Ask Me Help Desk - I need help please.

O.K. here's my messed up story, any help is appreciated. I met this girl 2 months ago. When I first met her it was love at first sight. I knew I had no chance with her. Well I was wrong. We went out once on a day date it was nice we just drove around in my car and got to know each other. I told her the next day that I would not chase after her she pretty much begged me to keep chasing after her saying that she liked me and my company and wanted to get to know me better. I fell for it. Over the next month she stood me up 3 times treated me like a p.o.s. and even set me up once. I was supposed to meet her somewhere and when I sent her a text her boyfriend called me from her phone (I didn't know she had a bf) That's when I told her to leave me alone she said it was her friend playing a joke on me. I ended up believing her. She was off and on and hot and cold for a month I still developed feelings for her somehow probably cause of how nice the on and hot was. Now a month later after I met her she decided to spend a lot of time with me it started on 9/7 we hungout that night and had a great time I had a chance to kiss her and didn't cause I didn't trust her yet. For the next 8 days she was either seeing me at my job, texting me, or we were hanging out. This gave me a chance to get attached and I did. I really thought I was safe letting my feelings for her known. She even called me at 5 a.m. leaving me a voice mail saying she woke up thinking about me. I was supposed to pick her up from school and when I went there I waited 45 min. she was not there I texted her and she said she, fell asleep in class and was already home?? I got pissed and told her that was inconsiderate, I read her fb post and she posted " finally done with class waiting for dirtyyy to pick me up." That wasn't me. We were not a couple yet I even never kissed her I wasn't pissed that she got in a car with another guy but I was pissed at the inconsideration for her to not event text me and say she didn't need a ride. I told her to stay out of my life and 4 days later I ended up apologizing for overreacting lol. I was love sick. We made up but then ended up fighting the next day. She got her period and thought she could talk to me any type of way with no respect and insult me for no reason. We made up again but it was never the same she got more distant and I still had feelings for her. Now she won't talk to me at all like I meant nothing to her. There are a few details to be said 1. she's an ex heroin user 2. she did have a boyfriend 3. I did buy her cigarettes but I don't think she did all this for cigarettes 4. I never kissed her 5.I'm 32 and she's 21. 6. over the 2 months that I known her I spent $200 on her so she wasn't after my money. 7 We never went on a real date. There are many more details surrounding this some really mean things she said to me and some extremely nice things she did.I feel like I either A. had my feeling played with or B. Got used for something. I'm just confused. I can't stop thinking about her and still have feelings for her. I feel worse knowing that I meant nothing to her and she meant something to me. Any advice??

Hard and simple fact. You got played. Girls ranging from 18-25 are really bad about playing with guys emotions. Best thing to do is forget about her. You won't change her mind and even if you did would you want to take the risk of her doing the same with you. Playing the stupid game she has been for the past 2 months. You're 32... you need to be the one playing the games with her. Next time a girl comes around like that. You don't need to spend any money on them. If they want to be with you then they will be with you. No games no strings. They will be with you and won't have anybody but you on their mind.

Find a older girl I'd say one about 26 or older. Once girls hit about 26 they settle down and figure out where their life is going and they don't tend to play as many games. As for this girl. There is nothing you can do to make her talk to you. That is her shady way of saying I don't have to break up with you because you meant nothing to me. It's childish and immature but it happens everyday. I garuntee this girl had at least 2 other guys just like you wrapped around her finger at the same time she was talking to you. Girls that age are just looking for attention. I say let them get it from somebody else. I don't want to ruin your perspective on girls that age though. There could be a good girl around that age who just wants to settle down early but it's less common than it is with a girl who is older.

I think you shouldn't put too much hopes on her... dont you realised that you are the only one participate in this feeling you called 'love'?huhuhu... u better ask her for confirmation regarding her feelings towards u... hurry up.. if the answer is NO.. then you should ignore your feelings..

Comment on koolaide's post

Thanks koolaide I know you're right and you speak sense but I did have younger gf's before that were decent I just got duped by this 1 who wasn't even my girlfriend. I did start playing the game with her but she's a pro and turned it on me. Lol

Comment on hieyra's post

I asked her a lot of time while she was talking to me and she avoided the question she would just say that she likes me.

Don't ever allow a girl to be so mean and take advantage of you. She sounds like someone who plays around with people's feelings for the fun of it. You don't need that heartache. Count yourself lucky that you got out when you did. You may like her but it has to be the thought of liking her -not her- because she sounds downright self absorbed. Someone who is that selfish cannot ever participate in a healthy give and take relationship. She will go onto the next relationship and suck the life out of him. You can't turn back time so be glad this relationship was brief. Let it go! Move on- find activities where you can meet quality girls that are ready for a relationship- also consider meeting girls closer to your age so that you raise your chances of finding someone who you have a lot in common and ready for a relationship. Don't beat yourself up. We all date people and find out later that they are not what we think they are. Whatever you do don't take her back. People don't change at least not quickly.

