I have been married for 15 years to an Alcoholic, we have four boys together. Throughout my entire marriage I have suffered abuse, and being accused of cheating. I have always been faithful to my husband, but he has cheated on me in the past. We are currently separted, and I am in the process of beginning my divorce. I am not in love with him anymore, and he tells me the same, along with calling me every name in the book. My first child I had from a previous relationship is half black, my husband has ALWAYS hated my son, he calls him racist names and has gotten into physical altercations landing him in jail. Because of me being in a relationship with a black man he is fixated on me being a "N" lover, CONSTANTLY (whether he is drunk or sober) questioning my where-abouts and threatening me if he ever caught me with one. There are several reasons I am pursuing this divorce, but I am trying to understand the logic behind him accusing me of cheating?

He works out of town, and has plenty of opportunities to have an affair, is it that he is guilty over something he is doing, or just insecure?

P.S. It has never mattered what kind of reassuring I do, and marriage counseling was always out of the question on his part.

Honestly it does not sound like he has any reason.

Honestly if he has always accused you and always have pointed the finger to you. The obvious is he is the guilty party, he is the one that been cheating.

Trying to understand the logic in his attacks is not really going to help you in this matter. It does not matter the reasoning behind it. Just sound like this person is miserable and wants others to feel the same wrath.

I would ask how long he has been this way but I will not.
The best you can do is stay away from this man.

Joe

Sounds like he is a very bitter, hateful person.

Your better off going through the divorce. He is not willing to work on the marriage or on his own personal demons.

Never waste time figuring out what a drunk means when he is moving his lips, because he is always lying about something. He blames you because of his own bad behavior, and you should focus on celebrating your freedom from him.

I've had an alcoholic dad and an alcoholic stepdad. They both cheated on mom and the names they call people not only affect yourself esteem, but have a significant impact on a child's development and self esteem. Get out and stay out never letting this abuser push your or your child's buttons again. You and your children need therapy to get over this abuse to try and erase all the bad messages that keep playing over and over in your heads. People are people regardless of their color and the N word shouldn't be used, period.

I forgot to add, yes he is most probably cheating. Move on from his toxic behaviour and save yourselves.

Well done on pursuing the divorce. Keep going and stay strong.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Never waste time figuring out what a drunk means when he is moving his lips, because he is always lying about something. He blames you because of his own bad behavior, and you should focus on celebrating your freedom from him.

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Excellent advice!
This says it all.