Hi, this is the worst situation I have ever been in in my life. I ve recently been having an affair with a girl who is engaged with a child to someone else.

To keep the details short and sweet - she told me yesterday that she is pregnant. This is after she assured me she was on the pill which I saw her take. She assures me she will be getting an abortion and I've been asking indirectly today for further reassurance that she will go through with it. I feel now like she is toying with me.

Basically I have broken up with her now on two occasions. The last time I broke up with her was last week. She said after the first split approx seven weeks ago she forgot to take her pill after we'd spent two days in bed. Now after I split up with her and to be honest was pretty ****ty about the whole situation, she says she is pregnant and has known for a week or two. All of her story seems to tie together, but I don't trust her, and just last night after she'd told me I found a tampax in her new bag.

Eitehr way she has me absolutely over a barrell. She says she expects what we are now to be better than the last time we had our affair, before we split. And obviosuly holds the keys to my life if she decides she doesn't want an abortion. She says she has had abortions before with other men she has had affairs with. I feel awful about this, she was a rebound from my girlfriend of 3 years leaving me back in March. I sold all my morals away including getting a very bad reputation at work and now could have ruined my life, just because my ego was bruised.

I don't trust this girl at all and I am trying to be there for her if this is legitimate but I feel like I am completely trapped.

My question is aside from the absolute IDIOT that I have been and please my year has been awful and I have learnt the biggest lessons of my life. What do I do? Im feeling very blue about this and can't talk to anyone about it.

Nothing you can do at this point. You'll have to wait and see if she really ends up having an abortion or having a baby. This is what happens when you mess around with people you shouldn't be messing around with.

Thing is as well she says she would never leave her current situation as she has a 6year old and I cannot provide the type of security her current fiancé can

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Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse

Thing is aswell she says she would never leave ehr current situation as she has a 6year old and i cannot provide the type of security her current fiance can

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You should have known better!

She is a liar. She lies to her fiancé about these other men.

She sounds like a classy girl... PFFT!

She uses abortion as a form of birth control.

Very slefish woman, I must say.

All I have to say to you is that if she doesn't go through this abortion, you had better put your big by pants on and man up and take care of this child.

You play, you pay...

Um. Stop putting your **** in that? Use condoms. If you're really concerned with birth control you will provide a little of your own.

Regardless you're in this situation and you've learnt your lesson. Which is "Never be that guy who a woman cheated with." The best you can do is assume that she will keep her word. You'll know by summer.

The second thing you need to do is break up with her. Stop it. If I had a rolled up newspaper I would hit you on the nose. I think you need to find a woman for yourself. Instead of piggybacking on someone else.

Good luck.

I know - I'm ill over this she has assured me again that she is going to go through with it. She has blackmailed me used guilt against me, and now this - I've been trying to get out of this situation for the past 2 weeks and now she says this has happened. My life (which I haven't taken responsibility for) has gone down the total tubes this year.

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Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse

I know - im ill over this she has assured me again that she is going to go through with it. She has blackmailed me used guilt against me, and now this - ive been trying to get out of this situation for the past 2 weeks and now she says this has happened. My life (which i havent taken responsibility for) has gone down the total tubes this year.

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Get out of this situation for the past two weeks?

Sweetie, get a grip on reality, you are STUCK in this situation. Now man up. Yes, it's unfortunate that there has to be all of this drama. You made your bed...

How do I communicate with her? Need to know that if its real (as we had another 'scare' a few months ago) she is going to go through with it and I'm going to leave this psycho alone. Do I give her lp service until I have further clarity?

I realize that you are remorseful, but I have to wonder if it's remorse over the affair, or remorse over the fact that you're now in this situation.

Here are the facts. You slept with an unsavory woman, someone that was in a relationship (which you knew about), someone that has no problem spreading her legs for any guy that comes around, uses abortion as a method of birth control, and now has her hooks in you. Too bad you didn't realize this situation was bad before you dove in.

You may now realize that this was all a mistake, but if she is pregnant, and does decide to keep the baby, and it is yours (I'd get a DNA test to be sure) than this is your responsibility, the price you pay for having an affair with this woman.

The only thing you can do is wait, hope that she's either lying, or does have an abortion. If not, it's time to man up.

I know it's hard to hear, and you wish this hadn't happened, but the sad fact is that this was all in your control. You have only yourself to blame, when you play with pigs, you get dirty.

She lied to me from the start, she kept telling me she never had affairs before when I started to see her more and more - more people told me that shed done these types of things before. Now - just so happened to forget her pill for two days when I broke up with her. I mean the chances of her gettign pregnant in that two day window, missing her period two weeks last Tuesday ago then doing a test on the Thursday, positive, apparently - I've seen no evidence, though she says shed take a test in front of me.

Im going to bide my time - she says she won't have this child as her own situation is too secure, she did say though that she did think about having sex with her current fiancée and pretending it was his. The total *****. I hate her. I can't show that to her cause god knows what it will send her off to do.

I do feel like she is punishing me after I treated her badly over the past two weeks and tried to break up with her in a messy fashion.
Biding my time - is this the best way to deal with it?

