did. YOU are young... YOU will make decisions that will impact others. Just know my children call their step-dad "Dad" but their biological father, the sperm donor. They were 8 and 10 when we divorced.

Lighten up on your Mom.. she can't UNdo the past. Hindsight may be 20/20, but I wouldn't change a thing. I am so happy with my decision.