I don't know how to react to her, because when she does this she is also throwing cry fits. Do I leave her in crib until she stops, slap her hand when she pulls on my hair, put her in time out? Ignoring her behavior seems to make it worse. What do I do?
She gets into these crying fits were she is unconsolable. Right now I'm weening her off the bottle, but she just has these violent reactions in her fits where she pulls my hair, hits me or when she's eating throws her food. I don't how to disipline when she is in these states, because nothing can get through to her. It also makes my husband very upset, which adds to the stress level.

A few ideas:

Keep in mind that toddlers can understand more than they can verbalize. They do often become frustrated and fall apart when things don't go their way and they don't have the words to express their displeasure. However, this does not mean the behavoiur is acceptable... only that it can be normal.

*try to head it off before it gets to the boiling point... watch for when she is tired, keep a routine as much as possible, etc.
*ignore when you can
*remove her from the situation when possible for a brief time out if need be
*take her food away from in front of her if she starts to throw it
*put her in a safe place for time out if she strikes you
*briefly explain the expectation: "I know you want such and such and are angry, but no hitting, that hurts. When you can stop hitting, we will play again" Will she understand fully? No, but she will get the gist of it and she will begin to understand as you continue with it.
*consistency is key... it will be tiresome, you will want to give in to keep the peace, but stay the course. She will come to understand that when she does A, B will be the result. No yelling, no slapping, simple matter of fact, this is what the consequence is.
*keep the time outs short, praise when she calms down (even slightly)
Sometimes they become so overwrought that they need that time to regroup.

There are other ways of working through this, what works for one child, may not work as well for another, and no doubt others will offer suggestions as well. Try something for a time and see how it goes. It does get easier!

I agree with DoulaLC. I have a 3 yr old and an 18-month old. Every kid goes through this stage. They're vocabulary is limited and since they can't say what they want - or don't want - they get frustrated and act out. I've learned that asking my child what they want and telling them to use their words or show me what they want certainly helps. Maybe they can't say the word 'juice' but they can certainly take you by the hand to the fridge and point to it. If my son throws his food, I remove the food calmly. Don't allow their tantrum to become your undoing by getting upset yourself. Just be calm. If he hits me or his sister, I take his hands and get to his eye level and tell him that hands are not for hitting. I also used 'time out' on my daughter at 18-months, but just put her in the crib for 1-2 minutes. I told her clearly what she did wrong and why she was going to time out and then when she came out, she had to say 'sorry' to me (or whomever she hit, etc).

I learned a lot by going through this with my daughter first. Just be patient as this will pass as your child is better able to express her needs/wants.

Good luck!

I have the same problem my 18 month old has violent tantums he throws himself on the ground hits his head on things in the prosses he will wake up some nights and throw them and can't get him to stop, also when he was younger he use to wake up happy but he doesn't do that any more I can't even change his dipars most of the time because he fights me so I have to try to hoild him down to change it then after wards he finishes throwing his fit
If I give him food some times he throws a fit and I don't know what to do I am so stresed it sucks

This is an old thread but someone else opened it and brought it to my attention.

I was told to ignore tantrums - UNLESS the child is in danger of hurting himself/herself. If so, move the child to a safe place and let the tantrum continue.