I have been in a relationship for 3 years. My girlfriend at the time broke up with me, not saying the exact reason but that she needed space. I like most guys started to panic and convince her to stay. Whatever you live and you learn. We broke up in June but had to work together still until sept. I decided to implement NC, even though she still wanted to be friends and still have me around. It has been over a month of complete NC. She has texted me twice so far. First time, she asked how school, kick boxing and how I am doing. And that she misses me. I did not respond. A couple of days ago she sent a message asking how I am and that she didn't mean to bother me but wanted to tell me that she got her license and owed it to me because I helped her with her driving. I did not respond yet again. I don't think I should be responding. As hard as it may be. I do still love her, but for my own self respect I don't think I should respond even though I want her back, but it should be her texting me telling me she made the big mistake in leaving in the first place. Any thoughts?

Etype32 I agree with your logic.

She's not saying the things YOU want to hear. Probably never will either. Even if she wanted to say, “I miss you”, “I love you”, “Take me back…” it would take her putting herself out there to do so. Many will just not do that, it’s a leap of faith and it’s scary. I’m of that belief that if a person really wants it, wants it bad, they’ll do exactly that, put themselves out there and take a chance.

I like what you’re doing, keep moving forward. Be cordial if you see her face to face but don’t read into anything. My guess is she’s feeling guilty. She’s sending out these messages to you looking for your acceptance, acceptance of past her actions. Once you begin to acknowledge and become friendly you give absolution.

If you cannot accept your friend zone demotion, then don't respond at all. You may want her back, but she doesn't want you back as a romantic partner, just as a friend.

If I were you, I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for her to want romance with you again, so just get about doing your own thing without her. Then at least you will enjoy what you do, and not be so available for her friendly overtures.

The others have given great advice. Think about it this way, if you respond to her, and she replies again, it's only going to give you false hope that she may want you want. Why put yourself through so much setback when you've made so much progress?

As for NC, there's no way to put a timeline on how long it will take for it to work. NC is only a tool to help you recover. Much of the recovery has to come from within yourself. For example, in your situation, you still have feelings for her, so even though you're not in contact with her, you still have hope that you can get back together one day. Until you can let go of that, it's not going to be easy to get over the break up, regardless of how long you've been in NC.

In addition to NC, try to channel your energy into proactively trying to get over her. For example, when she texts you, it's obviously not going to be very important, so just disregard the text and delete them right away. You don't want to find yourself re-reading the texts and overanalyzing them. If she wanted you back so badly, she would just call you. But don't sit by the phone hoping for it to right. Instead of waiting around for her, go out and do things for yourself. Go have fun. Sports. Friends. etc.

NC always works.

Always remember you broke up for a reason. That is enough reason not to get back together. Tell yourself this before your go to sleep every night (try this, seriously, this isn't a metaphor) and you will move on quicker than you think.

Thanks for everyone's great support and advice. I just wanted to add. A little bit about the situation. She has moved down here all alone she doesn't have friends or family around here. She lives alone and does everything alone. I don't want to go in depth into it, she got moved up to become a manager at our work. The manager became a goood friend to her, would take her to work, be supportive to her. I don't know what the intentions were but it doesn't matter. Either way the guy is leaving for good. She is left to run the place next season as its open only seasonally. I left in good terms with the owners whom they assume I will come back. The season is over and I don't know if I can or should go back next year. Even though it's a good job, if things are still the way they are would be wise to go back and work together, let alone having her as my manager?

Once you have properly healed, then you can decide for yourself.

You're too caught up with wanting to get back into a romantic relationship with her. Set your feelings aside, what would actually be the best career move for you?

There's no way to know if you'll ever get back with her, chances are, you will never get back together. Are you willing to accept that fact? If you are, then make the choice based on what's best for you and not a decision revolving around her.

NC is for your healing not to give her time to miss you or want you back.
Move on with your life. She is out of the picture. Heal, then you can make decisions regarding your work apart and regardless of her.

