About 23 years ago, I found the most beautiful woman that I ever saw. She was everything that I wanted in a soul mate. We dated for a short period. Since breaking up because she relocated to Florda, I have caught with her over the years. Each time we reunited, those strong feelings resurfaced. She has since married a nice guy. I have since married as well. Fast forward to three months ago, I found her on Facebook. I was so excited to have found her. We had very small talk randomly. Then two weeks ago, she sent me a private chat. That chat session last five hours that night. She alluded to problems she was having in her marriage and the possibility that she was going to get divorced. For the next five nights, we chatted for hours at a time. She asked that I call her. I did - it was great to hear her voice again. Then, she asked me to come see her. I did. The moment I saw her - those feelings were resurected. She was utterly beautiful in every way possible. I just couldn't believe I was with her again. I did not even feel uncomfortable that I was doing this behind my wife's back. We spoke for four hours. We hugged and she left - she had to pick her kids up. I drove back home considering how I was going to leave my wife. Although my wife is a wonderful person, I will never have the feelings for my wife that I do for this woman. We have chatted since then but I need to have her in my life. Why am I considering ending my marriage to be with the other woman? I think about her night and day, songs on the radio remind me of her. I am completely distracted by her being back in my life. What should I do?

You made a commitment to your wife; what you should do is stick with that commitment. There must have been a good reason you married her in the first place.

Tick

Isn't there a clue in your breakup when she moved away? Why didn't you go with her or why didn't she stay? Why didn't you pine for her and keep in touch?

Love that didn't have time to get stale is always fresh and wonderful, so ask yourself if it's worth giving up what you have, only to find out in a year that this long lost love is pretty much going to feel the same way your marriage does now. Your choice, your risk.

You are married and should be ashamed of yourself. To even consider giving up a long-term marriage to renew a past short relationship is ridiculous.

Do you have children?

Sure you're awe-struck by her good looks, but her good looks won't always be around. You don't love her, you only are lusting after her.

I don't know, maybe I'm wrong, but I'm thinking that you should leave your wife. At least maybe then she'd be able to find someone who loves her and is loyal to her and who doesn't lust after another woman and who doesn't cheat behind her back.

Sounds to me it was unfinished business. Life has offered you the opportunity to finish it. A challenge to add this adversity to your life. Since it is early on before getting too caught up in it. Some great juicy questions/insight would assist you in making your choice to continue.

Identify if you are reminiscing past feelings or the idea of what could be so supposedly wonderful if you had her in your life.
It's been sooo longgg so naturally when her marriage is failing she is going to want comfort and perhaps your marriage has some downfall that may get you considering to compromise what you have for something that you thought you could have been better. After this llloooonngg period both of you have baggage and will have to deal with it even if you both got together.
Marriages do not fail, people let marriages fail. Truly, really think about what decisions you're making for yourself. You're going to go through it and put up with you not her, nor your wife, or even family.

I don't know what kind of woman she is or who she but we all are capable of being manipulative of some sort to get needs fulfilled. Subconsciously or consciously for selfish reasons.

Why are you considering leaving your wife?
Are you happy with your wife and yourself?
What is it that your wife cannot be or do that this woman can?
Is your marriage getting boring that maybe you think you need something fresh?
What is it about the conversations that you have with her that gets your emotions run wild and hot for her?
What do you want?

You are chasing a fantasy. You have not lived with her as a wife, so you do not know what life is really like with her in it. So your feelings are based on fantasy that it will always be this. It is more like a high school crush or fling. I am sure you have strong feelings for her, but is she worth leaving your wife for?

First of all you need to be sure that this is worth uprooting yourself and devastating your wife. Make sure that you will nolt be sorry later. Consider the fact that this will change everythingin your life. I am not saying you shouldn't be happy But we all have the one person that we think back on. But are you fantasizing at this point.
Are you in love with the fantasy. When you live with someone, things become clearer. If you are still planning to do this, then tell you wife honestly. See what she is going to do about her situation. You have got to weigh the pros and cons and one of these are the fact you will have to change everything and so is she. I am not saying to make a decision based on what is easier, but you would have to deal with her situation and hers. Is she willing to change the lives of her children etc. The decision has to be what is better but the sneaking around only effects everybody. If you decide to stay with your wife then let this relationship go. It will continue to be distraction and you are playing with fire

When a fantasy becomes reality it very rarely remains a fantasy.

You're married, she's married, there are children involved. Grow up and take care of your responsibilities and stop living in a fantasy world.

My heart breaks for your wife. She is a lady you, yourself said was wonderful, you took marriage vows with her. Marriage vows to me are sacred, they are taken before God. I need to also say, your wife doesn't deserve to have you not giving her your whole heart.

You said that this other woman told you about the issues and problems she was having in her marriage, can you honestly look back at the time before you reconnected to this other woman, and honestly say that you would have even had a fleeting thought of leaving your wife? Think before you act (even though you have already "acted" some think before you "act" more). Remember this, misery loves company. This women might see you as a way out or maybe "sharing" her pain with you and the way she talks maybe it is making you question your feelings. Seriously, it doesn't sound like this other woman is all that wonderful. Isn't she sneaking around behind her husbands back and not to mention you are sneaking behind your wife's back. Guess you don't sound so wonderful either, do you? Nope. I have say, if you are question it you must know that it is wrong. If you want a pat on the back, high five, or someone giving their approval for you to seek what this other women is offering... you won't get it from me.

I do know what memories of old loves can do to you. I think we all have at least one that is "the one that got away" but that is it... they got away. There was a reason the relationship ended. Can I see where you are coming from ever, done the what ifs about a man from my past? Yes, I will admit I have but I would never want the one that broke up a marriage. As I said those are sacred vows.

Let me guess, you found her on Facebook and added her to your friends list. Reason number one that Facebook should be banned... but that's a whole other topic. Personally, I'm on the receiving end of just such a problem. 2 years ago, a man I was very much in love with, 34 years ago contacted me via Facebook. Initially he broke our relationship off, but then couldn't seem to let me go as he continued to call me off and on for another full year. I finally put an end to the pain and asked him not to come back. He respected my request, and while I never got over him, I moved on. When I received his request to speak to me, I was married and so was he. However, my husband has since past away and he continues to email me.

Here's my point... I have no intention of being the other woman, and have since blocked him from messaging me, and had to delete my Facebook account. Like yourself, I cannot get over him and clearly he has never gotten over me. But for what ever reason we did not get spend the rest of our lives together. I don't know why and neither do you. One thing I do know is that finding out those, "What if," answers only brings more pain.


Let her go... and start courting your wife again. If it happens to be that you married her because she reminded you of the other woman, then take off your rose colored glasses and see her for who she really is. She deserves your undivided attention, and that is what you promised to give her. These side distractions are just Satan's way of trying to destroy you, and the good thing you've got.