Ask Me Help Desk - Husband father of two chidren

My husband just recently found out the he father two children with an ex-employee of his. A dna has been done and has determined that he is the father of a 12 and 10 year old. She is seeking child support which he knows that he must pay, however, he has no emotional ties to these children and feels wants nothing to do with the children. The children live in Portland Oregon with their mother and she is requesting support, medical and for the children to have access to my husband via phone at all times. I know he has to pay support and even medical coverage because he has no other choice. I want him to relinguish his legal right to these children if he wants our marriage to continue, can he legally do this?

What do we need to do to move forward for him to relinguish his rights? Can we do this now as he is paying the suppport?

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on someone else's. This can lead to confusion. You should start a new thread. So I've moved your question to its own thread. If you read the thread you piggybacked on, you would have known to browse around first.

What do you think relinquishing his rights will gain you? Even in the unlikely event that a court will grant him a TPR it won't get him out of paying support. The mother can request and will probably get support and coverage under his insurance. But she cannot force him to be a part of the children's lives. A court is not likely to grant her request for phone access.

So trying to get a TPR would just be a waste of time.

What he can do is agree to have the mother have full physical and legal custody. But he can't relinquish his rights unless there is another to take his place.

Is the support court ordered? Also just curious but how far back did they go with child support (arrears)?

Even if the child's mother gets visits and phone calls as part of the order he has no requirement to do them.

He does not have to give up any rights, he merely does not have to use any of them. Courts seldom will allow him to give up his rights anyway, it seldom every happens, esp since there is no reason, he is not a threat to children and so on.

***** from a moral side, I think perhaps he may be better off seeing kids and letting you go, how dare you say he has to not have contact with children he just found out about,
First of course it is actually none of your business, it is his kids, and his right to see them if he wants to.
Second, This is contact with the kids, not with his ex.

He is not happy about the fact that these kids are here and that she never gave him the opportunity to have a say so in the matter of her having them since she told him she was protecting herself and on birth control. She knew he was married and even knew me personally and now all she wants is to cause problems in our marriage, which is what she is doing with all the demands she is making. He has no emotional tie's to these kids, he was just a sperm donor that now has to pay child support for kids he never wanted. Yes he has to pay arrears from June 2010 which is when she filed for the support in portland Oregon. Can he legally relinguish his rights as there father even though there is no other man?

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Originally Posted by RoseTirado

he was just a sperm donor that now has to pay child support for kids he never wanted.

He was a VOLUNTARY donor. He gave his sperm of his own free will knowing that pregnancy can occur even with birth control. She didn't hog tie him down and suck the sperm out and implant it in herself.

He is responsible for these children and they have a RIGHT to know where they came from.

We already answered you. No court is going to allow him to relinquish his rights. Nor are they going to terminate his rights.

And lets be realistic here, Maybe she fooled him on one kid, bit TWO? It was HIS choice to drop his pants and now he's paying the price.

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RoseTirado does not find this helpful : Apparently you have never been a wife and which does not want baggage from another women, so you can not relate to how this is affecting me.

Actually, yes I am. That's why I divorced my ex husband.

First, may I call your attention to the guidelines for using the comments feature found here:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/feedba...ure-24951.html

You have inappropriately and unfairly given negative comments to two respected members of this site. When you first use a site like this it pays to browse around and see how the site works and how people use it before you blunder around and use it incorrectly. You made one blunder by piggybacking, another by not reading information that would have answered your question and now a third by using the comments inappropriately.

One of the problems here is that you did not give us some pertinent info. It was unclear whether these children were fathered during your marriage or prior to it. Had we known that, I think it might have changed our responses somewhat.

But I still maintain that there being two children matters here. You stated: "she never gave him the opportunity to have a say so in the matter of her having them since she told him she was protecting herself and on birth control." So why did he believe her after the first child? He's an adult, he should be aware that sexual intercourse can lead to children even if birth control is used.

I do applaud you for standing by him, but the fact remains that he cheated on you for a period of more than 2 years. I have to question how important a marriage is a man when he does that. Also, he must have know about the first child, but he seems to have ignored the possibility that he fathered that child. Sorry but you don't present your husband in a favorable light based on what you have posted. You also seem to have a funny idea what marriage is. It's not philandering, nor is it giving ultimatums. Of course this is just my opinion and you can take it or leave it as you wish.

But that doesn't change the law here. The law will not terminate his rights, the law WILL require that he support his children, at least financially. The law will not require that he maintain contact with those children. So you need to deal with those legal facts. You can't give him an ultimatum to terminate his rights or end your marriage since he has no control over that. You can force him to not have contact, however.