One time I came home from work and found a pic of a naked guy with a big erection on the computer. A year later I found secret email accounts with 22 memberships to adult dating sites. 3 were looking for men, the rest women. He flatly denied the gay stuff but admitted to"looking" at women. 6 months later I found 2 porno cds in his car. One was called "chicks with ****s" He denies that they were his, etc. I guess it's pretty obvious. It hurts so much, the lying and I'm sure cheating, not to mention putting me at risk! All this after 20 years.I have felt something was wrong for about 5 years, he always said I was "crazy" yeah until I found his secret email written down last year. It was so weird, I just suddenly got a feeling to look in his car. Let me tell you, this was well hidden! Feels good to talk about it. It's a year later and I can't get over it, or trust him at all. He denies any cheating and gets pissed when I bring up the gay thing. I wish he would just tell me, so I can get on with my life. Thanks

If he likes men and women he would be bi, but the issue is not really gay, bi or straight, the issue is cheating, and cheating is cheating, no matter if straight or gay. After that if it was just porn, many men are addicted to porn and will not admit it to others. But if he is hiding email address ( esp that many) and joining dating sites to meet people. Then that is cheating

I would say get on with your life

I am not going to label him, because I don't know what he is. He could just be curious. However, the 22 memberships to dating sites would concern me. With the amount of porn in circulation, there is no need to join one dating site to 'look' let alone 22.

I can't say he is cheating. I don't know if he actually contacted anyone and you don't say. I can say that I think marriage counseling might be a way to get everything out on the table and make decisions from there.

Would you have a problem if all he was doing was looking and he was honest about it? In other words, no hiding, no dating sites, no secret email accounts, etc.

Quite frankly, I don't think you trust him and haven't for a long time even before finding the email account. Is there enough trust left for you to stay or would it be better to leave regardless of his sexuality?

Personally, I would dump his sorry, lying, cheating a**.

You don't need more confirmation than what you have already assesssed, disovered, suspected, and confirmed.

Does it really matter if his interests are with males or females, or both.

The truth is there. Better to get out after 20 years, than wait another 20.

Had he wished to change, he would have admitted he may have a problem, five (or more) years ago. He is only attempting feeble excuse now, because a) he got caught, and b) you still seem to be buying it.

Think long and hard about the person you thought you knew. While you are undoubtedly reeling with hurt and confusion, it will eventually sink into day to day reality. Any extreme shock will take time to process.

If he was doing nothing wrong he wouldn't have to hide it.
Cheating is not just a physical act.
Building relationships outside the one your in is cheating.
Doesn't matter if it be male female or farm animals, it's cheating.

Joining 22 dating sites for any other reason than dating is too absurd to argue about.

One of my good friends who was married to her husband 23 years had similar "encounters" with his hidden porn.
No date sites but suddenly he was going to "work" at odd hours . Not dressed for work but more dressed up.

She bought his excuses, and her payoff was to come home from work to find a note from him telling her he had moved out with his new boyfriend

He didn't even have the courage to tell her face to face.

If it looks like a duck, and it walks like a duck, and it sounds like a duck, and it joins 22 duck dating sites...
It most likely is a duck

I wish you the strength and courage to do what ever it takes to make your life better.

Had to spread the rep, but you are right Martin, about both the ducks, and the farm animals.

I agree with some of the points mentioned. You do NOT have to join one much less 22 dating sites to view naked people... you can easily do that for free.

Now if he was gay... he wouldn't be interested in taco, he would be a sausage only type of guy.

That would make him bi not gay.

Now you do have to separate porn from dating sites... they are not the same and the issues are VERY different. Guys like to see skin... usually its women, but for some its either guys or both.

The Trans stuff might be out of curiousity, but who knows.. it might be more.

There is however... NO justification for even trying to pick up other people if you are married. Unless as a couple that's something you are both into.