I treated her like she was unimportant, an attempt to guide her to self reliance, and it backfired. She still tells me that she loves me, but she's always hanging out with all the guy friends that I always suspected had a thing for her that she would never tell me about. She still tells me she loves me! WTH! I feel guilty for not being the boyfriend she deserved, and I'm eating away inside with anger, guilt, rage, and depression... I'm so miserable. I want the chance to make things right, but she keeps telling me 'i don't want to date anyone right now'.

I think you learned that you can't manipulate or treat people like their unimportant even with good intentions so now you lose and get to lick your wounds and leave her alone.

At least get the break up part right, since you screwed up the relationship part. It is what it is, and surely you can't be surprised. Now deal with your anger, guilt, and rage in a mature way, and leave her alone.

Just curious, but what exactly did you mean by trying to guide her to self-reliance? I can guess at what you mean, but I was interested in hearing more about that.

Secondly, I agree with Tal: you have to deal with your emotions in a mature way. Learn from this experience and turn your anger and rage into motivation to growth as a person.

I think you should just try to be her friend, then slowly show her how important she is to you.

The 'guide to self-reliance' was just something I was trying to help her with. She's a soft person... Long history of abuse in the family, and I made the mistake of thinking I could assist with making her capable of standing on her own. She can.

That's what I've been working on for the past month. It isn't going as well as I would have hoped since I'm stupid. I'm doing all the kid moves of being jealous and vindictive... I'm failing.

I'm trying. It's hard when she's getting jealous over every female that I'm friends with, even though we're separated, and on top of that tells me that she loves me. And still enjoys having sex with me. I don't get it.

It sounds like you did a great job in guiding her to self-reliance! This reminds me of the musical, My Fair Lady with 'enry 'iggins teaching Eliza Doolittle how to speak properly and be self-reliant. Eliza eventually rejects 'enry who goes home and stubbornly predicts that Eliza will be ruined without him and will come crawling back. She doesn't return, and 'enry spins his wheels playing old phonograph recordings of her voice lessons.

If she loves you, she wouldn't be hanging out with every Tom, D ick, and Harry. Cut yourself loose. Be the boyfriend for someone who deserves you. (She doesn't.)

It's OK to be jealous to an extent, but just remember I have been in your shoes. I thought I was going to die on t he inside when my relationship ended, but now I look back and it wasn't all my fault even though at the time I felt it was!

Quote:

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She's a soft person... Long history of abuse in the family, and I made the mistake of thinking I could assist with making her capable of standing on her own.

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Ah, you're a rescuer!

Be aware of this in future relationships. Don't date and love a girl, hoping to make her life better somehow.

True.

It has been duly noted.. just hate that it had to end that way for the lesson.

The past week has been extremely difficult, believe me on that. But I'm sure that time will ease the burden. All things seem less important as time passes. Thanks for the feedback.

No problem I wish you luck, just don't ever think you are stupid! :)