How do you know if someone really loves you after a 5 year relationship and a daughter of 17 mo, if that person keeps hurting you because of drugs? He was clean the longest before I got pregnant and until Madison was 7 months old. We separated for like 7 mo. He came back in tears, wanting to change but fell back with is old friends. I feel deep inside he really cares but the drugs are winning. Could I be right or is he being selfish all these years? What do I need to do for him?:confused:

You will probably get quite a few responses to your question because there are SO many others out there facing the same situation. First let me qualify my answer by telling you that these suggestions are only my opinion (but are shared by quite a few people).

He is suffering from a disease that very few can manage to recover from on their own. You have probably heard folks mention AA or NA. These 12-step programs are the most effective, in my opinion. But... he will probably have to hurt pretty bad before he becomes willing to allow something like that to help him. It requires a willingness to face oneself, admit there is a problem, and as a result of that conclusion... surrender.

My Mom once told me.. "You must love those drugs more than you love me. If you really loved me... you wouldn't treat me this way." NOT TRUE! When it comes to human relationships and substance abuse... The substance always wins until the addicted individual either gets locked up, dies or begins recovery. Your best opportunity for help (for yourself and daughter... you can't help him) is Alanon. They are always listed in your local phone book or 411 will have their number.

God Bless all of you... you just might end up with a closer relationship than you would ever of had without this "opportunity" to find out what's really important in this very complicated world.