I am having a very difficult time trying to find God. Two years ago, my church started going through a very difficult time. We were beginning an expansion project and money became the focus. I was the leader of our K-gr4 ministry group. Then the garbage started flying. Our children's ministry group was systematically destroyed. Without using words, the members of our team were pushed out the door, whether it was through unreasonable expectations (one month of service, one month off, impossible for a team member with small children and an unsaved husband who will come to church to sit with her) or a group of 4 close friends within the team being chastised for being close friends (they were told that their friendship made it impossible for someone else to be a part of the team). Many of the church members left this church. One couple was tried, convicted and hanged without the opportunity to defend themselves. (they were told they were too knowledgeable in biblical principles and would argue the board of this church under the table.) The pastor of this church has since left, but there are many hurt feelings. In the process of this happening, I lost my friends and therefore, my accountability. I also lost God. My christian walk is severely lacking these days. I have no desire to spend time in his word and feel hypocritical walking into this church on a Sunday morning. My husband, still wants to stay at this church, saying it is our community church and he feels we should support it. To top it all off, I was recently deeply hurt by a christian friend. I have desperately cried out to God for guidance, for support, for anything and the silence is deafening. How do I move on from here? I am seriously considering that God has turned his back on me. I have found that my non-christian friends treat me better than my so called christian ones. If we are a family in christ, how can this happen? I feel like I am sitting on a fence and I am leaning towards leaving the church all together.

Rest assured. God has you in the palm of His hand. He knows the spiritual struggles you are going through, all of which have to do with the people in your life, not with Him. There used to be a bumper sticker, "I found God." No, actually it's the other way around: "God found me." He found you and is caring for you and will see you through this. The very fact that He led you to this site is proof of that.

The church family or community is central to our spiritual life. It's the support and encouragement and, yes, love of those around us, especially in our church who keep us going. Your church family (not your God) has failed you.

Allow your non-Christian friends to be your anchor right now. And while they are supporting you, be a witness to them. It's by giving yourself away that you will find yourself.

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Originally Posted by krykyt

One couple was tried, convicted and hanged without the opportunity to defend themselves. (they were told they were too knowledgeable in biblical principles and would argue the board of this church under the table.)

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That says an awful lot about what's wrong, right there. What is the board basing their decisions on, then?

Two things: first, despite what your husband says, it may not be possible to stay at that church. Only you can evaluate its current condition and whether it can be rescued as a church community (as opposed to a "community church"). And as hard as it might be, you may have to find a new one without him, at least at first.

Second, I refer you to my signature line: don't judge Jesus by the company He keeps. We're all flawed individuals, and for some reason it seems that when Christians gather in groups the flaws get magnified exponentially. But God is the same. Jesus is the same. He's still there, and he's as hurt over what's happening as you are. Don't go by your feelings; they are the worst measure of truth that anybody ever conceived. The one thing you can depend on is God's promise never to leave you, and to be there with you during the hard and painful times. That sounds trite, and it probably is. But it's true nonetheless. And you can hang on to it when everything else is gone. I know, I've been there. Keep crying out to him, even if you don't think he's answering. He's faithful, even when we can't see or feel it.

Not much help, I know, but it's the best I can do.

There is always a plan, and there is always a way. Never lose hope, and hope will be delivered to you. Tonight, stand and proclaim that you want the Truth, however it comes, and wherever it is. Your dreams for guidance are closer than your jugular vein!

I am Muslim, after this very same struggle as a Christian. I wish that you read and discover what it is that you are looking for. I pray that you are led in the right way, the path of those that seek the Creator's help, not the path of those that bring down wrath, nor the path of those that go astray.

May you be protected from the weakness in your heart, the advances of the whispering doubters, and the way of the one's that seek to do injustice.

Just casually scanning your question, it seems to me you have very good insight into the human side of your situation. It's the issue dealing with God that is truly mysterious. In a way the title of your posting says it all to me. FEELING LOST. The fact is that often we (people) allow our feelings and emotions to get the better of us. Let's face it, human nature is very proud. God on the other hand is always able to stand back from the confusion of emotions and to sort things out completely rationally. Totally unlike us humans. I believe that we need to draw on God's wisdom, and to learn from His word the Holy Bible. ESPECIALLY when we don't FEEL LIKE IT. In all sincerity, may I recommend Psalm 51, particularly in King James' English. There you may find a peaceful spirit if you let it penetrate to your inmost being.