Ask Me Help Desk - Good advice about getting over an ex...

Will my ex ever return?

The New Year is a time to move on... and yet, so many of us are looking backward, hoping and praying for an ex-lover to return.

You should living your life as though that person is gone, out of your life for good. If fate brings them back and it is meant to be, it will be, but there is no point wasting your life in the meantime! After all, have you ever noticed that when you finally get over someone they call? Or if you have a partner then everyone seems to want to date you? Everything in your life depends on your energy! When you send out "I need you... can't live without you" energy, it scares people and chases them away. When you are full of life, doing what you love and moving on your energy draws people (including exes) to you!

So... the best chance you can get to bring your ex back is not to want them to! Seems strange, but an energetic shift can do wonders!

Good advice.

What do you do on a lonely rainy night when all you want to do is to pick up the phone and call that ex? How do you stop yourself when you feel so vulnerable and needy?

Good advice, but I will even push the envelope further which I am sure others have read my thought on this, but I know it is hard for us to do.

Wild says that the new year should be looking forward and never look back to the old year.

What about always look at today as a new day and never look back at yesterday.

Joe

Very good alternative view of the benefits of No Contact.

Yes - this is the no conact at it's best. The real reaso nbehind no contact.

Those lonely raining nights should be spent at the gym working out. Seriously. New people there and you can improve yourself and feel great.

I can't recommend enough gettng to the gym. Mines open until 10. If I happen to be by myself I have about 4 or 5 restaurants I can go to and belly up to the bar and eat.

Quote:

Originally Posted by 4answers

Very good alternative view of the benifits of No Contact.

Make no mistake this is not an alternative view but rather an added benefit. Notice also WC said if she is meant to come back she will. This does not guarantee anything but you being healthy enough to handle life better. It all starts with you caring enough about you and not putting the ex before you. She seldom comes back, but yourself confidence and willingness to move on and be positive will. Now that's guaranteed.

These guys have been helping me and I went through a breakup about a month ago. And I really did find out that the moments I felt the weakest and wanted to call her the most were when I was drunk. I made my new years resolution about three days before new years and decided to give up drinking, nicotine, and eating unhealthy. I have been practically living at the gym the past week and it has done me wonders. I still hurt at random moments but as long as I keep working out, that testosterone starts going up, you start feeling better about yourself and you cope with the pain better.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Copperhead6

These guys have been helping me and I went through a breakup about a month ago. and I really did find out that the moments i felt the weakest and wanted to call her the most were when i was drunk. I made my new years resolution about three days before new years and decided to give up drinking, nicotine, and eating unhealthy. I have been practically living at the gym the past week and it has done me wonders. I still hurt at random moments but as long as i keep working out, that testosterone starts going up, you start feeling better about yourself and you cope with the pain better.

First Copper, Congrads on giving up the all the bad stuff. I've been working out most of my life and I can tell you, I personally don't think there's a better thing you can do for yourself after a break up. Now I'm not a cardio person but when if you want to forget about someone for awhile hop on a treadmill or ellipitical machine and push yourself for 15 or 20 minutes. If you can go longer do it. But I guarantee you you forget about everything because your focused on that moment. I've done this before and I'll get off, take a break for 10 minutes and get back on. That totally interrupts your depression or your pattern of thinking of her, gets you in shape, and if you do it long enough and really wear yourself out you will sleep like a baby.

Now I lift and if your into that, that also works wonders because if your angery you get to use that energy to push yourself and it has this effect of working right through the pain to the point you are no longer angery. But you get stronger. So it works on two levels.

Even if the gym isn't your thing go swimming, basketball, tennis or something that you have to really push yourself. Me personally I've always done it in the gym, but just find it.

Yeah personally I hate gyms.. I joined in October for the first time in my life but just went once in 1 month ;-) , I prefer outside stuff ! Walkign , running, I've started hockey again also,
And I'm starting to feel great again!! Its strange, like a new year has really brought a new me. I'm even thinking of taking a few months to go to do volunteer work in a far country.

My energy levels are up again and everyone else seems to be coming out of the woodwork and contacting me ,so I've got a busy life again.
So totally agree with wildcat in that "When you are full of life, doing what you love and moving on your energy draws people to you"

No looking back anymore or wondering what if I did this, what if I did that , the new year is here for ME!

Great advice WC. It is great to have some positive thinking. I have loads of friends now, I was so busy doing things during the holidays. I also had a lot of me time too, and family time : )

As I feel a bit run down at the moment I haven't been to to the gym. I think this is why I am even more down. It really helps me. I started my driving lessons again last night, so I feel good about that. Was really nervous about going back as haven't done one since November, my previous instructor got fired, so I have someone new! I think he will be much better. The other guy never turned up for lessons which set me back.

It is great though that so many people want to see me all the time. I found that loads of friends had text me asking if I wanted them to be there when my ex comes round too. So, that was nice of them to offer.

<< I started my driving lessons again last night, so I feel good about that. Was really nervous about going back as haven't done one since November, my previous instructor got fired, so I have someone new! I think he will be much better. The other guy never turned up for lessons which set me back.
>>

Have you ever thought about doing a "crash course "(excuse the pun)
I was taking driving lessons for about a period of a year and getting nowhere!. I found what really helped was when I took 2 weeks and did a lesson every day , I passed it right after that..
Its much better that way , than a lesson here and a lesson there.

Good thread Wildcat..

I agree that exercise is a great for of relief from the pain you go through. Personally, I took up running and swimming again and I hope to start the gym again soon too so I can do some weights.

Whatever works for the individual really but you notice an increase in energy levels and you feel better and it takes your mind off the ex a bit. It is not going to take all the pain away but it helps.

As for the ex coming back, I think it is best to assume the worst and as tal says, it seldom happens. All the improvements you make will be for you so that you are healthy...

Maybe healthy for the next person you meet.;)

Nice thread...

I've made a commitment ot get into the gym when school starts up again. I've always thought there was a very handsome guy underneath all my fat. I will use the pain of my loss as motivation to push myself hard.

I still hope for the best, but I live like the worst is all that will ever happen.

Do it for you. For your health. You will only feel better about everything.