We'd just returned from our 1-yr anniversary trip when my husband "strongly suggests" I leave town to visit my mother, because he thinks he wants a divorce and wants time apart to "think". I'm shocked, sad, etc... and the date is 12/11/06. I have already RSVP'd to a number of holiday parties, a wedding, and have over $1500 worth of gifts (for HIS family) to wrap, and our Christmas tree is only half-decorated. After much begging and pleading and pledging that "I'll do anything, please don't leave me", I drive 1200 miles away to "surprise" my mom for the holidays. Two days later, husband announces his mind is set, he wants a divorce ASAP, no ifs, ands, or buts. Nothing I can do will change his mind. He claims to have been miserable for the past 8 months of our 13 month marriage. We've lived together for 8 years PRIOR to marriage. His claim of unhappiness coincidentally coincides with his joining some political law group that met many nights a week, & the meetings sometimes lasted all night long. The pre-nup he prepared gives me only what I brought into the marriage and a pymt of $10k. Now he is claiming that he can't even pay me that! Yet he wants me & my property out of the house ASAP. My mind is reeling. My question is: After the divorce is settled per the terms of the pre-nup, do I have a civil case for extreme cruelty, or alienation of affection (when I find out who the other woman is)? Certainly putting a woman out of her home of nearly 9 years 2 and half weeks before Christmas is "extreme cruelty", right? I worked part-time in his law office, so my only income came from him. I was a dutiful, faithful wife/partner. I just can't believe that there isn't some law to prevent me from being turned out into the streets at Christmastime with only the possessions I brought into our relationship nearly 9 yrs ago.
HELP!?

I don't mean to burst your bubble. However….

People who live together as a couple for years, and THEN get married, usually end up in divorce.

The divorce rate is far higher for couples that lived together first than those that didn't.

Why is that you may wonder?

Well, one reason is why bother getting married.

After 8 years, you must have been comfortable just living, usually the “married” part is something 1 wants to do while the other one doesn't. And sometimes it is just a temporary solution to help a relationship that is in trouble.

Now I am oversimplifying, but the stats of higher divorce rate are true.


As for your questions.

He had no right to put you out of your home.

If you left, that was your choice, but until you were divorced (possibly legal separation), it was/is your home too.

No, you have no ground for cruelty, just because it is before the holidays.

Do you have grounds if you find out who the other woman is? That depends on where you live. In Ontario, you do NOT. Ontario is a no fault divorce province, meaning that you can divorce anyone for any reason, and the reason is not relevant. Even if there is/was an affair by either spouse, it is irrelevant to the divorce.

If the pre-nup says he owes you $10,000, then guess what, he HAS to pay you it. He does have a home right? So he can get the money.

Best advice, go see a lawyer of your own now.

Since he had taken care of you financially for so many years, he may still be required to do so.

Go see a lawyer immediately.

To Captain Forest: Thank you. You pulled no punches in your response to me, and I appreciate that. We reside in New Jersey, which is a "no fault" state, but also NOT a community property state. I am seeking representation for my divorce, but his being a prominent attorney is making it hard for me to find an unbiased person (think Betty Broderick, with no children or muderous intentions). Anyhow, I do thank you for your honest perspective; it is good to hear that I have a (wobbly) leg to stand on. Happy New Year!

This is a sticky situation. Alimony, "palimony", etc. are designed to serve as compensation for the years you've put into a relationship/marriage after it goes sour. Who owns the marital home? Do you own it jointly or does he own it solely? If he is the sole owner then you have no immediate right to it. You may be able to stake a claim to a portion of it in court but that'll take time as you know. For right now, you have little recourse other than to hire yourself a good, experienced divorce attorney who'll get you everything you may possibly be entitled to.

Thank you Cianci ~

He solely owns the home. I did not work, so he owns everything from the shingles on the roof to the cotton balls in the bathroom. He is allowing me to take the few items I brought into the relationship 9 yrs ago, my clothes, and jewelry gifts (but he has threatened to reclaim the more expensive pieces). I just don't see how any Court could allow someone to just toss someone out of an entire life with nothing. No notice, no clues, no warnings, no time to get a job and save some money. He has told me that since he & his father are attorneys, they "run the place" and have every area attorney & judge "in their back pockets". But I think that if any attorney or judge learned that they said that, it may help swing things my way, right? *sigh* I have a lot of calls to make to a lot of different law offices. Thank you for your input.