I have fallen into love and a relationship with a man that I have waited 20 yrs for. He is a wonderful man. But the down fall is the kids. He has 3 kids from a previous marriage. They are not little... 18 yr old twin girls and a 16 yr old boy. The girls act like they like me in front of me and then go tell grandma and grampa discusting things and "half truths" about me. The grandparents have not met me and this has been going on for 8 months now. The boy thinks that the world revolves around him, and dad passes it off as he's just a adolesant boy. I have been pushed aside to "appease his kids". And I have also have a birthday coming up (on sunday) that he can't do anything for me because his kids have to have new cell phones. Is there anyone can help me not to feel this way of... I can't win for losing attitude? We plan to wed next September... and his mom and dad have made it clear to the kids that they are not going to attend because of me... what do I do?

You decide if this is something you want to continue to deal with. Getting married is not going to change things. How long have you two been dating?
The only person who can make thigs better is him.
How do you know what the kids are telling the grandparents?

You waited 20 years for this guy? Say it ain't so! Look at all the time you wasted when you could have had a guy that could at least give you a birthday card, or had better mannered children.

I can't believe you waited 20 years for him, I just can't, that sounds so desperate. What were you his mistress or something? Help me understand, please.

What about having a "family meeting" with the dad, the three kids, and you? Reassure the kids that you have no intention of replacing their mother (this is some of what they fear), and just allow the kids to vent. Don't accuse or demand an apology or probe. Just empathize with them, and hear them out. OR, if no meeting, promise you won't get mad or get revenge, but ask them to write down their biggest concerns and beefs about you and your relationship with their father (no holds barred!), then give this to you to read and think about.

Why haven't you met the grandparents?