I have decided not to tell or list the biological father of my unborn child. I saw this man choose to urinate in a public park with kids around. Two little girls were nearby and possibly saw his penis. When I saw them, I freaked out and told him there were kids coming (as he was still standing there with his penis in his hand.) Instead of covering up immediately, he actually turned towards where the kids with his penis completely showing (I saw this.) When I called him out on this and told him I was NOT OK with it, he accused me of being prudish and puritanical (two words that I know from experience are loaded and abusive, used to strip a woman of her sexual worth and attractiveness.) He also argued the value of teaching kids about the innocence and naturalness of a man peeing. I argued he is not their father to decide this. Of course he insisted they didn't see him but I know the geography of where he was standing and where the girls came out of (a small tree forest in a public park) and I believe they did see him.. Whether they did or not, he chose to do that in a place surrounded by children. There are other things he has done and said to indicate he does not respect women; such as using demeaning language to describe intimate moments. How can I protect myself and child if he seeks paternity testing? The emotional abuse I suffered while with him for only 3 months is very clear to me now, and I have no doubt he is unfit to be a father. Yes, it took me 3 months so put it all together and realize he was unfaithful, a liar, and abusive. I grew up with a stepfather who exposed us kids to all kinds of inappropriate sexual material and who also found ways to demean our natural instinct to call him out for it.. I refuse to repeat this cycle. This is my first child and I am single. I am very worried the legal system will allow him to put his foot in the door. This can not happen. Any advice?

Prudish and puritanical are not necessarily abusive words, and I don't see here how it strips a woman of sexual worth and attractiveness. They are at best old fashioned adjectives.

I do understand of course your position and you must report him to child services and/or the police for how he is carrying on in public before it escalates into something else far more dangerous. It would be wonderful if you had pictures of him performing these antics as proof that he may becoming a sexual predator.

Tick

In context, those words are abusive. What he did was place all the blame of his actions on 'me', (for being such things as prudish, puritanical.) like I said, 'in context' what he did with other things said and with those words specifically, is to make me feel small and as if I am the one who is in the wrong. Trust me, I'm clear about his manipulations.. those 'are' words used to belittle a woman's opinion against the actions of a man in some sexual context. And I share that to make the clear point that he argued he did nothing wrong... absolutely no accountability what so ever; and again placing the burden on me instead of owning up to it. Please keep an open mind as obviously, your first response about his language used to to defend him. Language is a key part in how many people abuse others.. it often is subtle... which is how they get away with it and confuse the people they are abusing.

I appreciate your advice. You are right, he should be reported but there are no other witnesses and of course he'll deny it. I also can not handle entering this battle (as I would be dragged into it even with an anonymous report) as I am early in pregnancy and need to focus on staying calm and being healthy. I'm not sure what to do.

Trust me, I know what verbal abuse connotates, but, greenly, I rose above what was done to me because I understood where it was coming from... a controlling alcoholic. Admittedly long term effects ae devastating and with me, later on, say 30 years or so, the repercussions now have taken their toll. Only my son will know just how much.

I have great sympathy for your situation, don't get me wrong. Are you living with him now, and can you leave for a womens' shelter to get away from this constant belittling?

You got the wrong impression, I wasn't defending his language, and to be quite honest, in another context those adjectives would seriously be a compliment to me; a compliment I would find quite amusing because I have taken female independence to a new high.

I think he is despicable; and I can appreciate your position not reporting him because of your present condition, under which it would be a monumentous decision on your part, opening yourself up to god knows what, and your baby as well.

Other members here will have their say as well, and I hope you take a little bit of this and that and put it all together to make you reach a decision in your life that will make the outcome beneficial to you.

Tick