So I'm 17 almost 18 and my boyfriend just turned 19. We met because he moved in under my brothers invitation, and he pays rent and everything. When he first moved here from Denver he was just going to stop and visit my brother, but he decided he wants to move here. So recently he went back to Denver to gather up his things and say his goodbyes. When he left he left a bag of his stuff here, he specifically told me not to go through it he said, "respect my privacy, there are things you don't want to see in there". So, after resisting the temptation for about a week, I looked in his back and I found needles and a spoon - the kit for smack.
I know he does cocaine, and we both do some very mild drugs together (mostly grass and mdma) and we are very open about drugs. I told him I don't mind him doing cocaine every once and a while, as long as it didn't change his attitude or behavior. He does it a bit more than once and a while. He told me that he tried to buy smack (heroin) but my brother told him not to because he didn't want it in our house. He also told me that he used to do smack a lot but quit because he was in love with a girl who asked him too. I just assumed that was the end of his using.

I will not date a junkie, or anyone who shoots up. The fact that he does cocaine is pushing it. But I love him so much and know if I brought up heroin he would know I disobeyed him. What do I do??

"What do I do?" You said what you will do: "I will not date a junkie, or anyone who shoots up."

Now, why did you snoop when he told you not to? Maybe he wanted you to find what you did -- reverse psychology.

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Originally Posted by rad0123

So I'm 17 almost 18 and my boyfriend just turned 19. We met because he moved in under my brothers invitation, and he pays rent and everything. When he first moved here from Denver he was just going to stop and visit my brother, but he decided he wants to move here. So recently he went back to Denver to gather up his things and say his goodbyes. When he left he left a bag of his stuff here, he specifically told me not to go through it he said, "respect my privacy, there are things you don't want to see in there". So, after resisting the temptation for about a week, i looked in his back and i found needles and a spoon - the kit for smack.
I know he does cocaine, and we both do some very mild drugs together (mostly grass and mdma) and we are very open about drugs. I told him I don't mind him doing cocaine every once and a while, as long as it didn't change his attitude or behavior. He does it a bit more than once and a while. He told me that he tried to buy smack (heroin) but my brother told him not to because he didn't want it in our house. He also told me that he used to do smack a lot but quit because he was in love with a girl who asked him too. I just assumed that was the end of his using.

I will not date a junkie, or anyone who shoots up. The fact that he does cocaine is pushing it. But I love him so much and know if I brought up heroin he would know I disobeyed him. What do I do???

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Well he was correct. He asked you not to look in the bad because you wouldn't like what you will find. He was correct.

Now that you know what are you going to do?

I think you are way too young for all of this drama. Well in this situation, age doesn't matter. Still, I believe that you need to break it off. Stay away from those who do that.

I know you care for him. I just wouldn't put myself in a situation where you will/can be hurt.

Please be wise.

You do drugs with him, you don't mind that he does cocaine but you don't want to be involved with a junkie or anyone who shoots up. Get real!
He is not only disrespecting your brother's home, how would your brother feel knowing he's doing drugs with his sister?
Stay away from him and learn to not snoop in people's personal stuff, especially when they have asked you not to.
Stay away from drugs yourself.

Maybe bring up heroine in another way and see how he reacts. If he acts like he looks down on those who do heroine, or is against it, and you clearly know he's lyiing to you, break up with him. But in a non obvious way maybe. What I mean by non obvious is like, don't let him think it's because of heroine, find another reason to break up with him. Maybe even use the cocaine as an excuse. After all you are free to change your mind about how you feel about his usage.
Its not healthy to be in this relationship from my perspective. He's lying to you about doing heroine. You're lying to him about knowing he's doing it. And it will only cause things to get worse. Plus, you know what you want, or rather don't want. You don't want to date a junkie. You may love him, or rather, BELIEVE you love him, but if he isn't willing to quit these unhealthy and bad habits for you or himself, he doesn't love you or himself. Good luck dear,

Ok, you are OK with that drug and this drug, but not this and that, I am laughing so hard, A drug snob, as long as it is drugs you do, it is OK, you and him are both drug users and you just don't see it.

Now you invade his privacy after he says not to,

Honestly, you both deserve each other.

You tell him you were being a snoop, apologize and then you leave him alone. He's a junkie and you can't be trusted. Neither of you will continue to be happy with the other.

