My boyfriend and I have been going out for 7 months now. Before we got into the relationship, he said he is having a baby. I was OK with it then. I mean the only reason why I am OK with it now because I am so in love with him I am willing to go through hell and back for this man. There is so much drama though. He had the baby now and I love the baby as my own. Even though I didn't get to see her. There are multiple problems stressing our relationship and I believe the baby is one of them. Here is a couple: I am at school an hour and half away from him, he has a baby by a woman that knows nothing about me, my mother doesn't know he has a baby. We also broke up a couple of times (my doing). I couldn't take all the pressure so one time I broke up with him and he was extremely hurt and angry. We got back together in four days. During those four days he slept with another girl. I found out because I know the girl. She was bestfriends with one of my friends. He didn't tell me what they done but he said he was going too. We broke up after that for a couple days but got back together. I feel that there is so much stress on our relationship. We fight almost everyday. I don't know what to do. I want to marry him. He wants to marry me. I just tired of crying almost everyday. What should I do?

He already has a baby with one girl, you broke up for ONLY four days and he sleep with ANOTHER girl. Wow, I can hardly hold my respect back for this guy.
Are you really wanting to be with this guy. He didn't even let bed get cold before sleep with another girl. You go to school hour and half away, are you sure he isn't cheating behind your back!
Your going to school trying to make something out of yourself, don't settle for less. If your crying all the time then your instincts are telling you this isn't the right guy.

I will say that, though it probably hurts, what he did while you were broken up was not your business. It was his to tell if he chose to. If he lied when asked point blank and said he didn't when he did, it would be a different matter.

This may sound strange, but I think IF you continue to date him, you should reset the Relationship Clock to the last time you got back together. It may make the cycle a bit more clearer to you and maybe give you incentive to stop the merry-go-round.

There is always stress and concern in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR). You have the added stress of him having a new child and a lot of secrets being kept by everyone involved.

I think it is way too soon to think about marriage. He needs to be certain that his life is in order and that he taking care of his child. If he has child support and visitation set and working well, then it will be a strength instead of a drain on your relationship. He also needs to make sure that the mother understands he is dating whether he gives her a name or doesn't. If there are going to be issues, he needs to deal with them.

You need to tell your mother about your boyfriend's baby. Especially if they are around each other at any time. It will get the stress off your mind and if your mother is going to cause problems, you can deal with them instead of dreading them. She may also be able to help you see the big picture.

IF you break up again, do not jump back into the relationship a few days later. Take some time to clear your head and unpack the baggage. DO NOT get back together until you have healed and at very least are working on the issues that caused the break up. It is another part of breaking the cycle.

Do get involved in things that help you feel good about you. Extra-curricular activities and friends can help you let go of some stress and help you be a stronger person and partner.

Examine how you feel and if you trust him enough to continue the relationship. Communicate with him and discuss the issues. Listen as well as talk (good practice if you do end up married). See if you can work together to work on the problems or decide together if the relationship needs to end for good.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Cat1864 again.

The only thing I have to add is, this guy seems to woman hop quite a bit and the business about the baby mother not knowing about you is suspect.
As much as you love him I think you need to really think about what is going on here and ask yourself if this relationship can and should be sustained.

Threads merged for background

So my boyfriend and I have been going out for 9 months now and we have gone through a lot.I accidentally took his phone to my house and usually he looks through my texts just to overlook them, so I thought to do the same thing. I found dirty texts he sent to another girl and was flirting with another one. I was devastated so I called him right away to ask him about it.I asked if he had sex with these girls and he said no. In the texts it seem like he was ready to meetup these girls and have sex with them. He even said he would pick one up from work! But I also kept reading and it seem like the girls he was texting were getting upset.They said he was "faking" on them. Which means he said things he rreally wasn't going to do. So I know that he didn't pick that girl from work. I think he is telling the truth so I am giving him another chance especially since I have sent some dirty texts to one of my exes and flirted with other guys. I never went as far as saying I would have sex with them like he did but I guess it's the same thing. I also have decided to stop doing that all together because I don't want to hurt him. I am wondering if like I should punish him so he will not do it again. I know punishing is not the way to go. The word punish is a harsh word but I can't find another word for it. Like what if I don't have sex with him for awhile or go to a hotel for New Years. Basically, how do I start the forgiving process but also let him know he cannot get away with things like this just because I have deep love for him.

Let it go. You deserve each other, all this stuff behind each other's backs and then snooping.
Maybe I should say it in a nicer way: you are so right for each other, don't lose him.

When a relationship is lowered to point of being no more then a mere game, then the participates should keep in mind while playing that there are must be a winner and a LOSER to every game!!

That's not harsh. It is true. I will only let him go if he cheats.

What if you punishes him, and he goes and gets one of those girls he was sex-ting with, or goes back to his baby mama?

