Ask Me Help Desk - She wants to bring a friend on our movie date

I have had a crush on this girl since high school. She was dating this guy for 3 years and it just recently ended a few months ago. I ran into her a few weeks ago and we talked in the grocery store aisle for probably an hour and I asked her if she was interested in coffee. She said yes and would contact me soon. A few days later she contacted me on Facebook and we made plans to meet for coffee last Sunday. Two days before that date she asked if it was okay to invite our mutual friend Kim to join us. I said yeah because I didn't want to be a jerk but I would have coffee with just us. I met her for coffee last Sunday and she told me that Kim couldn't make it. We talked for about 4 hours and caught up on everything. She talked to me about her break up and even though I never told her how I really feel about her, she told me that she doesn't think she is ready to date again and that once someone gets into the friend zone with her they never get out. I wasn't sure where I am with that, I don't think I'm in the friend zone cause we were never really close friends in high school and I don't want to be there now either. But I also want to be there for her and show her that I want to be more than friends. Not sure how I am able to make that happen yet. Anyway when we left I asked her if she had any plans for Halloween and she said she didn't. I asked her if she wanted to hang out on the weekend and she suggested we see a movie. When she suggested that she quickly right after that say "as friends" and I said yeah I would like to do that. When I got home I texted her hoping she has a good night and that I hope we get together this weekend. I never got a response to that text. Two days ago I sent her a Facebook message cause that seems to be the only way to get a hold of her. I asked her if she was still wanting to do something this weekend, she wrote me back this morning saying that she still would like to get together for a movie but asked if she could bring her friend lucas with. " I think you guys might get a long... None of us have Halloween plans" she also wrote. My question is why is she inviting friends of hers out when I ask her to do things? She doesn't really have a clue that I like her except for the fact that I am inviting her all the time to do something. I really don't want to fall in the friend zone but I'm afraid I already am even though this is the most I have hung out with her ever. If I am in the friend zone is there a way out of it and is she inviting these friends because she is scared of how I might feel about her? Please help guys!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mik2007

She talked to me about her break up and even though i never told her how i really feel about her, she told me that she doesnt think she is ready to date again and that once someone gets into the friend zone with her they never get out.

I asked her if she wanted to hang out on the weekend and she suggested we see a movie. when she suggested that she quickly right after that say "as friends" and i said yeah i would like to do that. When i got home i texted her hoping she has a good night and that i hope we get together this weekend. i never got a response to that text.

I asked her if she was still wanting to do something this weekend, she wrote me back this morning saying that she still would like to get together for a movie but asked if she could bring her friend lucas with. " I think you guys might get a long... None of us have Halloween plans" she also wrote.

My question is why is she inviting friends of hers out when i ask her to do things? she doesnt really have a clue that i like her except for the fact that i am inviting her all the time to do something. I really dont wanna fall in the friend zone but im afraid i already am even though this is the most i have hung out with her ever. if i am in the friend zone is there a way out of it and is she inviting these friends because she is scared of how i might feel about her? Please help guys!!

Sorry guy. She does know that you are interested and has been very straightforward with you as nicely as she can. She doesn't want to hurt your feelings because she does like you... as a friend. Yes, she is inviting other people as a buffer because she does not want to be put in a position where you might declare your feelings and force her to shoot you down. Since she is looking to take a break from dating, you do need to respect that. It does appear she is happy to hang out with you as a friend. All you can do is either continue to hang out with her and accept that for now you are in the friend zone or, if it is too frustrating for you, don't spend any more time with her. Just as an FYI, as young people mature, some do find that a person they once looked at as a friend suddenly becomes appealing to them in a romantic way. If you are interested in staying in contact with her I would suggest you just relax, have absolutely no romantic expectations of her, and simply enjoy the friendship she is offering you. Either you will become good friends for life or, a few years down the road something may develop between the two of you. But for right now, as far as any possibility of a romance developing with this girl, it is simply a no go man. You can't force a situation no matter how badly you want it. Sorry.

It could be that she is inviting friends, to protect her from herself.

If the last relationship didn't work out, maybe she is getting a few honest opinions from a few close friends, before considering dating 'just' you.

She could also have had, or has, feelings for you that go beyond the friend zone, but she is being cautious.

She may not want to rule out possibilities, and just keep it cheap and cheerful for now.

And, it may not be her making it clear to you that she wants to be friends only, but again, she could be simply setting a boundary for herself. Which, considering how people generally jump from one relationship to another without any time between, is really good sign that she is not taking on a new relaionship, until she is sure of herself.

I would, if I were you, include her in dates with your friends. She may feel more comfortable with you, if you keep good company and have good friends yourself. That also shows that you have a life, outside her boundaries, for a friendship. (for now... )