My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, been living together for 2 and he never has the urge to have sex anymore. We haven't had sex in over a month and I don't know what to do. I'm losing my mind here. We normally have sex once a week, this is just not enough for me.We used to have sex allll the time but I don't know what happened. We both work a lot (he has 2 jobs) so it's not as if we see each other all the time. I don't want to seem paranoid but I don't want him to have lost interest in me or is seeing someone else. I've tried to suggest new things like visit porn stores, buying porn for us, even trying things we don't usually do. I've also tried talking to him several times; doesn't seem to work.I will try to initiate something and nothing happens. He says that he's busy and really tired from work.

I'm not fat or unattractive. I have men harassing me all the time wherever I go but for some reason I can't get my own boyfriend to want it to have sex more often. Should I suspect he's cheating or something? I need a guy's opinion, can someone help me out??

Do you trust him? If so,I wouldn't automatically assume that he's cheating.

He works two jobs, that's a lot. He may be stressed, tired, maybe even a little upset that he has to work so hard.

I remember when I was working two jobs, and still had to come home to cook, clean, take care of the household. The furthest thing from my mind was sex. It was actually a little bit upsetting when my husband would ask for sex after seeing how tired I was, especially because he didn't pitch in at home.

Have you talked to him about this? Have you told him how you feel, asked him how he feels?

The best thing to do is talk to him. Sit down one evening and calmly ask him what's going on, tell him you're worried and upset. Be calm about it, don't be accusing, just have a discussion.

Communication is key in any relationship. We can't tell you what he's thinking, or what's going on with him. Only he can tell you that. :)

Good luck.

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Originally Posted by chllr1

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years, been living together for 2 and he never has the urge to have sex anymore. We haven't had sex in over a month and I don't know what to do. I'm losing my mind here. We normally have sex once a week, this is just not enough for me.We used to have sex allll the time but I don't know what happened. We both work alot (he has 2 jobs) so it's not as if we see each other all the time. I don't want to seem paranoid but I don't want him to have lost interest in me or is seeing someone else. I've tried to suggest new things like visit porn stores, buying porn for us, even trying things we don't usually do. I've also tried talking to him several times; doesn't seem to work.I will try to initiate someting and nothing happens. He says that he's busy and really tired from work.

I'm not fat or unattractive. I have men harrassing me all the time wherever I go but for some reason I can't get my own boyfriend to want it to have sex more often. Should I suspect he's cheating or something?? I need a guy's opinion, can someone help me out???

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He is working two jobs...

He has told you already that he is tired from work.

Why must you think that this had to do with YOU. Can't you except the fact that he is working a lot and is very tired. He might also be stressed out from working 2 jobs. Which by the way affects the libido.

Making love once a week is still pretty darn good. There are some couples that only make love once a month, if that.

Why is he working two jobs?

Is he stressed out about other things?

He's preparing to go back to school which is why he's working 2 jobs. I work just as much as he does. I'm salary and salary=slavery. He's tired but he goes to the gym almost everyday. I thought maybe it was me because it's never been this bad before.

I do trust him, it's that I've tried to talk about it & he's very nonchalant about it. He just says he's tired from work. I do all the cooking & most of the cleaning to try & help him out. Idk may I should just back off

There are going to be times when sex is not as plentiful as one or both partners would like. It does not mean that someone is cheating or bored. It means that stress, exhaustion, health issues, medications, etc. are taking their toll.

Keep communicating with each other. Show affection and intimacy in other ways like cuddling to watch a movie. Let some of the pressure ease for both of you. How often you have sex is not a measure of how much love and attraction is in a relationship. There are plenty of relationships where the couple have a lot of sex, but they don't 'love' each other. It is duty.

You mention that it hasn't been like this in the past. The past can give an idea of how things might go, but every event and situation has its own differences. If he is worried about paying for school or making enough to cover school and living expenses it may be hitting harder this time. Concern about the classes he will be taking could add its own pressure.

Something, to try is just relaxing and talking together with no expectation of sex. Let hands wander if they will. You might find that taking the pressure off to have sex may lead to having sex. (It works for my husband and myself.)