Ask Me Help Desk - Does my professor like me?

So on the first day of class he was reading through the roster. And when he got to my name he started asking me a bunch of questions about my cultural background and where I am from and had like a 3 minute conversation with me when he was just going through the roster! Everyone in the class just kind of looked around like "what's going on?" After class, he walked out with me and started asking me a bunch of questions about what I wanted to do with my life and whether I was a senior and all of this stuff.

So every class since then, he always calls on ONLY me randomly. Not about questions pertaining to class. He'll just say something random then say "isn't that right Alicia?" after everything.

One class as I was leaving, he found another excuse to talk to me, asking me about my last name and the origin of my last name. I just figure maybe he's into culture or something. And I kind of just overlooked it.

Classes went by and he continued to do the regular old thing that he always does... Which is call on me and only me by saying stupid things like "Oh wow you should have seen Alicia's face when I said that joke" or "Alicia doesn't look like she agrees"... Again I thought this was weird. But I just figured maybe he's nice?

A couple weeks ago I missed a whole week of his class without explanation, and when I came in it was almost as if he was pissed at me. He wouldn't look at me. And this time he went around the WHOLE classroom asking them how they were and intentionally skipped over me! I was completely shocked. I started to feel really bad. After class he didn't try and talk to me like he usually does, he just went straight to the white board and started erasing.

The next class I stayed after to talk to him about a test grade. He said he didn't grade it yet, but I shouldn't worry because I had always gotten A's on everything before and he's sure I did fine. Then I told him that I really don't think I did fine. And he told me that if I wanted an A in his class by the end of the semester I would have to sit in the front of the classroom in front of his desk for the rest of the semester...

After that I went to the bathroom and I guess he must have to, because just as I walked out of the women's bathroom he walked right of the men's bathroom! He started asking me about my letters of recommendation for grad school and if I needed one. Mind you I have not been in his class for a whole semester, so it wouldn't seem right for him to write me a letter of recommendation if I hadn't completed his class yet, and usually you have to BEG professors to do that stuff for you because they're always soooo busy! I told him I didn't need one. And he was like "Are you sure? You've already asked the professors that you need them from?" And I was like "Yes.... I'm sure" And then I stopped at the door and he said "Oh are you going this way?" I said "Yes" And turned and walked out.

So today I sat in the very front of his desk today. And when he came in he says in front of EVERYONE, "Alicia. You're in the wrong seat today." I'm REALLY shy. So all I did was smile because I was super embarrassed. Then he says "That's a very good seat considering what you got on your test."... I was EVEN MORE EMBARRASSED...

So he starts his lecture and during his lecture he keeps on saying things like "Don't you agree Alicia?" referencing me for no reason like he always does. Then he asks the whole class a question, but then he says my name after it, even though he directed the question to the entire class.

So after class he hands me back my test, and as he hands me back my test he gives me this look like "You've been a very bad girl" type of look. Let me tell you. This was an essay test. And I hadn't read ANYTHING in the book. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. I wrote like 10 sentences and none of it made sense! I didn't even know what the topics were about. I should have gotten a COMPLETE ZERO... The scores on the side of the paper add up to 9/30 but the grade on top that he gave me was 60%... Keep in mind 9/30 is NO WHERE NEAR 60% and I didn't even deserve 9/30 let alone the 60%...

I'm so confused... Do you think he's just being nice? Or does he like me?

This guy scares me half to death. I'd find out about changing classes (or dropping this one), and then avoid this teacher.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

This guy scares me half to death. I'd find out about changing classes (or dropping this one), and then avoid this teacher.

It's too late. Last day to drop was last week. :( And I need this class to graduate. Do you think I am overreacting and reading too much into the situation?

I would ignore any comments he makes about you, sit toward the middle of the class, do my classwork as you would for any professor, do not discuss him outside of class, or give him any acknowledgment that you are with him or against him.

I have absolutely no idea why he's picking on you/picking you out in this way. I'm so sorry you are in this dilemma. I'd even consider reporting him to the dean if he doesn't stop what he's doing, but depending on how new he is and how well-respected by his colleagues, that may make even more trouble for you and label you as a giddy student.