As far as your original questions goes, "NC, will it work?". The answer is no, CAN it work, yes, WILL it? Maybe. But regardless of what happens it is up to her, whether to be friends with you, whether to contact you, whether she wants a romantic relationship with you, or whether she never wants to see you again. So let her make that choice, don't think that stupid mind games will surely get her back, sure it might increase the chances, but the damage is done, the break-up happened! So, as soon as you realize that the sooner you will be able to use the NC to your benefit, which will be healing from this relationship; It is obvious that you are having mixed feelings like this, feeling tough and powerful still in a situation where you have no control. STOP, you are only hurting yourself, appreciate all the experiences that you have had with this lady that made you feel the way you have felt, and say thank you. At the end of every relationship we walk away how we choose to but I believe it is better to walk away with our heads high, looking forward, in pain (because we are human believe it or not), and wit our goals in life at hand. But also, we must look to the future because there will be more women, many more and maybe even better than this one, some that you will get amazingly well to and others that you will loath having around, which ever the case may be don't get stuck with one, and go out there and experience things because after all, memories are the only things that we keep forever.

Good Luck,

Javi

P.S. As far as work goes, these two decisions are made completely SEPARATE!

Comment on mmresd's post

Thanks mmresd for your advice. I am doing really well, getting on with my life, going to school, working out again. I am on the right path. Sometimes I get some bumps along the way which make me over think some times. Overall I have to just move on.

Comment on Homegirl 50's post

Thanks homegirl, appreciate all your help

I have posted here before regarding situations with my ex. I have come along way from the break up in April. Long story short, she broke up with me because she needed time for herself, she was being shady, lying and not being honest with me. After I stopped working with her I started NC. It worked and helped me with the healing process. She tried conacting me a couple months after NC, I kept on ignoring messages. She recently sent me a message saying" i dont mean to bother you, but i wanted to see if i can take you out for your birthday next week." I don't what she wants, so I replied saying asking if she needs to tell me sometthing, and that we haven't talked in months and I don't feel we can see or talk to each other at this time, plus I will be out of time. And said maybe we can talk in the new year. Her reply was "i just wanted to take you out for your birthday and it would be nice to see you, im sorry you feel that way. have a merry christmas" Any advice anyone can give in this sitiuation.

This decision is yours man. You have two options. Keep doing what you are doing knowingly that you might be ruining another chance with her (but you are close to healing, or so it seems); or you can acknowledge her and tell her that you want to try things again risking you having your heart broken again (worse this time). Whatever you decide, I would personally give it a show if I liked the girl, because of the possibility of success, I don't really like to let opportunities pass along without at least trying it. But that is just me.

Good Luck,

Javi

You did the right thing. If you are not ready to see her then you are not ready, simple as that. You call the shots on your life. Who knows what her motivations are and it doesn't really matter.

You are probably feeling a little unsure of your decision but, you in time you will realize that it was the right choice.

I know you are confused by the choice is in your hand , the way you told me about your short story she didn't damage you by cheating or leaving you with broken heart, the choice is yours to get her back and do your rules and tell her the things you hate about her so she won't do in the future , or ignore her and countinue where you life it was

To be honest, I think it could be an attempt to be "friends." Her wanting to take you out for your birthday doesn't mean she wants to get back together, you can have dinner with an ex if there's no feelings involved on both parts.

I'd stick to NC and ignore her. Whatever she is up to, is probably no good for you.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to pandead again.

See how one message can get you thinking about all the what ifs??

You don't know what she wants?
She told you!! She wanted to take you out for birthday and it would be nice to see you.

That's it. But because your still emotionally invested in this, you think it means more than that. Well it doesn't. It is what it is. Nothing more.

You did the right thing and declined the invite but as you saw, when you pushed your own agenda she backed off. She doesn't want what you do.

She asked to take you out for your birthday NOT plan your futures together. Simple as that.

Now you're thinking of back peddling and calling her back, telling her blah, blah, blah... feeling you blew your chances with her.

Don't.

Just let it go for now. Your attempts to recover show even more weakness. Stay your course with no contact. She my contact you again in the future, she may not, if she does try not to read into it.

A simple, I am sorry but have plans but thanks, would have done nicely. You need more healing time if a gesture like this has you thinking of all kinds of things, but you have made some progress to build on.