Hi this is hk090105 I have a question how can you make your friends understand what you went through and that your still suffering from your molestations? I mean seriously its like after a little while they just see it as oh yeah here's another girl that I know now that was also rapped or molested thankfully I didn't get rapped but I was close twice and he only stopped because I was on my period... my molesters are my cousins whom I grow up with sad huh? Yea I know so my boyfriend knows all about it for like a year I was disgusted by boy the mear thought about them made me want to throw up but then I met this nice guy in high school and he let me take things slow it took me awhile to kiss him and I wouldn't let him touch me for like almost a year anyway recently when I have bad dreams or it pops in my head I bring it up you know hoping for some comfort... but instead all I get from him is either silence or just let it go baby like if he doesn't even want to talk about it I mean I understand I've forgiven them but it takes process for a wound to heal. So if there's anyone out there on how to make my boyfriend and my friends understand that it takes time to heal? Or am I just insane and making such a big deal about it? Please some one do help me s.o.s. thanks a lot.
Yours truly hk aka hello kitty090105

Healing comes from within, with time, love, and support. Since he doesn't know what to do, then tell him, when you need a hug, or a kind word.

Don't expect others to understand what you have been through, or what to do for you. They are not experts, or mind readers. But you can tell your boyfriend that you need a hug, a kind word, or a listening ear.

I also think you have made more progress than you give yourself credit for, but you expect far too much from others. You can lean on them for a bit, but don't make them a crutch, as that's a dangerous dependency. That's what experts are for.

Every reacts differently to the things they experience and everyone is entitled to deal with things the way they feel they need to deal with it. Is the problem that you feel uncomfortable with your current boyfriend touching you? Him being a nice guy and all, first of all don't punish him for something someone else did to you. He is not the guy that molested you and therefore should NOT be treated like one. Bad dreams are just that, bad dreams, nothing more so with that yes you are over analyzing. If you want people to know that you need more time to heal then tell them so, don't expect them to understand if you do not say anything because they can't read your mind, and after you do if they do not respect how you are feeling then you might want to consider to go with someone who is more understanding and respectful to you. People understand each other through communication, remember that.

Good Luck,

Javi

Have you gotten any counseling to help you deal with what you have gone through? A counselor will listen and guide you through your healing. This is a dam hard thing for you to have gone through and Iam sure your asking yourself questions and don't have any answers. So there is no way that another person can totally understand what you have been through unless they have experienced what its like to have something taken away from you, that you will never get back.

Get that help, its does get better, but withoutthe help you will use this for as an excuse for everything that goes wrong in your life, even if you are a strong person. Everyone what's to blame someone or something, and this is one thing you will use as excuse. You are mourning the loss of your innocence, of hearing about bad things, but hoping they never happen to you. You have had to face the monsters early in your life.