Yes. Forgiveness is for you, not for her.

What had happened that she didn't attend?

Nothing; she had to wait 5 minutes for me the week before at a film screening so that I could thank my dad & uncle for coming & she didn't like waiting & not being the center of attention. She says "those five minutes felt like an ETERNITY" :/

She ran off and we were supposed to go to dinner that night, but she didn't tell anyone where she was going and we didn't know where she went or what happened to her.

Please respond in the Answer field, not in the Comment field.

Do you often have problems with her spacing out or being difficult?

Unfortunately all the time.

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Originally Posted by imaveronica

Unfortunately all the time.

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Then what's not to love?? ;) You should be used to this by now.

She does this to everyone?

Because she does crazy things like this and then expects me to apologize to her because in her mind I caused her to leave the screening and not go to my graduation... she takes everything personally and blows situations out of proportion.. I've spent my whole life apologizing for things I'm not sorry for simply because I lived with her and had to get along, however, I'm an adult now, live alone and support myself but would still obviously like to get along with my mom at least on some level, simply because she is my mom. She doesn't have the opportunity to do this to more people because she pushed so many people away already. I don't think she has many close friends or people she can even talk to anymore, and I feel bad for her..

Stop apologizing for things that she did.

Just say "Oooops!" or something. Talk over or past whatever it was. You're smart. Think of a way over this speedbump.

Thanks, I wish it were that simple, but "oops" isn't enough for her.

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Originally Posted by imaveronica

thanks, i wish it were that simple, but "oops" isn't enough for her.

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Then what does she do? Disown you? Stop speaking to you? Maybe "oooops" should be enough for you. Set boundaries, and don't let her cross them.

She stops speaking to me and refuses to see me even though we live 30 miles away.

How long does that last? Until you give in? What if you didn't give in?

Can you have a little chat with her and tell her your boundaries?

Until she gets lonely. And I feel sorry for her.. I have tried to explain these things but she's very good at manipulating the conversation, think annette bening typecasted as the narcissistic mother..

So what can/will you do? You have to set boundaries and name consequences (like she's a little kid), or she will continue to run rough-shod over you.

I just wish I wasn't raised by a crazy person; I feel I've grown up with an alternate reality and I'm scared that I'll become her.. she says things like she didn't want kids because she was afraid she'd become her mother. I said, "why did you then?" she says "because your dad talked me into it."

You seem pretty sane to me. Trust in yourself, and check in here now and then so we can look you over. ;)

I just baked a batch of blueberry muffins. One (or two) of them is calling my name. I'll be back in a half hour or so to check on your sanity and make sure your eyes aren't wild and crazy-looking.

Thanks! You are so sweet, where are you from and are you a professional?

Aaaaaw, thank you. If you look at my profile, you'll see I'm a retired career librarian, a professional counselor, a professional parent (LOL), and a professional writer. I'm also probably a professional cat owner and a professional baker (more LOLs). The muffins were very good, by the way. I did eat two -- couldn't resist.

Be sure to give us updates -- and tell all your friends about AMHD!