What gives you the right to punish him for doing the same thing you do, only the man version? What if he decides to punish YOU by getting another girlfriend?

Actions have consequences, so think about it before you do it!!

I was going to leave it at that until I read your other post about this relationship, and since you are still together after a lot of drama, I see this latest chapter is just more drama, so that means high schoolers right? Better let me know, or this goes straight to teens where drama is the norm.

Comment on talaniman's post

I said punishment is a harsh word. I want to show him that I am taking him back but I will not tolerate that.I decided I will not talk to him for a couple days. And no I did flirting by asking my ex how our sex affected him. It never got to the point where I was sending naked pictures to a guy asking him if we can have sex. My boyfriend got dirty pictures then told the girl he wanted to have sex with her. I basically did the same thing but not entirely I only asked my ex a mere question but I feel bad about it that is why I wrote it. And he's not like that I know that he is sorry but I want him to know I'm hurt... and lastly yes we have problems you don't know my entire relationship. I am a good girlfriend and he is a great boyfriend.

Please don't insult my relationship by calling us high schoolers. WE Aren't... we are going through rough patches but we making it through

Comment on answerme_tender's post

No one said it's a game. I'm trying to not get him to not do it anymore.. smh

Comment on joypulv's post

Actually that is harsh lls.. man your no help


You know what **** this site because all you *****es didn't help none just insulted me and my relationship.. its OK though I isn't doing this **** nomore real talk.. ALL IN ALL MY BOYFRIEND CAN **** UP A LOT BUT I LOVE HIM AND IMMA DO WHATEVER!! IT MOTHER****N TAKES TO GET A RING ON THIS FINGER... *****es

If you are serious about making it work, there are better ways to show your displeasure over his behavior. Its called talking and listening, so you can work together to set the rules, and boundaries to define the relationship. Forget that though as you don't have the type of partner to do that with. If after 9 months you can't see that, then not only are you very young, but blind to boot.

You will never get to far with this tit for tat bump heads revenge thing you have going on now, you will only get mad at each other, and then get tired of fighting. You are right, punishment is the wrong word, and doing it hasn't changed a darn thing except you take him back.

Isn't that why you came here because your way wasn't working? I doubt it will, doing things the way you are. Sure we were harsh with you. Because you are all attitude, like some spoiled princess trying to force your will. Can't you see that 9 months of this crap, is because of a lack of honest communications? How are you planning to marry a guy who does as he wishes, and knows when you dump him, stop talking for a few days, have a hissy fit and take him back? What is your behavior leading him to think? No matter what he does you will take him back.

Think for a second the whole pattern of the last 9 months, and see what breaking up, and making up has done. Give him an excuse to do as he please, until the next time.

You go right ahead and do whatever it takes to get a ring on your finger because he just won't do it. And if he does you will be his OTHER baby mama, and you will have to break the news to your family about the whole sordid truth of this relationship.

Sure we were harsh, because we already know what you don't. If you haven't tamed him so far, you never will, and you sure can't change him. Try as you may. Bottom line is you are trying to keep a guy who doesn't want to be kept, at least not on YOUR terms. That's why we were harsh to you, because you are trying to make an honest man out of a vagabond who has already dragged the poor spoiled foolish princess down to his level. The next level is barefoot and pregnant, with no ring, and he will have another girl to screw over.

So keep doing it the way you are, and you will get the same results you have gotten, but don't curse us for stating the obvious. And you will need more than a dirty mouth, ill temper, or bad attitude to get that ring on your finger. Trust me on that. And that's the good news.

The bad news is you will waste a lot of time try to keep him, when kicking him to the curb and leaving him alone will be the best way to get a ring from a good man who will want you happy all the time.

I apologize all of that was just anger for him.I know him and I know what is truly in his heart. I do want the relationship to work so I will talk to him again. I was really angry because I did try to talk to him. I think I was so angry that I

Didn't want to comprehend his sorry's. He knows that he can loose me because our relationship is a lot better than use to be.It does still have faults that we need to work through.I agree with everything you said except I'm

Trying to keep a man that doesn't want to be kept. I believe he does, but at the same time we are very young. We are both immature and stubborn that is why we work well.

He's 20 and I;m 18 by the way. I know you know a lot more than I do about relationships. So I'll stop being this little princess and listen to only you though since you seem to give real good input.

I wish I could give you full details of our relationship to show that we both care about each other but I can't. All I can say is that we do care we're just young and dumb.. now I do want to forgive and show him we both need to stop doing this to each other. But I don't know where to start.. Should I say hey let's start over and make it work or what?

Should I tell him I love but this is the final straw. I honestly would not put in this much effort in this relationship if I knew for sure he is going to leave me for another woman. I know I sound dumb and immature from all the other postings but I assure you I do have a good head on my shoulders.

