My boyfriend just told me as a kid he had sexual relations with boys but says he was at the time confused but still have gay thoughts as an adult but claims he's not gay should I believe him?

Do you believe him?

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Originally Posted by confuse84

but claims hes not gay should i believe him?

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Hello c:

Sure, why not? If you don't believe him, then you're not going to believe him about other stuff. A relationship is MUCH more about trust than it is about sex. If there's no trust, there's no relationship. Either take him at face value, or go...

excon

If he's telling you that he had sex with boys, and he still has thoughts, as an adult, of sex with men, then you have no choice but to believe him.

I don't know why anybody would make that up.

If you are wondering if he is gay now, because of his past sexual encounters, and that he still has gay thoughts as an adult male, only he can tell you that. If he's opened up enough to tell you what he has already, all you can do is talk o him more, and see if you can't get a sense of where his sexual orientation is. But if he is unsure, I'm not so sure you can be sure yourself.

He could very well, still, be confused about his earlier experiences, and is still confused enough to have thoughts now, as an adult. He could have had some experiences in his youth that were not voluntary, or were abusive in nature in that situations were forced upon him.

It is a tough situation for you to be in, but in fairness to you, it is better that this is out in the open and dealt with, as much as you can, so that you aren't continuoulsy wondering if he's gay or not, or bi or not, or a straight male with a history that was 'just' experimentation and nothing more.

Maybe the bigger question is, can you continue to have relationship with someone that you are unsure of. All you really can do, is try to understand more of what he's told you so far, and if you are unsure still, whether he could be gay, realize that if he is, him telling you he's not, or would rather not be, is not something in his control to change.

Comment on slapshot_oi's post
Yes I do believe when he says he is not gay but if you are having gay thoughts what does that mean?

How can you tell someone you have doubts about our relationship?

You sit down with them and discuss with them what it is your having doubts about.

It could be something that could be easily resolved with a little open communication.

I guess you should just talk openly about the things and what things are there which are bothering them and what you can do to correct it. And if u think you can fix those issues and you and her are happy with it than its great go ahead with your relationship.

Talk to them honestly, and calmly, and be prepared to listen closely!

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yes I do believe when he says he is not gay but if you are having gay thoughts what does that mean?

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That's what talking honestly, and calmly, and listening closely, is all about. So you can get to the truth.