Okay I'm a young teen lesbian and on the dykish side. And I hate it a lot. Im so different from everyone else, I look like a boy and its harder to find love. It hurts that I'm so freaking different from so many other girls and it feels like I'm the only one out there suffereing from this but I know I'm not. I see it all the time online or whatever. My hairs short, and I wear bandages around my breast, and I never wear dresses/skirts. I feel ashamed of what I am, and I feel like ill never find anyone out there that feels the same or knows where I'm coming from. Im also in the closet still so it makes me feel even worse because people say they can hook me up with a boy when that's not what I want at all. And what's worse, is that boys seem to fall for me more than girls, like *** it doesn't make sense. Sometimes I debate with myself because I'm thinking I should just turn straight [ grow long hair, dress girly, be all fragile, get with boys, etc.] but I know in my heart that's not who I am or what I want to be. Its not a freaking choice of what I am... I wish god never made me like this I just want to be normal and have a normal freaking life. It really kills that I'm so different, I got to hide most of myself, and it could take longer to find love. It hurts a lot and I'm ashamed of what I am. If anyone can give me support/advice on helping me to deal please that would be really great. Please I'm in desperate need of advice and comfort... im sick of my orientation.

How old are you?

First off from the way your sounding it doesn't seem your about lesbian. It sounds like you have gender confusion. Have you talked to someone about that?

I'm 14, I know that's young and no I don't. Im not transgendered. I just want to look more of a boy but not have the parts and voice etc. But because of that I feel ashamed and I think that its just not right to be this way. Get it?

You are who you are, some like long hair, some people are heavy, you prefer to have male dress and looks.

If you can not handle looking like that for now, then don't, change your appearance to fit in with others till you have grown and matured enough to have the ability to publicly make the statement of who you are.

I agree with califdadof3 you seem very much confused on your sexual orientation. You should ask yourself this am I really into girls? N girls only because if you have to think twice on it then most likely your not a lesbian. There's nothing wrong with being a lesbian and just because you look like a boy that means that you should like girls your still very young and so very much confused on whether you like boys or girls. The way you look shouldn't make you decide who you like mor boys or girls just talk to someone about it like an adult that has more wisdom

The only real way for you to know how you particularly feel with either boys or girls is to experiment with things, please don't get this as me telling you to go out there and try everything at once. Of course as you get older you will get the chance to really find out how you feel about things. Don't be yourself up over who you are because you are the only person in the world that make you happy. And I know you've hurt this before: everyone is different. Some more than others I know, but it is not the differences, but how you handle them that make you a happy person or not. If you like girls then be happy about it, and if you like boys then enjoy that, because if not your are going to go through life with always worrying about something that you do not have a choice over, and that is mentally damaging on soooo many levels. Be yourself and be happy and you will see a difference in people and how they act towards you, and maybe then you can begin finding out what your actual sexual orientation, because as of right now, it sounds like you are completely confused.

A couple weeks ago I met a girl who hated herself for being a female, couldn't stand to play along with society rules of how a lady should act or how the media has influenced all as to why girls HAVE to wear skirts, and wear make up. But, I got her to understand that until she is comfortable with who she is, she wouldn't be able to start being happy with how society will act towards her. Trust me when I say this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, a lot of people are different, in fact, they are so abnormal that have issues just fitting into society because they can't. You are not missing anything (physically) and mentally you are confused as much as any other 14 year old girl could. Not saying you are one in a bunch, because I do believe that everyone is exceptional in their own way, but it is how you DEAL with it that sets you apart from people who cannot overcome their problems.

Good Luck

Javi

It sounds more like you don't want to be female then that you are a lesbian. Believe it or not, you actually are pretty normal. It certainly isn't unusual for a teen to have confusion about their sexuality as they go through puberty and adolescence.

What you really need is help to sort through your feelings, understand them and learn how to deal with them. And experimenting with sex with others is NOT the way to do that.

Talk to a counselor at school. They can help connect you to a counselor trained to deal with what you are going through. Maybe help you find a support group where you can meet others in the same situation.

What you shouldn't feel is ashamed of your differences. We all have differences and its how we deal with them that makes us what we are.

