Ask Me Help Desk - Custody of children

I just turned 14, and I live with my mom. I go to my dad's house every other weekend, and every Tuesday night I sleep over his house until Wednesday morning and then I go to school. I'm in high school, and I get a lot of homework, and tests, and just lots of work. I also have a brother who is in middle school, but doesn't get as much work as me. It's really diffucult to go to his house on Tuesday nights. First of all because I have to bring my purse for school, then all my binders, all my notebooks etc, all my makeup, my clothes for the next day, pajamas,all my hair products, and there's just so much, oh and my laptop. It's just so ridicoulus because we talk about this how its really hard to sleep over there and like why not just go out to dinner or something. But all he says is that he doesnt't care, and that's what I want so that's whhat is going to happen. He's not really nicce, not in an abusive way or aything, jjust mean. And I'm working my butt of in school trring to get all A+-B, but it's so hard because he thinks that since I'm doing good that tuesdays are fine with him. Last year I did so bad, and got 4 D's and then on the next report card got like a D and an F so I think that he sees that I'm improving so that tuesdays are fine with him. Anyway I just want to know how old do you have to be to tell a judge that I don't want to see my dad's on tuesdays, and I really don't want to do dinner either, in the state of NJ, and that I just want to see him everyother weekend. By the way my brother is going to be 12 in like a month so can he also tell the judge that he doesn't want to go on tuesdays either, or is he to young?

You are old enough, so your mom will need to hire an attorney, go to court to get visitation order changed.

But to be blunt, if your dad did not care and love you he would not want you there.
So why not have double sets of make up, PJ's and more at his house so you don't have to carry it with you.

As for books, well you have to carry them anyway.

Sorry but he loves you and want to see you, you are not seeing it from his side.

And I doubt that a judge would take away his visits.

How about seeing if mom and dad will agree to just let you do one week at his house and one week with mom

I don't know about the ages and such, but it's my opinion that you are plenty old enough to decide when and with whom you want to live. I'm sure your father does love you and just wants to see you but as is the case with most divorces it sounds like he is too focused on what he wants and not what is best for you, his daughter. If you're going to put your children through a divorce at least work out the custody of the kids to best benefit them not yourself! If he haves to have you at his house 1 day in the week other than the weekend why not have it on Monday or something so you don't have to move your stuff as much back and forth. You sound pretty mature and reasonable to me. Talk to your mom and get her help. I hope you don't have to take this to court but if so I should hope that the judge as a 3rd party can make the decision that's best for you if your parents won't. Good luck!

Quote:

Originally Posted by viivincent

I don't know about the ages and such, but it's my opinion that you are plenty old enough to decide when and with whom you want to live. I'm sure your father does love you and just wants to see you but as is the case with most divorces it sounds like he is too focused on what he wants and not what is best for you, his daughter.

Do you have any proof of the statements your making? For one thing the OP can't tell a judge where she wants to live and it be followed verbatum. Only a judge can decide.

And the blanket statement you make about NCP's (noncustodial parents) could you reference that somewhere with statistics or something to prove what your saying?

Quote:

Originally Posted by viivincent

I don't know about the ages and such, but it's my opinion !

You are fairly new here so you may not understand how this site works. We have two categories of questions here; technical and non technical. Non technical questions are ones with no black and white answers, they are more a matter of opinion. Technical questions, however, do have specific answers that need to conform to scientific or other factors.

The law forums are considered technical forums and, as such, there is a higher standard of accuracy required. Also answers need to conform to existing statutes. These are not questions that can be answered with "its my opinion...". That legally a child can never decide which parent they want to live with. Only a court can make that determination. Please be more careful in the future if you try to answer technical questions without understanding the technical side.

Jessica, NJ law does not give you any rights about visitation until you are 16. At that point a court is less likely to force you to adhere to the visitation order. At that point, your mother can go to court to petition for a modification of the visitation order.

So, in the meantime, your best option is to sit down with both parents and explain the situation and see if they will agree to a different schedule.