OK at the risk of sounding like a gold digger I am having issues comprehending my boyfriends approach to money.
We have known each other for approx 4 yrs & he has always kind of had a thing for me but only been together for 8 months.
He earns 3 times the amount I do, owns his own home & has paid of his new car. I am a sinlge mum raising a 11 yr old daughter who attends an expensive private school & am in the first yr of my mortgage.
Not long after we stated dating he told me how much he earned & yes he earns a lot more than any other guy I have dated but he has never bought me a thing! I don't expect to be lavished in expensive gifts all the time, but he quite often travels for work & recently went interstate on a all expenses paid trip, staying in a lavish hotel room, all 3 course meals & drinks paid for including a trip to Luna Park. He sent me pictures of him having a great time & brought me home.. wait for it... The complimentry soaps & crap from the hotel room! This is just one incident in a list of many.

I thought he was the man I would spend the rest of my life with but this stingy issue keeps coming up.

We always stay at my house & its always my utilities getting used. The other day we were at his nephews first birthday & he was braggign about how cheap his electricity bill was. Mine was the highest it has ever been,

I have tried to talk to him about it but its hard to explain its how it makes me feel & not aobut the dollar amount. He just thinks I am acting spoilt.

I have dated guys who have earned a lot less than him but have done little things like left a nice gift basket on my door step when I've had a bad day or something like that.

Am I just a spoilt brat?

Not at all! He's cheap, darn cheap.

So why are you not hanging out at his place, I will assume it is a lot fancier anyway. So start being over there more if you want.
Next if you have a brand new house, send child to a private school, you have to have a very high income also,

No I don't owna brand new home at all. Its an average home in an average area. I out my all into my daughters education & will send her there as long as I can, as it stands I may not be bale to send her there next year as I have not paid this years fees yet as I am struggling.

His house is nothing special, the reason I don't stay there is because my daughter gets very bored there & has no one to play with, she usually plays with my neighbours daughter. He is stingy inhis own houe too, his heater broke during winter this year & he hasn't fixed it because he is (& I quote) "never home anyway, between work & your place there's no point". He often calls into his elderly grand mothers for dinner & rarely cooks for himself. Also there is an hours travelling time between our houses, which is very annoying. Its not like I can just pop in after work. I'd have to come home, pick up my daughter & then go to his house. In the morning I would have to drive past my work to get to her school then back again making it a 2 hr round trip in peek hour traffic

I am a person who gives what they can, if I have money I'll buy a drink for a friend. He will not do that. He feels he spends a lot of money on me & my daughter & when a recent trip to the movies turned sour because my daughter acted up he went on aobut how much he had spent that night! I couldn't believe it! It was his idea to go out.

Then he wanted to see a band that I wasn't interested in but said I'd go with him. So I thought I'd test him & offered him the money for my ticket, he took it! I couldn't believe it, then as he paid for my dinner before hand he went on about how he was still out of pocket!! The guy earns over $120k FFS!

I understand he may be more "careful" than I am with money but he wants me to give up work when/if we have children & I don't want to be stuck in a position where I have to beg for money from him & be left with no independence.

After being screwed by my ex I have vowed to never ever be that position ever again.

It seems he makes a habit of using people and they let him. He won't pay for anything until he has to as long he can find an alternative to shelling out money. When he does pay, you and anyone else around him pays by having to listen to him gripe.

He isn't frugal. He is a mooch. The frugal person would fix his heat because he remembers the saying 'a stitch in time... ' also saves a penny because other repairs are avoided like for frozen water lines. The frugal person reuses and makes the most of his resources instead of using up other people's.

I would be walking away instead of enabling his behavior. Your daughter does not need to see this male taking advantage of you and her and your resources. Look at how he treats his grandmother. He is doing the same thing to you.

I get the impression that it is the thought more than the money you want. A sincere offer to buy food even if you prepare it. A single flower when you least expect it. A date where you don't feel like his accountant getting an update on expenditures.

I don't think marrying or having children with him would be a good idea. I don't think he would be able to handle the costs involved in pregnancy and raising a child. I would almost bet that if you showed him what you spend in just the necessities of raising a child (housing, food, utilities, schooling, babysitting, etc. with no frills added in), he would say that you spoil your daughter.

What are you getting out of this relationship? Is he emotionally supportive when it isn't getting something he wants? Does he try to get along with your daughter or does he pretty much ignore her presence? If she asks you for something in front of him, does he make her feel like she is taking out a loan at the bank or make you feel like you are giving her too much? Does your daughter's behavior change when he is around? Remember that she sees and hears more than you may think she does. What is she learning about relationships?

He's cheap. Get out while you can. Believe me, cheap guys don't improve with time, they get worse and worse. And the fact that he's trying to make you feel guilty about it means that he knows exactly what he is doing, and will continue to do it.

Thank you, that's some great advice there. I have to give him some credit, he does try to make an effort with my daughter, Hes not a total tool, its just money has been an issue with us. Most other aspects of the relationship are good.

I know he has lent an ex money before which she never repaid. He does try & often brings wine to have with dinner, but yes like you said it's the thought that counts. He is sweet as its his nature & in regards to his grandmother, yes he goes there but

He also does a lot for his family. Her husband recently past & he does spend at least one evening with her & calls in to take her bins out for her etc. Hes not all bad but I feel he is very "careful" with his money, maybe its not such a bad thing?

I am really divided on this one!