Recently, I was having a conversation with my 20 year old daughter and she told me that her younger sister (18) quit her job at the restaurant where she was working. My daughter would not tell me where her sister was working just that she had another job. After going through a long list of occupations I found out my middle daughter quit her job because she is making more money stripping.

My daughter is 18 she is independent lives with her boyfriend and has no children. She graduated high school. Her father and I raised her together, we have given our childeren everything the could ever want and still continue to help them with money as adults. My husband is a well off business man and I am a elemantry teacher. I never imagined this path for her. I found out a year ago she uses marijuanna regulary. After finding out she's taking her clothes off for money I wonder what else is she doing? Are there more drugs involved?

I have not spoke to my daughter yet and I haven't told my husband. It is eating me up inside. I don't won't to involve my oldest daughter as I am glad she told me but don't want her father or sister thinking she betrayed them. I can't hold this secret in from my husband much longer. I know it will hurt him as we have 3 beautifull, smart, talented daughters and he would not think this would ever be a choice of our middle daughter. She has been stripping for about 5months from what I understand an the whole time she has looked her father and I in the face and lied about it.

How do I stop her? If she won't quit do accept it? I love my daughter I don't want to lose her or cut her out of our lives. My husband needs to know, but how do I tell him? Please help

Concerned mom

Before you mention anything to her dad, sit her down and talk to her. It isn't your job to tell him anyway; it is her responsibility to find the courage to bring it out in the open with him. Take the load of your shoulders, miss.november. You did what you had to do to raise them properly, but it doesn't mean you made a mistake along the way, she did.

Tick

Tick

Absolutely I agree with tick! Never ever take something important from another person's mouth anyway, and you need to hear the whole story. What if she quit just before you told your husband? And whatever you do and say, don't forget - she is an adult now, and not under your roof. You can cut off the funds without cutting off your love and concern. You need to talk calmly without passing judgment. Her stripping could range from at best embarrassment for you, to drugs and sex and crime, club owners forcing prostitution in exchange for drugs or not telling, etc (sorry about the alarm, but it happens. You know restaurants are famous for cocaine use to keep awake and busy for the long hours?). If she won't talk to you, you can afford to hire a PI to find out at least the reputation of the club and what she's doing after work. Keeping in mind that in some ways it's no longer your business.

How do I bring the subject up to my daughter? She will wonder how I found out and I don't want to put her older sister in the middle of the problem, that would do more harm than good.

miss.november, you don't have to tell your daughter how you know; it could have been a friend who told you (if you don't mind telling a white lie). It isn't like she is doing it privately, she is stripping in a bar, that is usually where they perform.

You don't have to tell her how you know, just that you know and have to address the issue.

Tick

First I will say , and you may not like it, she is a adult and can make her own choices, while not my idea, stripping does not make her a hooker or anything else other than a stripper. Few do anything else. And it is more common among college girls to earn money ( they make 100's of dollars a night at times) And I would bet all of your kids have at least tried pot at some time, and does not lead to hard core other drug use.

So I would not talk to her trying to change her mind, ( that would only drive her further away. You can just tell her you know what she is doing.

As for as telling your husband, do you two not talk, communicate about everything, if you can't figure out how to talk to him about problems with the kids, you have more serous issues in your relationship with him, than you do with a grown child not doing what you wanted for her.

I have to agree with Tick you should definitely speak to your daughter before you talk to your husband, even though your oldest is 20 she may have some of her facts mixed up and as for harder drugs I don't think just because you're a stripper you're a hard drug user or a hooker some woman do it because they get good money and there's some girls who may strip but not down to nude so before you freak out your husband or give yourself a heartattack worrying yourself about her doing hard drugs and such I would talk to her and ask her maybe she quit at the restaurant because of reasons you don't know about and she may have been lying to you and your husband because its something she loves doing but doesn't want you to be ashamed of her she might know how you and your husband feel about it (if you don't like it or think its demoralizing) and there may be some core problems but I have to agree with tick sit her down and speak with her first and then you and her should both sit down and speak with your husband about it. That way you can both talk to him because she may need your help if you agree with her and know your husband won't. But above all remember she is an adult and lives on her own and pays her own bills if you do feel the need to cut her off you don't have to change the way you treat her.

Before you panic, get facts from the horses mouth, and ask her how her restaurant job is going, and if she lies, tell her that her boss hasn't seen her in 5 months. Cover your butt by calling her old job, and asking to talk to her.

When you have facts, then you can figure out what to do about it, but lying is one thing, getting in her business is altogether different.