Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years, and have always had an active sex life, very active. We've used toys, tried outfits and we are very open with each other about masturbation. I'm open to try anything and he knows it. He recently got really sick and was taking anti-biotics, and he said he just didn't feel good and to wait until he was off the medicine. Now he's off it all and he shows no interest in me at all. He won't kiss me unless I ask. And if he puts his arm around me at all its only for a second then he will be on the other side of the room. We recently moved in together, and the sex is the only problem we've been having. It makes me feel like there's something wrong with me, I've recently lost 10 pounds and we were having sex even more and now its nothing. He won't even let me go down on him at all, even when that's all I want to do. And even if I try to cuddle with him at night he pushes me away and gets upset and uncomfortable. I don't know if this is just a phase or if it really is me. I feel so unattractive it's hard to even get ready in the morning and I always just feel so dumb when I try to touch him, and even worse when I just flat out have to ask him because the answer is always no. I'm not sure what I should do.

What was he sick with?

How do you know if he's still not sick?

Have you asked him point blank why he is acting this way with you?

As a couple who has been together for 2 years and now living together, should be able to sit down and talk with one another.

There needs to be more communication here.

It was something like mono. The doctors couldn't figure it out.

Because he's acting normal now, eating normal talking normal.

I've tried he just says he flat out said he doesn't want to and that's that.

Well take another approach. You can either try to ask him if he wants to go to counseling which I doubt he will want to, unless you tell him you're unhappy with him and you want to fix things or you're leaving. Or you can try to do what he is doing by not talking to him. If he has any interest in caring about you he will ask you what is wrong. If not there there might not be any hope for you 2. But you may try doing the things he is doing and see if he notices a difference in your actions. I don't know all the details on this there is one other idea that comes to mind which I don't want to throw out there but since we are in the real world I think you should possibly know that it is a real idea.

The meds he was on might not had been just for him being sick. He might have cheated on you and got an STD. Has he had sex with you even once since he hasn't been sick? That's just something you might need to keep your eyes open for. I know my ex girlfriend use to push me away when she had somebody else behind the curtains. You actually said a lot of the same things she was doing with me when she was cheating on me. For your sake I hope it just has to do with his sickness and it's all him and nobody else is involved. Good Luck. Let us know where things are going if you don't mind. I like hearing feedback on what people do.

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Originally Posted by confusedGF00

It was something like mono. The doctors couldn't figure it out.

Because he's acting normal now, eating normal talking normal.

I've tried he just says he flat out said he doesn't want to and that's that.

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An illness like that could well leave his energy levels low for a long time. He may just not have the oomph enough for sex but may not understand himself why he feels this way. Try talking with him about how he feels. It is probably nothing to do with the way he feels about you. If you are worrying that it is, this is probably coming across when you approach him and he may feel under pressure. People can also feel a bit low mentally after an illness. Though he appears to be functioning OK he might not really feel as he should.

How recent was his illness? He may seem fine by outward appearances, but may still be affected by the disease and medications. I know the side-effects of Mono can last for weeks or even months after the person is 'cured' and if this illness is related, he may not be back to 'normal', yet.

Do you show him affection when you aren't trying to get things to go farther? Is he expecting you to want more if he does respond to the cuddling? Could he be feeling like all you want is sexual contact? Could he be scared?

You really do need to talk with him about what is going on. Listen to what he is saying and see if together you can come up with a compromise. It may be starting with just holding hands while watching TV. In a way building back up to sexual activity.