I was in love with this guy since 2001 we did undergrad and masters together though we both are different streams of study but same college.we were so in love and by the end of masters he started showing lack of interest in getting married to me but he used to say I still love you.somethings happened between us I don't remember now,and I got married in 2008.he was still there as my friend but he never make it to my wedding.even after marriage he kept in touch with me,I used to type messages but I always make sure that its purely the friendship level.I always encouraged him to move on and find another girl and fall in love.he did try for that and he found a girl but they broke up soon later.the reason he told me was he cannot replace me ,whenever he is with other girl he always associate that its me.now its 3 yrs after my marriage my ex boy friend is still in love with me so madly and he is ready to take me back to his life and marry me and waiting for me to come back,he is an eligible bachelor and can move on with another girl but he is not ready to look for another oneand he is still the same one I know and loves more than that.. me and my husband is just like friends now we are living under on roof, we share evthg but no physical relationship,but somehow I'm confused that he take its lite and he won't get angry at me for not having sex.this really annoys me because I feel that he really don't care about me,I was expecting that he will ask why am I ignoring this to him but never asked it from past 4 months.what shd I understand ? Can any guys can answer this question why a man is OK with it not asking his wife why the hell you deny it?also on one side I have feeling for my ex boyfriend and I'm going nuts here... some advice or help would be grateful

So you were in love all through school until almost the end.
Then he did not seem as interested but still said he loved you.
Then you broke up and don't remember why, and married someone else
But your ex still is in touch and has decided he can't replace you.

And now , you and your husband are just friends , living together still
And you are disturbed he is not angry because you will not have sex with him.

Is this correct??

If it is I suggest you all find some professional help to try to understand
And repair your lives.
You may qualify for a group rate.

You all seem seriously dysfunctional and need counseling .

A word to the wise, cut the ex out of your life and deal EXCLUSIVELY with your marriage. You are distracted too much by the outside attention and not dealing with what's going on in your own home.

If this was not the case, you wouldn't be wondering about your husbands behavior, you would be doing something to get to the bottom of it, and see if it can be fixed.

It's a big red flag when an ex is hanging around waiting for you, and not living his own life. It's a bigger red flag that you allow him to, and have NOT been very strong AGAINST his actions, by stopping all contact with him.

That tells me loads about how you deal with issues, and that you are so capable to keep him around to see what you, and your husband do. No doubt you feed him enough self oh woe is me BULL CRAP, that he thinks he has a chance. I don't see you as being serious about either one of them, because why not work with the guy you married and tell the ex to beat it, if he wasn't your fall back plan?

That's a selfish lousy plan in my opinion. You would help the ex move on by letting him go, if you wanted to, but obviously you don't. You could also be talking to your husband about his seeming lack of sex if you wanted too, but you don't.

Hmmm, maybe its your own lack of effort in doing what's right and needed is your whole problem? That's what I think.

AMEN TALENIMAN! You're are very wise. I am just going to tell you a story in my life which is almost EXACTLY the same situation as this story. My ex wife and I had a son and I was military so I took care of her and my son. I got involved with playing video games a bit and through-out my whole marriage my wife was friends with her best friend who was a guy named Jason. Well Jason would never move on he kept on and kept on wanting to be with my ex wife.

It was to the point where I almost had to tell my ex wife to quit talking to him because he was causing problems in our marriage but she didn't see this because he seemed harmless being a friend. Now by me playing my video games it looked like I was ignoring my ex-wife but in reality if she would had ever asked me to get rid of them I would had thrown away my whole PC/Xbox to fix and correct my marriage. Well... I was head over heals for my wife. We had a lack of communication and we seemed to stray apart... having less sex until we stopped having any really. Well I went to Iraq for 2 months and about 2 weeks before I had came back I called her and she told me she was leaving me to move back home because she wasn't happy with me. Well the fact of the matter is... she always had her friend Jason around as a back up plan which me being the good husband I was I didn't want to tell her she couldn't be friends with a guy. Now I kind of wished I did.

Anyway long story short... we got divorced she moved in with Jason... and she was happy for about 6 months until he started showing the same signs as I did of playing video games and what not. Which goes to show her that just because they were best friends didn't mean that anything was going to be different. She just wanted to try the grass on the other side of the fence but lost me and will probably soon lose Jason. All because her selfishness she has hurt more than just her babies daddy and her best friend. Now by doing what she did our son will grow up in a house hold without his father and mother being happy because she didn't try to work on things.

My advice to you is the same as Talaniman. Work on your marriage and stop talking to your friend (as much)because any person you get with you're going to have faults and problems with them. Nobody is perfect in this world. The only thing that can make a marriage work is communication and detication. If your husband isn't abusive or anything else you really should try to work it out with him that way you can keep your friend as a friend and nobody else has to get hurt. I'd say keep your friend at a distance though. If you let him get too close he can and will suck you into himself and cause your marriage to fail and you will be on the same path as my ex wife.

I am not saying I am perfect in any way and it takes 2 people to cause a marriage to fail but I wanted to work on our marriage while she was through before we got a chance to work through our problems. I think that is a problem with a lot of marriages now days. Lack of commitment. I don't want to burst your bubble by telling you something you don't want to hear but this is probably the best thing for you and your marriage. Try some marriage counseling. It couldn't hurt and at least if it still doesn't work out you can say you tried everything you could before giving up.

It sounds very complicated and I am going through a similar situation except I'm not married because I'm too young to do so. Now then, if I was you I would listen to your heart there are 2 options but pick the one that your heart jumps to more at.
1. You could make a go at your marriage and occasionally talk to your ex as good friends. By making a go at your marrige, it might take a while but you might like to try and spend more time and fall in love with each other again, this is possible and/or you could try and excite each other more I guess, in any department/s you feel need to. Like I said it might take a long time but if you really want it then you will make the effort and time for him and him for you too.
2. If you really love your ex and want to be with him and possibly make a family, then maybe you should ask your husband for a divorce, after a long discussion, don't just bring it out of the blue if you care for your husband but have a good heart to heart of where you both think the relationship is going. Also agree that you will stay in touch and hope there is no awkwardness between you both, I doubt there will be any worried for you.
P.s If you go for the second choice then don't worry about the complications of getting divorced then re married but if like you said you and your husband are truly like friends then it might be a lot simpler to fill in the papers and then you can get re married to your ex.
Good luck and if you need anymore help then just contact me.