Ask Me Help Desk - I still love my ex, how can I get him back?

We were together for almost 2 years and we're both 17. We broke up 9 days ago and it was my fault. A day after, I asked him to give me another chance. He told me he'll think about it and I insisted until he got mad. The next day, I called him and asked him again for a chance, and he told me I'll get my chance If I'll wait until Friday( that was 4 days away)Probably he wanted to see if I changed or if I remained the same unpatient and clingy person. I didn't understand that it was the best offer I'll get and I insisted again the next day, and the next day, and the next one, causing him to tell me that I have no chance left but to let him calm down. He told me the following words: I'm still upset, so stop bothering me. I don't want to be with you right now, in this moment I don't love you. Leave me alone and I'll contact you when I'll calm down, but find something to do( or someone, I'm not sure that I heard well), because it'll last long. I know him pretty well and I know he's being honest. Though, maybe he is upset and he'll change his mind eventually. I left him alone and tried to talk to him again after 2 days. I was as calm and optimistic as I could, but he kept repeating that he doesen't love me and he doesen't think that he'll love me again. The question is: I truly agree with the break-up, he had some reasons and maybe it's better whether we make up again or not. Though, I found the power to be better that I was before. I want to know what should I do to make up for my mistake of pestering him. Do I have any chances left? He told me that the fact that I insisted made him even more determined to end it up. This is the way he is. What should I do to repair my mistakes?

You are desperate. You need to stop begging him to take you back.

I honestly think that you need to leave him along FOR GOOD.

It is over, I honestly do not think there was true love here anyway.

Does he take any responsibility in the relationship at all, does not sound like it.

Why are you to blame for everything? Why was it your fault you broke up? Why did you guys break up?

I think this is good for you because does not sound like he had much feeling for you anyway?

Maybe it is a way for him to have the easy way out and make you look like the bad guy anyway.

Take note, time to leave him a lone. No more contact at all.

You can't repair mistakes unless both parties are willing to work on it. If he told you he doesn't love you what is there to fix. It is my experience that ex's do not make the best friend so leave it be. You are making yourself crazy and for what. Let him have his space and leave him alone. You are young and can focus on other things. Eventually you will find a guy that does love you but you can't if you are looking backwards

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

You are desperate. You need to stop begging him to take you back.

I honestly think that you need to leave him along FOR GOOD.

It is over, I honestly do not think there was true love here anyway.

Does he take any responsibility in the relationship at all, does not sound like it.

Why are you to blame for everything? Why was it your fault you broke up? Why did you guys break up?

I think this is good for you because does not sound like he had much feeling for you anyway?

Maybe it is a way for him to have the easy way out and make you look like the bad guy anyway.

Take note, time to leave him a lone. No more contact at all.

It was my fault because I was always unsatisfied about the relationship, about the time we spent together, about his beliefs etc. But now I realise that I exaggerated everything. He was kind of a workaholic and was obsessed with getting money, so he was always working and we barely had time to see each other. But he always made efforts to make me happy. He used to work at night to have some time to meet me. Also, he was very responsible and mature. He always took care of me. And I never appreciated these things.

It was not all your fault. Money was more important to him.

Sorry you can rationalize all of this and try to put all the blame on you but your truly blind with so called infatuated love.

It is not true love. It is over and you need to rely on yourself. You need to take care of yourself and not rely on anybody for that.

You need to learn independence and you need to be free. You need to learn from this experience and realize that relationship takes two people committed together to work things together.

You still did not answer my original questions but that is okay. You need to figure this out on your on. Sounds like you want to do it the hard way.

Joe

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesushelper76

It was not all your fault. Money was more important to him.

Sorry you can rationalize all of this and try to put all the blame on you but your truly blind with so called infatuated love.

It is not true love. It is over and you need to rely on yourself. You need to take care of yourself and not rely on anybody for that.

You need to learn independence and you need to be free. You need to learn from this experience and realize that relationship takes two people committed together to work things together.

You still did not answer my original questions but that is okay. You need to figure this out on your on. Sounds like you want to do it the hard way.

Joe

Yes, you're right...
Well, he told me he wanted to do this a long time ago, but he had, mercy''. His reasons were: that we were always arguing, that we had different beliefs, that we weren't compatible( I am sensitive and a little bit depressive and pessimistic, and he is independent, ambitious, energetic, optimistic, religious)
I always felt dependent and weak in this relationship. He was the one who set the limits: the time spent together, the things we did etc. That's why I was always complaining. He was always working to get money, then he was using the money to buy more stuff to work with( tools especially) He was mostly making bows, arrows and quivers, but he was doing other stuff too( catalogues on computer for example) Plus, when he had some free time, he used to spend it with his friends, practicing his hobbies. I was all clingy and stuff: I was always calling him to say I miss him, I was always disposable, I always had time. And I was always complaining about everything. I admit it. The truth is that I always wished to spend more time with him. Sometimes I wished he'd buy me a flower instead of ordering a new knife or other stuff on Internet. I was always there for him, I always thought about him. He was my first love.
I did a stupid thing a day before the break up. I went to a rock club with some of my friends, without thinking of inviting him or at least announcing him. I didn't answer my phone the entire day. I thought he'll never get angry and I'll feel more independent after this experience. Late at night, after I left that place, I called him and told him what I did. Honestly. No excuse.
The next day we met. He was very angry. He gave me a long letter he wrote that night, explaining all he felt. It was awful reading it. Then, he forced me to choose: to remain with him or to continue my life that way. I choosed him. But, later that night he sent me a message. After a long talk with his parents, he decided to break up with me.
You know the rest...

You said it all, he is your first love. My first was my first everything. When we broke up my life was over. Yep my world collapsed. Then I snapped out of it and realized boys were liking me and I was free to pick. I got over him and was happy not to settle so young. Don't be crazy. He said he didn't love you so don't chase him like a nut case. Let it be. You will get over him I promise. I can assure you we all have our first love stories that we could share. In 20 years you will be sharing this one. Focus on moving on and enjoy time with your friends while you still can. When life grabs hold of you those friends will slowly be less and less available. Don't stress over this guy telling you he doesn't want to be with you. That's what he wants so be it. Why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you? Get out there and have fun. You will meet another cutie and be happy again.

You practically ran the guy of being desperate and impatient, so leave him alone why don't you, before he hates your pesky guts. Head strong, impulsive and selfish are not attractive, they are very annoying.

Hope you learned something from this experience. If not, oh well, good luck!

This is just another of lifes lesson that we learn that hard way. Playing the game " I am going to break up in the hopes of getting him to pay more attention to me, " NEVER works in the long run. It sounds like he wanted a girlfriend, that was a independent person in her own right. Not someone who needed soooo much re-assurance. Ever thought you made this into a job, were he was working for a very demanding,never satified boss, then having a relationship with a girlfriend.