Hi this is trep trip and I have found out that I am in love with this girl but how do I tell her? She has a boyfriend but every time she tells me about him she says that he is very jealous and needy. He has health problems with his heart which is sad because I think he uses that to his advantage to keep her around. She also says that he keeps reminding her of what a bad life he has and I am pretty sure that it's making her feel bad. One example is that his grandfather died on her birthday so she cannot be happy on her FRICKEN BIRTHDAY. I think that this situation is so terrible that it's bad enough for her to think she is in love with him. I love this girl and we have always gotten along and she always makes me laugh and I make her laugh. I always am a gentleman and curtious to her and she is the same but because we went to different highschools she has a very hectic school schedule. I don't really talk to her as much because she has too much work and junk like that but every time we do talk I listen attentively and give her advice. She means the whole world to me and even if I cannot have her at least I want her to be happy even if I don't get what I want or need. All I'm asking is when and/or how is the right time to tell this girl that I love her and will be her best friend and lover? To be the person to stand up and encourage her when no one will. To walk beside her when all of her friends and family are no where to be seen.That compared to every single woman (sorry if this offends someone but I love her) out there she will be the one I will always pick, cherish, and love with my heart. How do I do this please respond.

Trep,

Right now she has a boyfriend so she is off limits. If you tell her you love her you risk losing her as a friend. Just be there for her when she needs someone to talk to.

Ugh not the answer I'm looking for but thank you for the aadvice I might use that as one of my final decisions

I realize it's not what you wanted to hear. But if you tell her that you love her, you risk losing a good friendship.

Hai , why don't you talk to her a lot and really understand the state of her relationship . You say you don't talk to her much because of the hectic schedule . First understand what she feels about her relationship then decide . If it is really as bad as u say she would quit someday and then you can convince her of your love otherwise you would have gained a good friend .

Trep, I know you have read other threads on this subject because you responded to them. So I know that my agreeing with J_9's advice will not come as a shock.

It sounds like you are building up a fantasy of this girl in your mind. You appear to think of her as some damsel in distress who needs to be rescued from the situation she is in. She isn't. She has the ability to end her relationship and move on just as you have the ability to not try to steal someone else's girlfriend.

I think you are reading more into her friendship than is there. Honestly, it sounds like she is venting and getting her thoughts off her chest. It doesn't sound as though she wants them 'fixed' by you or anyone else.

Remember that you are only getting one side of the story and probably not the full side-only bits and pieces.

As has been said to many people in your situation, if she would leave him for you, then there will always be a part of you wondering when she will leave you for the next person. I am fairly certain there are and will be other males willing to 'help' her through the bad times you and she would have. Just like you are wanting to 'help' her through the ones you perceive she is having with him. Even if she did leave him today, she would need time to heal and let the emotional dust settle to keep it from choking her next relationship.

If you can't handle just being a friend, let her go and allow yourself to let go of the fantasy relationship. If you stop focusing only on this female, you may find there is someone better suited for you who you have been overlooking. She might even be available.

There are ways to let someone know you love them without saying I love you. You may be doing it without realizing it. A sweet gesture, a compliment on a dress or her hair, a card on her birthday (don't ever spend much money or you scare people away). Singing 'Just call out my name, and girl wherever I am... ' in a joking way. Heck, dress as the Rock of Gibralter on Halloween. Or a Knight in Shining Armor.
What worries me though is your remark about being sorry if you offend someone for loving her only. Who cares about that? It has indications to me that there might be something terribly one sided about all this, that you are putting yourself of some pedestal of pure love. Beware of the trap of thinking that your devotion to her only means you are entitled to reciprocation.

Okay I can appreciate the fact that you have a strong attraction to this female you have befriended, but the fact is, she is unavailable simply because she is in a relationship, and you must respect that. Doesn't matter what she says about him to you, or how you feel about it, the fact remains they are together. That means despite your strong feelings you keep your mouth shut about your feelings and if you cannot, you leave her alone until you can accept she is unavailable, and deal with reality, and not the fantasy world your feelings are painting for you.

Its all a part of growing, and learning how to deal with your own feelings, and making decisions for yourself, based on facts, and good behavior. Sorry guy, I have been there many times before, and its best to not waste your time on a lost cause, and keep doing your own thing without her. Then you won't fall into a trap of thinking every friendly word, or gesture is a sign she feels the same as you do, and wants what you want. Then you won't miss your other options and opportunities that are right in front of you but you can't see, or take advantage of them because your mind is distracted by your feelings.

Now go enjoy being young and having a great time in the real world and leave those fantasies where they belong, and you won't have to pay the consequences of following your heart, into some bad situations.

Just give this some rational thought before you act.

Answer to this question in your post:
All I'm asking is when and/or how is the right time to tell this girl that I love her and will be her best friend and lover? To be the person to stand up and encourage her when no one will.

When/how is pretty simple answer, its when she is no longer involved with another man. You may be deeply in love with this woman, but you need to respect her CHOICE. Now do you really think she has no idea that you have more then just feelings of friendship for her. Please, I guarantee she does, however she has chosen not to acknowledge them, but has chosen to just allow this to be a friendship.
You have turned this into an obsession. You need to stop living your life for any little crumb of affection from her. Go out and find a woman who can and will choose to RETURN your affections. Your happiness does not revolve around her. The only person that makes her world complete rather you like it or not is her BOYFRIEND.

Argh why do you people have to be right. I guess I can try to just be friends and I hope its not a fantsy or I think I'm going crazy. Thank you guys for your support hopefully I can get over her. I'm young right I can find someone else

But do you think it's fair for that boyfriend to use his stupid life to keep her with him?

Your obsessing again. What she and her boyfriend do, or how they treat each other has NOTHING to do with you! You wouldn't appreciate some guy getting into your business. Remember she must no really mind it all that much either, she still LOVES him and wants to be with HIM!
Go out and find a woman who will appreciate you and what you have to offer.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by treptrip

But do you think it's fair for that bf to use his stupid life to keep her with him?

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That would be her choice, not yours.

... I guess your right... (sigh) so where do I go, what's the next chapter in my life, what do I do now? I guess these are the questions of life right.

Life is whatever you make it, explore your freedom, it may not last long, LOL!

Talaniman Rule-When you stop looking for love, and do your thing, and enjoy ALL YOUR OPTIONS, AND OPPORTUNITIES, love will find you.

Talaniman Rule-Build a life that you enjoy without a mate and your happiness will attract people who will want to share in it with you.

That is not something to laugh about just to let you know

Not laughing at you at all. Just remembering all the frogs I kissed before one of them turned into a princess. Caught me by complete surprise.

I wasent mentioning me

What did you mean, you lost me.

Nothing I guess I'm obsessing again I just can't get her out of my head