Hi! I'm feeling awful.. I'm a member of the Rowing Society here in my college town, and we have this list of people who've kissed at a party.
Last Thursday was a party when I'd gotten really drunk with my friends. And I know it is stupid, and I've got no excuse for it.. The boy I'm in love with wasn't at this party, so at one point this other guy started hitting on me, and I call me crush up and text him that I want him now and stupid things like that, whilst getting it on with this other guy...
So I went home with him and we had this awful drunken sex, next morning we met up to get the morning after pill because, here goes, I kind of was a virgin. So yes I feel really bad about that too. Well I wake up next to him, because my crush sent me this text: 'Woow, was someone put in hospital for you having to call me that often?' I texted him my apologies but I've had nothing back...
Naturally, other guy and I are now on this kissing-list, with the worst comments ever (''has low standards''.. ) and I feel like I could die. There's no one I can talk too because I've always told everyone I wanted my first time to be special. I feel so cheap and I'm terrified I've lost my crush to this.. Can anyone just reassure me or something? I feel so messsed up..

Unfortunately, what is done is done now.
This is how you grow up and learn from your mistakes. There isn't much you can do besides being careful the next time (use protection, please, it's not only to avoid pregnancy, but also STDs) morning after pill isn't contraception.

The only thing you can do is to keep your dignity, I would stay away from alcohol/parties for a while and find healthier things to do.

I agree with Pan, you made a mistake, and suffer the consequenes of that. It will 'sting' for some time, and there is nothing you can do about being on a list of 'kissing people' which I take to mean, 'easy'?

While this time, you blame the alcohol, realize that the whole problem started with the choice to drink. And the choice to go past a comfortable limit that you should have set for yourself before the party even began. If you had been better prepared to manage your alcohhol intake, you would have been better prepared to manage your behaviour. So, let's not blame the alcohol, as in the devil made me do it sort of way.

Getting 'really drunk' should never happen. That is not social drinking. That is binging. It has, obviously, consequences, the moment you have that first drink, because the goal is to get drunk.

Everything that followed was drunk behaviour, that would not have happened, had you maintained a limit for yourself. The next time you attend a party, decide to have one beer for example, every hour. It is the only way to maintain all your other personal standards, and not compromise any of them. If you don't find a way to modify and change your drinking behaviour, you can expect more parties with more problems, and more embarrassing moments.

Another consequence to the decision you made, probably cost you a shot at getting to know the other guy, at all. What you did was prove to him, quite directly, that you were drunk, that you were out of control, that you were (probably) obnoxious and confusing on the phone. A sober person would have a hard time taking anything you said seriously, unless they too, were as drunk as you were.

I know and appreciate that you are hurting over this, and you are taking your lumps and feeling the consequences of your decisions. But, don't beat yourself up. Instead, resolve to never attend another party and drink more than you have pomised yourself that you can handle. If you cannot handle self restraint, and drink socially, then you have a bigger problem. Many good people who cannot control their drinking (and thus their behaviour), have lost far more than their dignity. Be very aware of your surroundings, your drinking, and your own behaviour. Modify accordingly, and you won't have to worry about having sex with a man you don't know, or otherwise wouldn't have had sex with. Nor will you wake up needing to take a morning after pill, nor will you have other stories following you around about what you did that night. Just put a stop to it.

Then, forgive yourself. Take control, put the 'incident' behind you (we've all done stupid things), thank your lucky stars that you are smart enough to see this for what it really is, and then let it go.

Hey!
Thanks for the answers. I truly am feeling better now. For most of my life I have been very careful with drinking and I've always known my limits(I rarely drink at all, I spend most of time on sports and college): that's one of the reasons I freaked out so much. I think my first thought was that this could change my safe life, but I've found out that it isn't all too bad. I haven't talked to my crush yet but I have decided to take things as they come. Hopefully, I won't make such a mistake again, but then again, I suppose making mistakes sometimes in one's life just happens. I haven't been taking contraception because my sex life wasn't active in such a way, but from now on I will remember to use a condom, and when in a relationship I will definitely get contraception.
Thankfully also, the boy I slept with that night is really nice about everything: it wasn't something he'd usually do either, so we've talked it over and I suppose we're sort of friends now. Everything worked out as good as possible, except for the boy I like, but we'll see. Maybe he's able to forgive me, if not, move on and live on:) right? Thanks again for your answers!

I like your attitude, Eleonsolaria! :)

All the best to you.