So I don't have a huge problem with a strip club I just would like it if my boyfriend didn't go to one, but he did. We have been together for 2 years and he told me about it but not till a month later. Which on this night he went he was actually supposed to be going to the state fair with me. He instead decided to go with his friend and leave me behind because I didn't get off work earlier. He then went to the fair with his friend and they decided to stay the night in the town and they went to a strip club, which when he told me what he did that night, he left that part out. He got a lap dance and I just can't stand it. I know it's probably insecurity and jealousy, but right now I feel sick to my stomach about it. I have never felt like this way about anything he has done "wrong", but right now my stomach feels like its in a knot. I just can't handle this, but I'm wondering if maybe I am overreacting and I should just get over it. What should I do?

Do you know what a lap dance involves?

He went with his friend? Do you think he was unfaithful?

He told you about it, might be a month later. But anyway.

Over reaction. Where is your boyfriend is he still with you?

Where does he spend most of his time?

You said you do not have a huge problem but it seems like you do?

Over reaction maybe...

It did happen a month ago, you may as well forget it. Maybe that's why it took him a month to tell you what happened. The question really is how long will you let this haunt you?

Well no I have never had a lap dance so I don't know what it involves. All I can do is guess that some chick with huge boobs and an *** is rubbing and shaking it all over him.
I don't think he did anything with her besides the lap dance so no he probably wasn't unfaithful.
So I don't know I might be overreacting but I still just don't feel comfortable with any of it at all.

Are you uncomfortable because he lied or are you uncomfortable because he let some woman do the bump and grind on his lap?
Personally, I find it a bit tacky and sleazy, if it bothers you that much and if this is something he is planning to do often you might want to leave him alone.
Maybe it was a one time curious thing on his part. In which case you need to get over it.

Depending in where you live, many strippers are not allowed to get completely naked, and in some places the dancers are not allowed to touch the customers.

In the end, he comes home to you. In the end, you found out about it from him, not from someone else.

Most likely it took him a month to tell you because he was afraid of your reaction. It's over, it's done. There is nothing you can do to change that.

Are you insecure in your relationship? I ask this because women who are secure with themselves and their relationships truly have little problem with this.

A lapdance. A girl, usually dressed, dances on a guy, always dressed for about 3 minutes for a fee, probably $20.00. That's all that happened. Do you read those gossip magazines or love novels, because if you do they probably play to your female mind a lot longer then this 3 minute dance he got from a girl who wouldn't remember him if she saw him on the street.

I think this speaks more about your relationship that he did tell you, but felt he had to wait a month. It seems like he wants to be open with you, but not deal with the backlash for something that is really not understood by other women, much the same way I don't understand how you watch a soap opera.

If what he did, makes you uncomfortable, then that is how you feel. It is not wrong, or right, or makes you jealous or insecure. His actions have concerned you, and your reaction is an honest one.

Had he gone to the fair with you as he was supposed to, none of it would have happened, and you would not be questioning his honesty. If he had not waited an entire month before telling you, you would not be questioning his integrity. Had he not had a lap dance with a female that he probably paid, you would not be questioning his fidelity. These are all things that he chose to do, which, just under the surface, speak more of him as a person.

That others focus on the lap dance, and the strip club as being harmless, I don't think it is. Honesty and integrity and communication have been breeched, and it has nothing to do with you being insecure or jealous. You are not wrong to feel what you feel.

If it was all harmless fun, why are you the last to know about it.

It puts a little crack in the foundation, in my opinion, which I won't debate, when a man lies. What he lies about doesn't matter, the fact that he did, does. It would also bother me, and I would be hurt as well, to be dumped in favour of him going to the fair with his friend. He could have waited for you. Instead, he chose not to, do the strip club thing, stay over in a hotel, and then decide to be honest after a month passes. That is also disrespectful.

Don't be turned around to think that you are a jealous, insecure, unreasonable person here. The problem was not caused by you, and you have every reason to be questioning the whole thing.

If the situation were reversed, and you dumped him in favour of going to the fair with a girlfriend, and you went to a male strip club, stayed over in a hotel, and didn't get around to telling him for a month, his reaction would probaby be in the same ballpark as yours.

Bottom line, let's not make this about women being insecure about strip clubs and lap dances. It has to do with a lack of honesty, a lack of integrity, a lack of respect, and a lack of consideration.