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I met this girl 2 months ago

That alone should have made you cautious.

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I told her the next day that I would not chase after her she pretty much begged me to keep chasing after her saying that she liked me and my company and wanted to get to know me better. I fell for it. Over the next month she stood me up 3 times

What else could she say after a remark like that? Come on guy, you practically told her you needed a lot of attention, and liked being led around.

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I ended up believing her. She was off and on and hot and cold for a month I still developed feelings for her somehow probably cause of how nice the on and hot was. Now a month later after I met her she decided to spend a lot of time with me it started on 9/7 we hangout that night and had a great time I had a chance to kiss her and didn't cause I didn't trust her yet. For the next 8 days she was either seeing me at my job, texting me, or we were hanging out. This gave me a chance to get attached and I did. I really thought I was safe letting my feelings for her known. She even called me at 5 a.m. leaving me a voice mail saying she woke up thinking about me

Like I said before, you got what you asked for. Should have seen that coming since you asked for it.

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There are a few details to be said 1. she's an ex heroin user

With some ex heroin user ways.

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2. she did have a boyfriend

Really, but you kept your nose open and available, and hopeful no doubt. She could be a cheater you think?

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3. I did buy her cigarettes but I don't think she did all this for cigarettes

That and some time to hang out and relieve the boredom.

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4. I never kissed her

PSSSFFFT!?

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5.I'm 32 and she's 21.

So what?

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6. over the 2 months that I known her I spent $200 on her so she wasn't after my money.

But you were boredom relief.

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7 We never went on a real date.

Why??

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There are many more details surrounding this some really mean things she said to me and some extremely nice things she did.I feel like I either A. had my feeling played .

No you made a choice and did what you did.

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Got used for something. I'm just confused. I can't stop thinking about her and still have feelings for her. I feel worse knowing that I meant nothing to her and she meant something to me. Any advice??

She gave you attention, and time, and took friendly hanging out, and cigarettes. What would you expect from a stranger who was a junkie, with a boyfriend, and you feel bad for what reason?? Geez guy, never kissed, never had a real date, but you expect her to just fall in your lap for free?

You lost nothing, you invested nothing, and you got nothing in return, and NOTHING happened. Sounds like an even trade off to me, since you are the one who had the choice to quit when you had the facts in front of your face, so don't blame her for YOUR feelings. Or YOUR actions.

Talaniman Rule- never be in a hurry to give your heart to a stranger. Wait until they have proven they deserve it, and know what to do with it.

Talaniman Rule- Doesn't matter how intense the feelings, or how much fun you have, never give your heart to someone you don't know well, and that’s only after the lust has worn off for you both.

Talaniman Rule - Date them all, short, fat, skinny, or tall. 18- 80, blind, cripple or crazy.

Talaniman Rule-Love yourself enough to never allow any one to treat you badly. If they do, LEAVE.

Talaniman Rule-Never wallow in your own sh1t!

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a stranger’s basket. Save some for your own basket.

Talaniman Rule-if they don't like you, forget 'em.

Talaniman Rule- Give yourself 6 months of dating and getting to know someone, before you decide together to be DATING EXCLUSIVELY, and having fun getting to know each other.

Rocky:
Since she avided your questions... her answer should be 'NO'... then, like talaniman said, "Life throws tons of obstacles at couples, if you two are built for greatness, you conquer them together. If you two aren't meant for greatness together, you conquer them apart."

Comment on talaniman's post

A little harsh but extremely helpful unfortunately almost everything you said was true and helpful. Thank you

Comment on dhuber's post
I gaurded myself for 10 years cxuse I got hurt before I wouldn't let my best friend do half the stuff she did. I know in the long run I'm better than her and better off without her. Thank you

Maybe the plus in all of this, is that she has stopped all contact with you. Perhaps she is stronger and more focused than you realize, as she did, after all, realize that she did not want a relationship with you. I think that had she been a user as others have suggested, she could easily have played you until the cows came home. You were far more into her, than she was into you. That doesn't make either of you a bad person, it was just not a relationship that was going to work out.

She does sound young to me, but she is only 21 after all, and in 11 years, when she has reached your age of 31, she will likely be far more mature, and grown up.

Consider that all the differences, confusion, and incompatibility, has likely to do more with her age, than her lack of character. I don't know what you were like at that age, but I know that I had little in common with people not in my age group, or peer group.

Time to move on.