I know it's tough for you right now - I'm going through something sort-of similar myself so I totally empathise with your feelings of wanting to be 'normal' and hating yourself for being different - but, I promise you, it WILL get better. Life's about standing out, not about fitting in, but I understand that's sometimes hard to stick to. I'm a 15-year-old gothic kind of girl who loves dressing like a girl, so I don't have advice on dressing like a guy, but I am attracted to girls... and not guys. The only times I notice guy's bodies is when I want to look like them. :) Sorry, I'm kind of rambling. My advice is DON'T hate yourself - never, ever do that. You're beautiful and unique and one day you're going to meet someone who will love you for who you are, unconditionally. Oh, also, check on the itgetsbetter campaign on youtube:

http://www.youtube.com/itgetsbetterproject

It's basically a place where people post videos telling LGBT teens (or really anyone who's having a tough time) that life gets so much better. I think it was set up in response to the wave of gay teens committing suicides. These videos are basically what people would say to gay teens if they just had five or so minutes with them. I've watched a couple and I always feel better afterwards. :)

I've been in a similar position to you (sort-of... I don't really dress masculine but I did go through a period of hating myself and there are times when I wish I was heterosexual and 'normal') and I do understand how you feel, though hopefully I don't sound patronising when I say that. I've recently come out of the closet to a couple of my close friends and my mum. My mum didn't deal with it well and currently can't stand to look at me, but most of my friends have been really supportive and it does help knowing there are people out there who will love and support you no matter what. Your teen years are always hellish and I think it can be even worse if you're gay, but you will get that happily ever after and there will be a day when you look in the mirror and feel happy about who's looking back.

I don't think you have gender confusion - though obviously that's just my humble opinion - to me it sounds like you're just confused about who you are and I think that's something every teenager goes through. I think a lot of lesbians wonder if they are men in women's bodies - I certainly did. Do you think you would feel happier as a man? Maybe thinking on that a bit would help, since it sort of tells you where you stand. I'm sorry I can't give you better advice but I was feeling pretty alone and desperate recently and when I read your post I felt like I just had to respond, if only to ramble and try to tell you that you are in no way alone and definitely not wrong in any way. This hurts like hell but I promise it gets so much better. *hugs*

Your advice is the best out of all of them, thank you so much.

You really are quite similar to me. But I'm 18 and older than you. So, I can even call you, "hey kid". Haha you. (hey do not get harsh with me OK, I'm here to give you the nicest ideas)
First of all, since I don't know where you are from, I cannot see how much difficulties you are dealing with, in your society. So, I have you ask you that " Are you a tomboy? ". I'm an Asian tomboy (btw, you know, tomboys are not lesbians, cause guys likes tomboys and girls also do. Heehee, it's sometime so fun. Hey, I don't mean bisexuals. Don't take it so serious ) I love to sing, basketball, wear shorts and tshirts, looks like a boy with tomboy hair style, stay cool, yah :) and I'm happy to be myself.
But, when I was around 16 and 17 plus, I hated to be asked the question " Are you a boy? ... or a girl? ". Most of the people mistaken me, but now, all people who see me for the first time also know that I'm a Tomboy :P . I don't feel ashamed cause of my appearance. I ware cute and fashionable but I don't hide my female figures like you do(bandages?). Its just lying yourself or making yourself uncomfortable. I just be myself and act free. So, I am just having a style that's "Tomboyish". So, may I ask you, do you want to be like that? Be yourself and have a tomboyish style?
Second of all, you said you cannot come out from the closet. Does that mean you know your sexual orientation very well but have to lie yourself in order to fit in your society or your family? I am also like you but a little bit different. I feel like I'm a lesbian but I'm still confused and I even asked a question about my sexual orientation in this website. I had a lot of girls and even until now, flittering with some of them ( I'm from a girl school when I was young until my 15s ). But, I don't know what is love. I'm also looking for a TRUE LOVE and don't try to think more than that (at this moment). I mean I don't want to think about sex. I still want to be a virgin as usual.
I think, you are still so young and may be there are people who are just flittering around you or some nice couples that you admire in your school. So, this leads you to think that your friends are ready for their true love and knowing very well about their sexual orientation but you could be wrong. Listen, Love can come out from your heart, anytime, anywhere, by anyone but you just cannot see where, when and how it will come to you.
So, yah. Don't think too much and be yourself. Try to be what you want to be and if you don't like it then change yourself and try out the other ways. The only thing I want to advice and FORGEt about the others,first. Think about yourself. Don't worry. Everything is already there, just that you haven't pass them by.
I had some girlfriends who loved me a lot and I thought I love them, too. But at that time I didn't have any idea about lesbianism but just girl to girl love in school. Now, I know more and think more. Finally, I got nothing but confusions.
You get it I think. So, just try to enjoy your life. And be who you already are.
Yay... I wish you're happy now. I know my answer is late. But I hope you will check it :)
__skioice

Hello ghost,
Oh, how should I call you. Anyway, your ideas are great. I'm also feeling the same way. But try to be happy. One day, we'll find our true love. Man in woman body? Yah right... certainly yes I'll check utube now.
Thanks dear...

To me god would not have made you. Girl if he didn't want you to be. Really it's your choice of who you are no one else's. You were not made a lesbian and your not unless you choose to be. It all with in what you want it's never I am made this way and stuck like this. It is all what you decide for yourself because if you really want to change you can