My stepson who hasn't spoken to his mother in a long time ( which I'm sure contributes to his issues) has such a chip on his shoulder about doing anything. Helping out around the house, even homework. Gets in trouble at home and at school and it's getting so unbarable. I have an autistic son who is 2 and he senses everything. It seems to get worse daily. He'll slam his head on the wall and slam doors, his head on the wall, etc, etc. can't control him and we don't know what to do. We have been working with the school and hoping that will help but it hasn't. Oh, and he's all about $$. Which I don't understand because it's not like he's ever been spoiled. We tried the reward system. That didn't even work... paying him for not getting in trouble and just doing what he's suppose to do... doesn't work he just doesn't listen. Even tried telling him that he could go visit one of his friends if he was good this week and he got in trouble twice at school and 3 times here. Won't listen totally disrespectful, doesn't do what's asked. I need a nanny 911 intervention! Any ideas? Thanks

He sounds like a very unhappy, troubled kid.

It would be helpful to know why his mother is not in his life. Is this a temporary situation, or does your husband have custody? How long have you been married to this child's dad, and has he then always lived with the two of you, and your son?

It is a complicated situation and an impossible guess at what could be going on here, but I suspect that, with the physical harm, defiance, and trouble in school, he is in need of assessment.

I applaud you for seeking help with the school, and trying different approaches with him. Obviously you care enough about him to keep trying, and it is a tough road you are on.

Have you had him to the family Doctor for a referral to a child behavioural specialist, psychologist or psychiatrist, skilled in helping identify what is wrong with him, and to rule out what could be, from what is. It is not easy to keep going when you are exhausted, but I hope you find the strength to keep going until you have a diagnosis, and a course of treatment- with follow-up.

I hope that your husband is trying as hard as you are, and you are both on the same page with finding this child the help he needs. Sometimes one source is not enough, and not all treatment suggestions and plans work out the way they should. It is a hit and miss until something clicks, either by way of therapy or medication, or both sometimes, until you see some improvement.

The school that has been helping you, to help him, may also be a good source for further testing and assessment.

Your 11 year old needs a boot camp intervention, as discipline, and guidance are missing so I have to ask where your husband is in all this. For sure you have to move to the next level of diagnosis, and treatment, and that means beyond the help of you, and the school, which is just not enough. A more trained professional can guide you to those resources.