For my relationship we were doing very well after that baby mama drama. She even knows I exist and it took her some time but she got over the fact that she will not be with my boyfriend again.. I know he will not go back to her because he was not sober when he slept with her and did not have a relationship with her beforehand..

This is a lot of drama.. but I do want to get through.I will like to have a family with my boyfriend. But that is until later. I after I finish school. So it will about 6 years. I will have time to figure him out before we marry.

But for right now to make things better. He thinks he has lost me because I told him last night that one day you will appreciate me and left his house in tears he has been trying to call me but I have turn off my phone. Maybe I should turn it on? He is at work now. Should I go to his house and talk to him face to face again after he gets off work?

If so what should say.. he already knows I'm upset.and I feel like it makes me even more upset can all he can say is sorry and hang is head low.. and I guess I want more like I love you please don't go.. maybe I'm asking for too much.. maybe I just need to give myself time to forgive him?

Stop posting your answers in the comment box.

This is like a soap opera. This guy is hopping from pillar to post. Why are you still with him?
He has a baby, he is sending sexual texts to other girls and you want to know if you should answer his calls? Please.
You have been with him for 9 months and it has been nothing but drama. Why are you constantly compromising yourself for him?
You want to be told how to work on this relationship and this mess you're in is just that, a mess!
Leave him alone.

arijones, there is a box at the bottom of each page for longer responses than the Comment Feature allows. It is labeled My Answer. It doesn't have the same limitations that the Comment Feature does.

From your last posts/comments, I can see that you are still hurting over everything that has happened. The latest 'flirting' is just one part of it. Have all the secrets been exposed? Does the mother of his child know he is dating? Does she know about you? Have you told your mother about him?

I think you need to think about why you are still with him. Is it love or is it stubbornness? Are you afraid if you let him go you won't find someone else?

I really think you need to let him go for good. Totally No Contact. End the confusion and stop causing yourself pain. I know there is a man out there who will build the wonderful, long lasting, strong and healthy relationship with you that you and he deserve. I don't think this male is ready for that type of relationship as much as perhaps both of you want to dream and fantasize.

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maybe I'm asking for too much.. maybe I just need to give myself time to forgive him?

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Or you need more time to examine your own feelings, and the whole relationship over the last 9 months. You have enough facts to make a good decision for yourself if you take the time to see them clearly and not let your feelings get in the way. Then you would see that a 6 year plan after only 9 months of bring with some one is more wishful thinking than reality.

You are both strangers to each other, that's a fact, and have a lot more to learn, if indeed he deserves to be the one you are hoping for. You have to admit his behavior this early into this days he is not. If you allow bad behavior you will surely get it, and young and immature is no excuse for the drama and behavior you both have exhibited so far.

Yes take your time and think before you act for a change, and see if a better way to handle both yourself, and this situation can be found.

There is no hurry so think carefully and give this PLENTY of thought. As Cat has said twice now, does your family know the truth about him yet? That would be a good start.

Yes my family knows about him the truth.. they are starting to like him actually.I mean all I'm thinking is the good really does outweigh the bad. Hes supportive,he cares about my goals in life, he goes out of his way to make me happy. Maybe if I show you guys why I am staying with him through it all.You all say to break it off or 6 years isn't realistic.Why isn't it? I know you guys think I'm blind but you all don't understand my whole relationship and I can't explain it all. There is no more baby drama I have taken care of his baby and she is a joy.I am at ease with that part in our relationship.. it was a hump we got through. Now for this one other drama thing (which is the second big hump)I am going to forgive him only because I have only done the same.It was nothing sexual but it was still cheating. We both understand that we make mistakes we know that. But you all can''t sit here and tell me let him go because you don't know him like I do.. ha I remember once I was upset just because I couldn't get my nose pierced because I didn't have a car at school. He drove an hour and half to my school just so he can take me to get my nose pierced.. and doesn't have that much gas. You are right I can act like a brat sometimes and he's the only one that would sit there and here me whine about nothing. Even when I am doing bad things like smoking cigs. He told if I do smoke them again hel be very disappointed.. Im just going on and on and as I write I am confident on why I want to stay with. He has so much good in him. And you guys don't understand because I'm in mostly black area where every boy treats a girl like ****. That's no excuse but he is a good guy. I could have better . Live a simpler life and not be with that *******. But he's my *******. Again I think I had enough for this site because I know what is best.. I am not stupid as many of you might think. You all helped in a way so thanks.. but just let you know I only I will talk about my boyfriend like that not any of you.. you don't know him.. BYE

We only know what you choose to tell us. Our opinions are based off your words and the way you use them.

I hope we are wrong for your sake. I hope everything turns out great for both of you and his child.

I also hope you remember that we are here if you ever need more advice. We may seem harsh and you may want to ignore us, but we won't just tell you what you want to hear even if that is what you wish would do.