Am in situation I don't know where to start , I broke up with girlfriend in may and we had been together for 4 years , we still talk she comes over my place almost every day , she cooks for me , does my laundry , still have sex every now and then , I tried a couple of times to talk to her for us to start all over a new relationship but we always end up arguing as if we were dating , well within this period I tried dating other girl but just to realize that am still deeply in love with my ex ,well she told me she still has feelings for me but that passion is not there anymore and the love she had for me is like dying althou it come back every now and then but not strong as before that's what she tells me most of the time I try to talk of getting back,. she is worth it to , I tried avoiding her not picking up her calls or not seeing her for a week last night she busted into my apt (lol) saying she was worried if I was OK... what do I do to get her back , I need some help

The best thing you can do is to move on without her. She's made it pretty clear that she cares about you, but doesn't really love you enough to work on the relationship.

She seems to want to have her cake and eat it too. She'll keep coming over and hang onto you by a thread until she meets someone that she wants a relationship with and then you'll be history.

Why don't you have some pride and make the first move to totally end it - no contact!

You don't try and get her back. You remind her that you two have broken up, which means she does not call, text, come over, have sex, none of that. You do your own laundry and cook your own meals.
Go NC and work on getting over her. This thing you are doing now is insane.
Her breaking into your apartment? Crazy!
It's over young man, stand up and put your foot down. Leave this girl alone. Your putting your foot down will be just what she needs too.
You both need to move on. But it won't happen as long as you're doing this crazy stuff.

If you don't stop this now, it will keep going this way until she finds someone else, and gives you the poor "we're not together remember?" excuse.
Cut it off.

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Originally Posted by deoni

we still talk she comes over my place almost every day , she cooks for me , does my laundry , still have sex every now and then

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What is it exactly that you are missing? A Facebook status or being able to hold her hand in public? It sounds like she is practically your girlfriend, what is it that you actually WANT? If my girlfriend had broken up with me but she was still doing all of those things, I would not feel bad at all.

Good Luck,

Javi

It doesn't seem like a break-up even happened. Enjoy while she sticks around.

You have all the motions of your relationship but not the love. Is it worth it? I doubt it. Your hurt. Your confused. Four years is a long time. But the love isn't there. The hard part now is to break that cycle. She doesn't need to be cooking or doing your laundry. Basically all you sound like now is friends with benefits.

Explain to her she is not to be doing those things for you any more. Move on. Find someone who will love you and not do these things out of habit. You need to cut the strings with her. I can totally see her doing all this until her next Mr.Right comes along. Then she will be gone leaving you behind and bewildered.

What is she getting out of this? If she doenst love you then why is she doing this? Is she just buying her time until someone else comes in to her life. She is leading you on I feel.

I think she may be filling a need as well. 4 years is a long time, she no longer wants the relationship but she can't quite pull away either. For both of your sakes NC is the course that needs to be taken here.

Well its a lot deeper that that because I still love her ,there is no passion btween us its like friends with benefits , it sucks

I know you sound mean but that's the honest truth about everything ,like today she came to my class to take me for lunch, its really a crazy situation , but there is no passion like you said cut it off I wish I didn't still have any feelings or love for her

Trust me easier said , difficult to do esp if you still love the person , I wish it could be done ,I would have loved to cut it alll no contact

What's NC

Yea I think she is trying to buy time , that mayb totally true , and basically were just like friends with benefits its hard for me to be with her that way ,

NC is no contact.
I'm not trying to be mean I'm just telling you how it is so you will understand what I'm saying. I also know this is painful for you but growth is painful. You can keep this up and suffer, or you can make a break and suffer for a while and walk away a stronger and emotionally healthy person.
This is doing neither of you any good.
It can be done, it is done all if the time. You should read some of the post here and see how well NC works

Greenies homegirl.

What makes more sense. Keep doing what your doing and feel all this pain we are reading. Or just make the break and finish it and be over it a little quicker. She is hurting you. She is dragging out the total break off for her own selfish reasons. You had four years together. It's a long time. It's a pile of history. But her love isn't there for you. But she is still hanging on to the routine and that comfort zone. Break it. Your wasting your time. You will get over it. You don't see this now but you will.

A OK... well it is harder, not impossible to move from an emotional relationship to a sexual one... and the transition into the single world again it is also made easier by this type of situation.

No no no stay away from any contact if you want to heal. Sexual is just going to drag it out. Your connected in the most intimate way if your having sex. For that time your logical thinking isn't so logical. Its just a recipe for disaster. Not a smart idea.

Thanks a lot for the ad , I wish I could its hard , I thought of giving one last try to our first date , am not going to mention anything about getting bk ,it hard ,its like dealing with 3emotions ,love and let go ,what do you think it mayb worth just a date

I don't think your crazy for considering this. Your grasping at whatever straw you can. I think your crazy if you do it. Why do you want to be with a girl who has straight out told you that the passion is not there. The love is not what it used to be. Why? If you keep trying your setting yourself up for another fall. Start the distance now and keep going. If you look back and try again you will have to start the pain all over again. You can do it. Focus and move forward.

I want to just do it and cut it off no conctact , cut her off my phone line and our joined acts , its like a good bye,huhh its hard