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-   -   This hurts... Help? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=526137)

  • Nov 15, 2010, 12:53 PM
    carmenchild
    This hurts... Help?
    I was dating a guy for about 3 or 4 months when I broke up with him, since then I had gotten back with an Ex who left me last year, but the thing is The guy I broke up with was "in love with me", I told him truthfully that I wasn't ready for a relationship with that type of intensity yet. So last week he stormed out of our English class and got really sick... Turns out he has a stomach ulcer. So every now and again he throws up blood... And before all this we were like best friends right, that's the reason I broke up with him was because it felt really akward for me to be with him like that, but for some reason... we were talking and he asked how we would even be friends out of high school. And I told him that I would love to keep in touch, but when he replied he said (direct quote) "I don't want us to"
    How can he go from "I love you and I want to be with you forever don't leave me" to "I don't want to even look at you any more... I know the feeling of some you really thought you had something with to suddenly leave for no reason but I accepted it and didn't fight it and yet here he is... just sad... and leaving me 100%
  • Nov 16, 2010, 12:26 AM
    ironhide262
    Hmmm... you need to learn a bit of empathy for this guy. I mean think about it. You decided to break up with him and that's OK... that's your choice and you have the right to move on if you were not happy in the relationship. BUT, this guy still loves you, and is showing some, I'll be it, very hard physical and emotional symptoms to the shock of this relationship ending. He has to move on somehow, doesn't he? Do you think it would be easier for him trying to be buddy-buddy with you now? The best way for him to do this is to try to not have any association with you at all... so he can heal. He doesn't see this break up the same way you do.

    One day he may want to be friends, however , for the time being you should just respect the fact that he wants/needs space. Everyone takes breakups differently and while 3 or 4 months doesn't sound very long, obviously this guy had/has a very strong emotional attachment to you/ the relationship.

    You wanted out of the relationship and for the most part it is usually much easier for the dumper to come to terms with the relationship ending... you have the benefit of some time to reflect and accept it before the relationship was formally over... for him it probably came as a big surprise. Love is a powerful emotion, not like a person can just switch it on and off. I may be wrong but, I feel that if you have truly been in love and experienced a breakup of that love you would understand what he's going through.

    But, I'm not trying to pick on you or anything. You were right to end it if you were not happy. Just give him time, perhaps you will be friends, perhaps not but, there is the chance we all take when going into relationships.
  • Nov 24, 2010, 04:06 PM
    simii
    You have left him and now you are with some one else he loved you and respected your decision and set you free you know it's the hardest thing to do to see the person you love the most go to some one else he is sick emotionally and physically let him go he was your very good friend he might come back to you just give him some time or may if he don`t *** back he will always wish for your happiness and so should you do... with time things will settle down and he may come back to you and ou both can be good friends again just give him some time to forget you and move on in life.
  • Nov 26, 2010, 11:06 PM
    esme_wolf
    When a person puts themselves out there like that they take a big emotional risk. Of course you were right to be honest about how you feel but that won't change the fact that he is now embarrassed and hurt. He may still love you and want to be with you and at the same time not want see you again. Have you ever felt so humiliated that you just wanted to disappear. That is how he feels but since he knows he can't disappear, he just wants you and his humiliation to be out of sight and out of mind right now. Give him some time and try to talk to him again in a month or two. Let his embarrassment die down a bit. He may have even moved on to another romantic interest by then!
  • Nov 27, 2010, 02:33 PM
    Collegeguy_24

    I am in a similar situation. I was completely in love with my ex, and still am. SHe even told me she loved me and wanted a future with me for almost a month straight before she just decided to break up with me.

    We dated for 4 months, and she just left and immeditll started dating someone else.

    Its been almost 4 months since the break up, and while I am dating someone else right now I still miss my ex and want her back. Your man is in a similar situation.

    He needs time, do no call him, text him, email him, anything. If he is your friend on Facebook do not, under any circumstances, post your in a relationship with someone else unless he does first. It happened to me and it hurts tremendously. If you really care about him like you say, then follow the advice above.

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