I have been married for over 10 years but there was never any growth in our relationship. My partner is short tempered and at times very violent. I have been enduring a lot of mental abuse of late. Since the last couple of years my partner has been asking me for a divorce but wants me to make the first move by moving out of the house. I have no immediate family to turn to for help. We have no kids cause my partner is not fond of taking that responsibility. I am constantly blamed for the problems in our marriage as my partner wants everything to be perfect and go as per the planning made. I am suffering from bouts of depression and am pretty lonely as I have no one to consult / talk too. At times I have considered ending my life too. What should I do??

Sounds sad... sorry.

But it's a new year,time to make a new life...
How about doing some new activities outside of your marriage... you must have a lot of time if you do not have any children? Meet new people, join clubs, go travelling for a little while?
Maybe your partner and you have just grown to acustomed to each other and he / she has gotten used to having you around?
Communicate well with him / her about how you are feeling.

Good luck, hope the new year brings some hapiness for you.

You need time to figure yourself out. I agree with Rol a little time away from the relationship (I am not saying break up) doing things you enjoy might put your life into perspective. Or at least give you other outlets and people to talk too. Be sure that you talk to your partner too. It is important that they know what you are feeling... maybe they can help you too.

You need to take action immediately. I'm not sure what action will be most practical and beneficial for you, but no-action is deadly. Some possibilities are: See a doctor, a counsellor, or therapist; File for divorce; Move out. All of the above.

I assume you are the wife, though it isn't clear from your post. If your husband wants a divorce but wants you to make the first move, it suggests to me that what he really wants is to control and manipulate you. He probably doubts that you have the strength to act on your own, and so far he's been right, but showing him that he's wrong about that would be a good first step, no matter what choice you make. Don't give up. You can always come here to vent anonymously. It's not the whole solution, but sometimes it helps.

Before filing for divorce I think ye should agree to separate for a little while so that you can both reinvent your lives again.

Something that might put a little perspective on things for you.

You are one person with your own life, family, friends, desires, needs etc.

Your partner is one person with his own life, family, friends, desires, needs etc.

So two separate people with completely separate lives come together and do what !

Add to each others existing lives ? Or give up each others existing lives and try to live as one person with one life ! It does not work, too much pressure on one person to provide all the emotional and social support of a full life.

Each person needs to have there own life and then the close loving relationship with another will enhance that existing life.

Think about it for a minute. If you part, both will have to rebuild the lives you gave up from sratch as well as lose each other ! But if you both build up your own independent lives whilst keeping love and trust in the relationship, then how much more will you have to talk about, how much more enthused will you be to be with your partner because you no longer see them 24/7. That is when the love comes back.

As long as you both do this together, with trust, communication and love. You will be a stronger couple.

I hope this is of help and you both benefit from this.

Good luck.

Online guy.

<<You are one person with your own life, family, friends, desires, needs etc.

Your partner is one person with his own life, family, friends, desires, needs etc.

So two separate people with completely separate lives come together and do what !

Add to each others existing lives ? Or give up each others existing lives and try to live as one person with one life ! It does not work, too much pressure on one person to provide all the emotional and social support of a full life.

>>

EXACTLY, could not rate you but that is so true!! And what happens to many unfortuantely.. always keep your own identity!

Ask yourself, why have you no friends you can talk to? Did you forget your own life?

Do you have a job and income? It might be hard to move out or separate when you are dependent on your partner.
I agree with everyone that you need time alone to yourself. But, not to be alone and depressed but to be alone and find yourself. For the past 10 years, in your own words, you have been in a stale relationship. It is possible that your own growth has also been stunted. So, spend some time growing: learn something new, meet new people, go places you haven't been before, find things in life that you enjoy, and learn about yourself.
Once you find yourself and grow as a person, you will have a new outlook on life and start enjoying life again. You will have the confidence to know what you want in life whether it includes your partner or not.
Your life is not over and it should not be ended, sentimentaldodo. See this new year as a new beginning for your life.
Don't be afraid to reach out and seek help; whether it is here or with a doctor or a support group.

Yes I was in an abusive relationship for 20 years. I look back now and see I was in denial about it, I was also in a type of coma. I didn't really think about anthing deep I was floating around things. I was not brave I didn't have the knowledge about myself to act. I was not living my life I was existing breathing but unconscious. I don't know you but I hope you can seek assistance . Don't end up regreting all the years you may let slide. Jirri