You know the whole situation is bad news. You snooped because you sense he was lying. He left it lying around because he didn't have the guts to admit to the heroine. No amount of drug use is OK. At some point you probably thought doing drugs was really bad and were never going to do it. Then you probabky tried alcohol, maybe cigarettes. Then pot was OK. Now a little cocaine - as long as it's not with a needle. Wake up. You are selling your soul and lowering your standards for yourself, and are dating a very serious drug addict. Is that what you had in mind when you were little? That you were going to do drugs and date an addict? How do you feel about getting HIV and hepatitis? It's very common among IV drug users - is that OK with you? And yeah, if he tells you this or that to make it better - know this - addicts are first rate liars.

Where are your parents in all of this? You should not be living with a boyfriend as a teenager - the whole situation is really crazy.

This guy and his drugs need to go and you need drug counseling as well, and to remind yourself what you want out of life. Tell your brother and parents what you found and don't worry about the guy's privacy. I'd tell his parents, too.

The kit isn't kept for sentimental reasons. He will use again.

Yeah. You violated his privacy. He also set you up. Sorry. If he wanted to hide it better, he wouldve. Period... "whatever you do, do NOT look in there"... really? How often does THAT ultimatum work?

So why did he set you up? To test whether you would respect his personal space?

To test whether he was respecting your brothers house and personal space?

To test whether you were passive enough to put up with his sh!t? Or to see if you would push him?

Honestly, I don't care. And you shouldn't either.

He used. He will likely use again. You get to choose what you want to be around... and the crap you put up with shouldn't depend on how much you like a guy or how cute he is... sorry.

I've done my fair share of damage in the past with substance abuse. I have some perspective. If you stay, knowing that he is likely to use, you choose this. You cannot make him quit, you can't keep him clean off whatever drugs you deem unfit... but you can choose what you do with you.

I just don't know how you cannot expect him to not eventually put that needle in his vein.

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Ok, you are ok with that drug and this drug, but not this and that, I am laughing so hard, A drug snob, as long as it is drugs you do, it is ok, you and him are both drug users and you just don't see it.

Now you invade his privacy after he says not to,

Honestly, you both deserve each other.

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I only smoke grass. Not cigarettes, I don't drink. If you don't smoke you don't understand. We've done MDMA together once and that's all I will do. It's not drugs that I do, its pot only.

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Originally Posted by rad0123

I only smoke grass. Not cigarettes, I don't drink. If you don't smoke you don't understand. We've done MDMA together once and thats all I will do. It's not drugs that I do, its pot only.

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Is this the kind of life you want for yourself?

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Now that you found this out about your boyfriend, what do you want to do about it?

This is ridiculously too funny to not respond. This is going to be harsh!

"I don't do drugs, just pot"

DUH, marijuana is a drug. Just because it's just as easy to get now-a-days as aspirin doesn't mean your local narcotics team doesn't consider it a drug. It's just as much a drug as X and chiva. (MDMA and heroine)

"If you don't smoke you wouldn't understand"

You think you have an understanding of this because you're on the other end of the spectrum, hunny I've been there, I've been where you're at and a helluva lot deeper. The ENTIRE time I knew what I was doing was wrong, I never comprimised my way of thinking and the way I was brought up to justify doing the things that I did. You're creating false ideas that what you're doing can be justified because you're different then someone who doesn't smoke. Get a grip on reality!The fact is what you're doing is illegal, no ifs ands or buts. No excuses, no lame explanation needed.


"I don't date junkies"

What is your definition of a junkie? Please tell me. A junkie is someone who is dependent on a substance of some sort. This substance could be anything, alcohol, weed, cocaine, the love drug, chiva, or if you're like my wife then Mt. Dew. I agree coompletely with whomever called you a drug snob. You can do substances A, B and C but D, and E are off limits. Bull****, you let him do pot, he'll weasle into doing cocaine, you start letting him do cocaine, he'll weasle into Ecstacy, you let him weasle in to ecstacy he'll weasle into chiva. Before you know you wake up knee deep in **** wondering where the past 5 years of your life went and wondering why you have no friends because believe you me the more you let him do the more you will do. Plain and simple.

"I don't mind him cocaine once in a while"

OMFG, really? Is this a serious post. Let me guess, if we don't date cocaine users we wouldn't understand? Grow up, clean up and dump this loser. Start respecting yourself and most importantly your brother.


Oh yea I almost forgot, see what you get when you snoop!!

Rick

You didn't say how long you've been dating this guy.