That's really all you can do, bide your time. It's in her hands. If she's pregnant than it's her choice if she wants to carry the child to term or abort it.

I would ask her to prove that she is in fact pregnant, go to the clinic with her and have a pregnancy test done there.

The pill isn't 100% effective, so it's very possible that she conceived way before she missed those two pills. Heck, considering the kind of person she is it's possible she was never on the pill, or that she forgot pills before this incident. By not using a condom as a back up you screwed yourself royally. Never leave birth control up to someone else, especially not someone like this woman.

I know that it's hard to wait, and I know that you're upset, but that's your only option. If she is pregnant and decides to keep the child you'll have a 9 month wait before you can do a DNA test to make sure it's yours.

There's no way to speed this process along, it's in her hands now, you just get to sit there and hope for the best.

Hopefully all of this has taught you something. I really do hope that it all works out for you, but be prepared that it may not.

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Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse

She lied to me from the start, she kept telling me she never had affairs before when i started to see her more and more - more people told me that shed done these types of things before. Now - just so happened to forget her pill for two days when i broke up with her. I mean the chances of her gettign pregnant in that two day window, missing her period two weeks last tuesday ago then doing a test on the thursday, positive, apparently - ive seen no evidence, though she says shed take a test in front of me.

Im going to bide my time - she says she wont have this child as her own situation is too secure, she did say though that she did think about having sex with her current fiancee and pretending it was his. The total *****. I hate her. I can't show that to her cause god knows what it will send her off to do.

I do feel like she is punishing me after i treated her badly over the past two weeks and tried to break up with her in a messy fashion.
Biding my time - is this the best way to deal with it?

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K, I just want to point out that even being the birth control, she CAN still get pregnant. So, yes. Certainly during that 2 day window, she could have gotten pregnant.

I feel sorry for her fiancé. I really hope she doesn't make that poor man think that that is his child, if it's not.

Yes, you will have to just wait, as Alty and others pointed out. I think that Alty's last post said it all.

Now, with all do respect, I think it's time for me to unsubscribe to this post, as I am getting very frustrated over this entire post, as I myself have been on the other side of the spectrum.

Good Luck and Good bye.

Can someone please help me delete this now - I don't want her gogling this up - that's what she does

You can try reporting it and see if any of the mods can delete it. But generally unless a post violates site rules nothing gets deleted.

Beetlegeuse

Something else you haven't mentioned is that she could try and get pregnant by her fiancée just to get you hooked if it turns out she isn't pregnant now. So make sure you get an DNA test if she does come up pregnant.

I would also ask her if she has told her fiancé that she is pregnant? See what her reaction is to that question. If she turns out not to be pregnant, I would consider moving to different job or even town to get as far away from that situation as possible. You maybe getting a second chance here. Get your life together, and for the love of pete find where you left your morals and get them back in place!!

Thank you for all your comments - either kicking me in the *** or being somewhat sympathetic. Its just been a total nightmare, I've tried to appease her as we have a mutual circle of friends and colleagues and I didn't want her making my life difficult.This is what got me into trouble - I've tried to be so nice about it, that its got me into more trouble.

I lost the love of my life so far this year. After 3 years, and made some very bad choices, so bad that I have now got a reputation at work for being a male tart. All because I couldn't swallow down and not dive on the first things that came along when I unexpectedley became single. I just hop ei can trust her with this. I had such high hopes for the future and this year has messed my head up to the point wheere I am now. Please let this be a warning for anyone who is dumped and feelign down. Just bide your time, don't have a rebound and heal before you do anything,

Beetleguese, I doubt that the mods will delete this, and unless you used your real name (I doubt beetleguese is your given name ;)) you have nothing to worry about. You're anonymous here, which is what makes this site so great. Unless you tell her your username I doubt very much she could find this thread.

I can sense that you are indeed sorry that this happened. I hope you can understand why we've been tough on you. The adage "you made your bed, now lay in it" comes to mind. But, no matter how anyone feels about your part in all of this, it's the future and your actions then that matter.

If this turns out to be false, or she does get an abortion, than move on, put this in the past and realize that your past does not define you, it's what you do in the future that matters. Maybe this mistake is what you needed in order to learn who you want to be.

If she is pregnant, has the child, and it's yours, than make the best of the situation. Remember that no matter your feelings for her, the child is not to blame for either parents mistakes. You'll have a long time to think about this. If this is the scenario that ends up being played out than be the best dad you can be, make your future mark with the child in mind.

If you need help getting over the stuff that has happened to you this last year, the things that have brought you to this point, there are many wonderful people here that can help you get through it.

This site is wonderful. We don't always tell you what you want to hear, and we can sometimes be harsh, but one thing I can tell you for sure, we'll always be honest with you and no matter what, if you're honest with us, we're here to help.

I hope you keep us posted and I wish you all the best.

As one of the Supermods, no we don't delete posts, unless they violate the site rules ( and this does not) Posts stay here to be used for advice for 100's of others as time goes by. This is clear when you read the rules prior to joining

Just get tested period, not just DNA testing either.. EVERYTHING.