This guy sounds like a creep.

I would do whatever it takes to get out of this class.

Don't be alone with him.

If it makes you uncomfortable then remove yourself from the situation. Don't fob your feelings off. They are more than likely spot on.

I would confide in a close friend/school counsellor at school so they know what's going on.

How old are you? Tell your parents?

I don't want to ignore him... Because as creepy as he's being to me, and as much as he is embarrassing me... I don't want to hurt his feelings if he IS really just being genuine... And I'm worried that if I stop playing along with his stupid game, my grades will go down.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrownDeceit

I don't want to ignore him... Because as creepy as he's being to me, and as much as he is embarrassing me...I don't want to hurt his feelings if he IS really just being genuine... And I'm worried that if I stop playing along with his stupid game, my grades will go down.

Why are you buying into his creepiness? For grades? So as not to "hurt his feelings"? Why isn't he worried about YOUR feelings? He is just being "genuine"?? Now I'm really starting to worry about YOU!!

I gather you are "enjoying" the "attention" he is giving you, and don't want it to stop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Why are you buying into his creepiness? for grades? so as not to "hurt his feelings"? Why isn't he worried about YOUR feelings? He is just being "genuine"???? Now I'm really starting to worry about YOU!!!!

I gather you are "enjoying" the "attention" he is giving you, and don't want it to stop.

Wow. That was really rude. I never said I was enjoying anything. Honestly I am a really sensitive person and before I do something that may hurt someone's feelings I always try to give them the benefit of the doubt...

Browndeceit,

We have all heard of the so-called professor who always pick a student to show EXTRA attention to. Iam very concerned that this particular professor has chosen you for his extra attention. In my opinion these type of people are no better then any other sexual perverts. They are not stupid, they know exactly who to target. Its usually the student who is shy, who wouldn't tell them off or report their unprofessionalism. They watch for your reactions to different questions or situations they put you in. They also think they have you hooked when they give you grades that you don't deserve, they know that you need their class to graduate. You are probably not the first VICTIM nor will you be the last. It is a shame that a young lady cannot go and just get her education without being a target for a sexual offender. He is not better then any other sexual offender, he is offering you better grades, just like a stranger will offer a child candy!

Please be careful, if he doesn't get his way, he will hold your grade over your head!! That is their control. I know you are a smart woman, and don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but please don't let anyone make you their VICTIM due to your kindness.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrownDeceit

Wow. That was really rude. I never said I was enjoying anything. Honestly I am a really sensitive person and before I do something that may hurt someone's feelings I always try to give them the benefit of the doubt....

I didn't mean to be rude. I was simply shocked by your response to overlook his behavior and why.

We have no idea how many other young women he has played this game with -- or how many more he will do this to in the future. Maybe it's time to stop him? Certainly other students are uncomfortable with this, or perhaps suspect he has some agenda with you at the top of it.

Alicia,
What is your nationality? What class are you taking?
How old is the professor? Is he married?

Don't worry about his feelings. He's totally inappropriate. Report what's going on to the chair of the department, and also ask if you can still drop or change classes, and if there's another instructor who offers this same course. Alternatively ask if you can complete the work for the course and have it graded by someone other than this professor so you can finish without being subjected to being around him. Tell the school that it's their responsibility to manage the situation so that you don't loose time, money or credit and also don't have to be subjected to his treatment.

He goes out of his way to single you out and embarrass you and you are worried about hurting his feelings because, and only because, he's manipulating you to feel badly. This is why people in authority such as priests, teachers, bosses should not flirt with or show personal interest in their charges - it's an unequal relationship from the beginning and too likely to be abusive to the person with the lesser power.

I think he's a much bigger problem than you are recognizing and he could become a stalker or even violent toward you, so take this dead seriously.

When I was in college, there were a couple professors who I know often had the student of the year, they would be sleeping with one ( at least) each year.

And I will say at some point you have to be concerned about yourself more than hurting others, when it can seriously effect you.