Ask Me Help Desk - How to get him back without being clingy?

How to get him back without being clingy?

I'm sorry for posting so many times but I really do need some adviccce... real fast here is the situation:
I dated a guy for a year, I love him very much, I know he still has feelings for me, but for some reason he doesn't want me back. Well, he says I became too clingy and I mistreated him and that I need to be more independent. I realized all that, and I really want to show him that I'm different. We agreed to be friends (ha ha) and then I told him that I want him to give me another chance, he said not to expect us to just get back together but maybe he would give me a chance in a few weeks. I right now we are not speaking, because he is afraid that we will get hurt in the end if we keep talking so much, so we agreed to give some space. I am willing to give him space, and I want to talk to him in a few weeks/a month. That seems like enough space because we used to talk EVERY day for hours and hours.. even after breaking up. I can't wait much longer than that, and if he has no interest in me then I will do No Contact and move on, but for right now I know how much I love him and I want him back.
HOW CAN I SHOW SOMEBODY HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM AND THAT I WANT TO TREAT THEM RIGHT WITHOUT BEING CLINGY?! It makes NO sense...
When I talk to him in a few weeks, should I just act like a friend, or should I be blunt with him? Should I invite him places? Do I try and hook up with him? I have no idea how to go about this... I just want him back. He always used to say how if I left him and he knew it was wrong, that he would fight so hard to get me back. I want to fight for him, and tgiv ehim the world but that's too clingy. Is there anything I can do? And what should I do when I finally do contact him?
Please give me advice, everyone either just tells me to get over him or to just wait... but I can't wait forever, I need to try eventually so that we can either work it out or move on. If anybody has won an ex back, or even just has advice, please help.
ANY HELP WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED! (you have no idea)

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

i'm sorry for posting so many times but i really do need some adviccce... real fast here is the situation:
i dated a guy for a year, i love him very much, i know he still has feelings for me,

No you don’t. You can only speak for yourself.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

but for some reason he doesn't want me back.

It’s because your clingy, pushy, demanding, and not able to listen.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

well, he says i became too clingy and i mistreated him and that i need to be more independent.

There you go. So you actually said in the sentence prior, “for some reason” as though you were clueless as to why anybody wouldn’t want to be around you , when in fact he was actually, honest, caring, and thoughtful enough to tell you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

i realized all that, and i really want to show him that i'm different.

But your not. He told you what he wanted out of a girl, you hear him but you don’t listen to him. Your now posting the same question 3 times demanding answers, pushing your new platform of change and then actually asking others how you convince someone you did change as opposed to working on yourself and doing it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

we agreed to be friends (ha ha) and then i told him that i want him to give me another chance, he said not to expect us to just get back together but maybe he would give me a chance in a few weeks.

So he’s pretty damn generous. Did you happen to mention that to him. If he talks to you again I would THANK him for his generosity in giving you another chance. Yes being grateful would be a sign of change.

Also a few weeks is not enough to change some one’s belief patterns. It takes months. Sometimes years. You can do some positive work in a few weeks but you must anchor it in your nervous system to become habit.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

i right now we are not speaking, because he is afraid that we will get hurt in the end if we keep talking so much, so we agreed to give some space.

So HE asked for space and you want to PUSH your way right back into his life. Sounds like you haven’t changed at all. This is exactly what HE told YOU he didn’t want. You heard it, but you didn’t listen.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

i am willing to give him space, and i want to talk to him in a few weeks/a month. that seems like enough space because we used to talk EVERY day for hours and hours..

You used to talk for hours and hours when you pushed him around to the point he you drove him nuts because you were always there. So when the initial butterflies wore off you had nothing left to discuss and he saw your pushy side.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

even after breaking up. i can't wait much longer than that,

Why not? You don’t really care? Or you haven’t really changed. I mean you demanding in your approach to show him how you’ve changed, yet when he asks for space, you even demand a time limit then. I’m not saying hold on forever, but give me a break. If you really cared, and you’ve really changed, and you really want to prove it, maybe giving someone more than 4 weeks to recognize those changes might be a start. Maybe a little less focus on yourself and a little more on what honest, caring people are saying to you that they find is a turn off would be an alternative to demanding “you got a month then I’M moving on” as though he isn’t he one that suggested all this to begin with.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

and if he has no interest in me then i will do No Contact and move on, but for right now i know how much i love him and i want him back.

So your going to show him how much you love him by pushing yourself on him, which is exactly what he told you not to do….Hmmm, seems like a recipe for failure. It also shows you haven’t changed a bit.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

HOW CAN I SHOW SOMEBODY HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM AND THAT I WANT TO TREAT THEM RIGHT WITHOUT BEING CLINGY?!?!!?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? YOUR STILL CLINGY!!

STEP 1. If he asks for space you give it to him.
STEP 2. You work on your problems that is quite evident.
STEP 3. You don’t demand that he come back to you by a certain time.
STEP 4. You listen to him when he tells you what his concerns with your behavior are.
STEP 5. You show patience.
STEP 6. You show some gratitude.
STEP 7. You accept his decisions as his, and not try to change them to meet your needs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

it makes NO sense...

Really? Where I’m sitting it makes perfect sense. Maybe you need to be a little more open to what's going on in your life. Maybe you need to take a good look in the mirror and ask where this behavior stems from. Clingy and Pushy not only drive your boyfriends away they drive many people away. It’s something you should work on for you, not for him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

when i talk to him in a few weeks, should i just act like a friend, or should i be blunt with him?

You should act like a friend. That’s all you are now. Nothing more. Perhaps in the future you will be but not now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

should i invite him places?

You could, but only very casually but if you go somewhere just act as friends. Don’t push it, don’t tell him your feelings. Just act like you were out with friends.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

do i try and hook up with him?

NO!

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

i have no idea how to go about this... i just want him back.

Well start by doing what he asks. Give him space. Find out why your clingy. Work on changing that behavior.

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Originally Posted by jujubee8378

he always used to say how if i left him and he knew it was wrong, that he would fight so hard to get me back.

So what?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

i want to fight for him, and tgiv ehim the world but that's too clingy. is there anything i can do?

Do you notice the pattern here? You basically keep asking the same question about what to do to get him back and show your not clingy. Yet it exhibit’s the very behavior you are trying to convince us you no longer have which isn’t fooling us so why would it fool him?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

and what should i do when i finally do contact him?

Let him contact you. He broke up with you, so let him contact you. In the meantime you figure out why you have such deep feelings of loss that make you cling to people.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jujubee8378

please give me advice, everyone either just tells me to get over him or to just wait... but i can't wait forever, i need to try eventually so that we can either work it out or move on. if anybody has won an ex back, or even just has advice, please help.
ANY HELP WILL BE GREATLY APPRECIATED!! (you have no idea)

Well, I’ve got two ex’s back. I did it by not talking to them. I can’t really add anything to what I repeated several times in the post. I see it. Your clingy and if you don’t change your ex isn’t going to stick around. Re-read your original post as though I wrote it, and tell me if you still don’t come off as clingy? Instead on concentrating on him, why not use this time to concentrate on yourself?

You have posted this question several times, which is against the rules of the site.
You are desperate to get an answer you want to hear. You have had your answers and your not satisfied with any of them, why else would you continually ask them.

The personality of being clingy is being showed here by the extreme.

Chuff,

You have answered this question without doubt the best answers. Direct and clear and step by step. If this does not spell it out for this poster. This poster will never learn and will always push people away.

Joe

This poster is not listening. 3 post in 5 days with the same question. Its over now let it go and move on!