I have been with andrew for 3 yrs married for 8 ths.I have been seeing tony for 1 year.I met tony when andrew and I was on a break , once andrew and I got back together I never ended it with tony.so in march I married andrew and I was still dating tony .I thought that eventually I would be able to get over tony and just end it with tont . But that is easier said than done. So now I'm living with andrew and I still talk to tony everyday( he thinks I moved to another state with a job promotion). To make a long story short I love them both but I don't know who I want to be with. I love andrew and don't want to hurt him but I need him for security. But I am deeply in love with tony and I can see myself with him 4ver but I don't know who to choose please help!

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Originally Posted by missdee863

I have been with andrew for 3 yrs married for 8 ths.i have been seeing tony for 1 year.i met tony when andrew and i was on a break , once andrew and i got back together i never ended it with tony.so in march i married andrew and i was still dating tony .i thought that eventually i would be able to get over tony and just end it with tont . But that is easier said than done. So now i'm living with andrew and i still talk to tony everyday( he thinks i moved to another state with a job promotion). To make a long story short i love them both but i dont know who i want to be with. I love andrew and dont want to hurt him but i need him for security. But i am deeply in love with tony and i can see myself with him 4ver but i dont know who to choose please help!

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Wow... You really are expecting people to tell you "who to choose..."

1. You are married.
2. You were already having an affair when you married Andrew.
3. You told your lover you moved to another state for your job and your husband thinks he's happily married for 8 months.

8 months... You my friend, are a liar. Who should you choose? My answer to your question is : none of them because you don't deserve to be loved by anyone as long as you tell them such big lies.

You based your marriage and your affair on a big fat lie. It takes courage to be able to sleep at night. Here's something that can help, be honest to people. You made your choice by getting married, so getting rid of your lover would be nice to your husband. Wedding vows actually mean something to some people. If you feel like you can't fulfill them, stop being unfair to him. He doesn't deserve that, neither does your lover. In fact, no one deserves that.

Or, you can tell your husband and your lover what's going on and see who will choose you. Good luck.

Be honest with them both, and let them chose for you.

Do yourself a favour and come clean... fess up... have some dignity.

Sure it will be hard, yes, you may end up without either of them (and couldn't blame them), but the only way you will get your life back on track is to end this charade and path of deceit.

Then, when you find yourself alone, take the time to discover what you really want and need.

Make it a point to treat those you claim to love with respect and honesty.

Be completely honest with both of them. You owe them that much, especially your husband.

Chances are you may lose them both, that is the price you pay for deception but I think you may feel much better about yourself

All answers were very helpful.I wasn't looking for anyone to tell me who to choose but more so insight on what would be the best thing to do.After reading your answers and sitting down and actually thinking about my situation you guys are absolutely right. Deep down inside I've known what needed to be done but that was something I just didn't want to do. Yes ,I do know that I'm being unfair to both men by not telling the truth.It's just that I love them both Keeping this secret has been a lot of stress on me, Keeping up with the lies and laying away all night in bed at night.But the truth will set me free, and I know once I take this step I will feel a lot betta inside.

Doing the right thing is often hard but you feel so much better.
I wish you well.