So you are, whether you like it or not, covering up for an active drug user. He's a regular cocaine user, and told your brother he wanted to buy heroin, but your brother said no. Surely you realize that he will do it anyway.

Think about this. He's paying rent you say, but for how long, and where is the money coming from. Does he have a high school diploma? Does he work? Did your brother do a criminal background check on this guy? Why do you think he decided to stay instead of return to his (I presume) home town?

If he were clean, going to school, or had work before he landed there, that would be a different story, although I would have been very cautious to have him move in, and at least have done a few checks on him.

How do you feel about him living with you now. That was why I asked how long the two of you have dated. If its only been a few months, how do you know that he's not using you, in order to move in in the first place. Not to mention that living with a boyfriend you (don't) know after a short period isn't usually a safe, or wise thing to do. No matter what your age is.

The plus in this is that you are asking questions. I don't think it was a great idea that you snooped in his stuff, but at least you learned something about him that is more than he has a nice watch and a few family photos. In which case, you likely wouldn't have written your question in the first place.

But what you found has you thinking, hopefully, that this guy is not who he says he is, and maybe you and your brother are being set up for a situation you did not anticipate because you obviously didn't have all the facts before he moved in.

My advice to you is, you are probably being used as insurance. Your brother sees you happy with him, and him having no reason to know about his drug use, what's not to like. A good clean guy, dating his sister, paying rent. But you know there is far more to him now, than you thought there was.

Be careful, and make sure you protect yourself. I presume you are on birth control. Try to maintain your own independence in your home, and observe carefully. Don't compromise by keeping secrets with him about his drug use, and don't keep your brother in the dark. Don't cover up for him. Your boyfriend is expecting loyalty, and that too is more insurance for him.

Your relationship with him, I fear, has already started with deception, and lies, and isn't likely to get any better.

Just be careful.

If you don't feel comfortable with being with someone who does whatever drug you define as "too" bad, then don't be with that person. You don't have to tell him why, not only have you disrespected and mistrusted him by 1. not listening to a request he made of you, and 2. searching through his stuff, which are things that a girlfriend should not be doing. Just move on to someone that has better habits than this guy has, and you will be happier, obviously it kills you to be with someone like that.

Good Luck,

Javi

A drug is a drug, is a drug. What's interesting is you had no clue about the heroin until you found his kit. Now you know what his drug of choice is, and you can decide for yourself to accept it, or not, but you don't get to point fingers, and think your better because of what drugs you use, or how much. If it's a problem then do something about it.

He knew you will snoop, and didn't care, so consider this as a dope fiend move to inform you of what he does, and what he likes to do. He can always blame it on YOU, so he is blameless. Yes, you are being manipulated, and that's another dope fiend move.

I see a lot of these posts as saying drop this guy because he's bad news. Let me tell you something, just because your question asked what you should do with him doesn't mean I'm going to turn a blind eye to what you're doing.

Not only do you need to drop this guy, you need to clean yourself up. You're probably getting pissed because in your mind pot is not that big of a deal but let me give you some perspective.

Look what it's doing to you, you're engaging an individual to disrespect your brother, disrespect himself and you. You're dating a complete druggie and accepting the life involved with being a "junkie" and you're snooping through things that aren't yours. To me it looks like your life is headed in the wrong direction. You may not blame the pot but look what it's brought into your life... lies, mistrust, disrespect etc...

I do this to try and help. Not only with your question that you asked but you clearly have a problem yourself. I hope you take this advice and try and make the best of this situation you've put yourself in. Get out while you can, get out while you can say the only drugs you've did are X and weed.

Good Luck, you'll need it.

Rick


P.S. By him leaving his bag there he knew you would snoop through it. This is his way of telling you without actually telling you. That leads me to believe either A) he knows you'd be mad, or B) he' going to get you in on it.

Well, you stepped into that trap, didn't you? He may have wanted to get caught. He may have wanted to see if you were trustworthy. Looks like neither of you are.

A fact you may have missed, cocaine can be injected. So he may be shooting up with the drug that you find more acceptable. He is still, supposedly, shooting up and, supposedly, you find that unacceptable.

Be honest with him about what you did. He is going to know and it would best coming from you.

Be honest with your brother that you can't be trusted with his tenant's belongings and perhaps it would best for the 'friend/boyfriend/tenant' to find another place to live.

By the way, don't lie to yourself about your habit because you don't see major issues with marijuana. It impairs your judgment just as much as alcohol does. It will also show up on drug tests and can help you not get or lose a job.