K so I've dated this girl for 10 months.. she was and still is my first love, I was a shy loser before I met her and she's been the only girl who actually took the time to find me being shy cute, and see who I was outside of school like no other girl would do... my confidence was so lowe for girls after being rejected so many times I tried to make the best of this one. So I asked her out, and she said yes, since then I've been such a different person, I'm more happy more outgoing and a lot of other things. Then a couple days ago, she told me she didn't feel the same about me and broke up with me. Its been 5 days, and my friends keep saying move on but I get texts from her friends saying she can't stop thinking about me. During these 5 days I've also just been a train wreck and not wanting to do anything but cry and write about her to get my thoughts out but there's so many feelings I have for her I can't stop thinking about her. So I've been texting her also and like any girl it's the "i wanna be friends" thing, but I can tell she would give me another shot, but since the dump I've lost all confidence to do try anything because I don't want to ruin the spark we may or may not have... I did ask her to dinner and she said yes and that day is coming shortly but I don't no where to go from there.. *** help

Just go to dinner and don't connive.

If you can't stop yourself from fretting, fine, then fret. But no "planning your tricks" to get her to love you again. Chances are she isn't an idiot and will catch on to anything "tricky" you plan anyway.

When you go out, have fun that night and don't make it more than it needs to be, succeed in having fun, that's all. Be real, be honest, be non-clingy-needy-crazy-guy. Be a good date.

If you want to plan anything, I'd stop at having a few ideas to what you might invite her to next... a concert or upcoming party, but nothing beyond that.

Harshness Warning

Sorry you lost your crutch, and it's a darn shame your whole self esteem is tied up in her. One female who dumped you, and put you in the friend zone.

I think it's a bit pitiful that a guy with no self esteem, and confidence on his own, thinks he still has a chance at impressing an ex back, and can con his way back to where things were. Why are you rewarding her with your attention, when she changed the rules, and still gets you, when she wants you.

You have become an option, while she is still a priority for you. You are so involved with getting her back you miss the important fact for you, healing, and learning how to go out into the world, and having the confidence, and self esteem to stand on your own for yourself. And eventually attract another one better than the other one. Its called learning, and growing, but you have her on a pedestal she doesn't even deserve.

Love and respect yourself, and you won't fall for those "lets be friends" games, and you won't need her to be somebody. Go to your dinner and have fun, then decide if you want to be a man, or her option, until she finds a better interest to get busy with.

I have to agree with the above posters to a certain extent. You have become a option at this point in time as Talaniman said but you can definitely come out of this unscathed. You don't have to resort to having your feelings tossed around like trash, though I hate to say it looks like you're enabling her. Take her out to dinner as you planned but keep it simply as dinner, as JBeaucaire said. Nothing more, nothing less. Having this much of an emotional attachment can definitely be dangerous, considering your history, but you really might just have to accept things as how they are and move on. Regardless of what you broke up for, if you two are truly meant to be, it will happen but not at this exact moment, but maybe down the road. Take this time to find yourself and recover. Develop more confidence in yourself so that you have a higher chance of a successful relationship.

Best of luck :)

Thanks guys. This has giving me a lot of thought
But the reason I'm still in love with her, like I said, she was my first love, and before her I had no girl at all.. I didn't have to work hard for this one she pretty much made all the moves to start the relationship because I didn't no what to do in the situation... so now she's broken up with me its hard for me to see if any other girl will do the same as her and take the time to get to no me... its hard in college because when I go out with my friends to meet new girls its just every girl is looking to get laid and (I know this sounds lame but) I'm not looking to get laid, I just want a girlfriend... and yes, the dinner is considered the "as friends" dinner and I'm going to do my best to make it the best dinner wev ever had and I'm going to try and not break out in front of her again... I'm not a sensitive guy, I don't cry often.. but this has just been killling me and I just don't see myself with anyone but her

K so, I fell really hard for this girl, the only serious relationship I have ever had, it lasted for a year and 7 months.. yes wev had our ups and downs liike a normal relationship would, but as of now, things are getting bad.. really bad... now I know the answer to my question but what I need is like motivation to move on, because I don't want to leave her... its like on family guy where peter looks to one shoulder and it's the right thing and he looks to the other and it's the bad thing... I look to my good shoulder and think... she's ditched me 9 times in a row to hang out with her friends... told me she worked early so did want to sleep over then texted me at 11am and I asked what's up and she said "just woke up"... then she was suppose to come over tonight after she was done having dinner with her grandma and now she's saying she works early again even though she made the plan to hang out tonight... I haven't seen her in a week, the only comunication I have with her is texting or phone calls, I feel like she doesn't even want to see me... basically treating me like ****.. we are having reltionship problems which is why I'm getting the idea of moving on... that's my good shoulder.. to move on... but my other one is what's keeping me in here, I want to trust her, I want to be with her forever and I just can't leave all the fun times wev had together... I'm just so in love with her but I know its not healthy to keep getting hurt like this and wait for last minute change of plans when she doesn't want to hang out anymore... and the last time I saw her, she was on her way home from work and she stopped by my place for like 5 minutes to say hello... so yea I don't know if I'm just to in love with her and suspecting the wrong thing all the time and move on or should I just give it time and maybe wel be together again

What I'm wondering is why after a year and 7 months you didn't share friends. You don't mention any of your own, just hers, and she hangs out with them without you. Could you be a more isolated, reclusive type, and she is more gregarious, or what? The downfall of many a relationship after the early romance is over is caused by lack of mutual friends. They are vital, because rarely do 2 people need only each other.

You can't trust a person that tells you that she has to go in to work early and then texts you at 11am indicating that she just got up. That tells me that she tells so many lies that she forgets what she lies about.

In my opinion, you need to break it off entirely, go total no contact, and move on. Never stay with anyone that lies to you and disrepects you. You deserve much better than you're getting.

If being treated like an old shoe is what you want, then stick around, otherwise leave her alone, and do better for yourself. Stop all contact with her.

Yea we all hang out all the time, I have my time with my friends she has her time with hers, but never has she canceld plans with me to hang out with them until now, I feel like I'm boring her or something, I just don't know