Hi..
I am a hindu girl... I love a guy since 4 years. Actually we both love each other very much. We are in our final year of btech. The prob is the guy I love is of different caste. The major prob arrived when my parents asked me to accept a match they brought just 2 days ago. But I refused and revealed about my love. They did not accept as usually as all parents do. They started talking emotionally. They say they cannot hold their heads up in our family which is really very big and orthodox. I am still studying and will get a job after 1 year. But my parents say they want to get me married as soon as I complete my studies.
I can't expect my life with some other one... I don't find any solution other than dying.
*** help me... *** ***

You have time to find a solution that does not include death. By your parents' timetable you have a year. A lot can happen and change in a year. If this is the first person they have brought to your attention, I doubt they expect you to say yes immediately even before they knew about your boyfriend.

You have known about your boyfriend for four years, but they have only known about him for less than four days. Give them time to calm down. Just like you, when they presented you with a prospective husband, they have received a shock.

Talk to them. Keep the lines of communication open. DO NOT rush or push for what you want right now.

Make certain that you truly want what you think you do. Be positive that part of the reason you 'love' your boyfriend isn't because it was secret and is forbidden. Sometimes, we like people or things because we aren't supposed to. It can be a form of rebellion. Be certain this isn't one of those cases.

You have a year to work on this. There must be many Hindus within your caste who have more modern views about how meaningful the fact that both you and your boyfriend have good training for excellent careers, and how compatibility is so important. Parents who send their daughters to technical school can't expect them to follow tradition. Try to see if there are any sympathetic members of your extended family, who might be listened to the most.
If all else fails, you may have to decide if starting a marriage and career without your family is tolerable for you. If you calmly present this as a possibility, your parents may be more afraid of losing you than saving face in caste society.
Even children in the US who don't have strict religious and social rules suffer through parental disapproval of who their children fall in love with. Some run away, some are accepted, some stay and get married away and fight. I suppose it's true all over the world.

Really thanks for your solution. But I forgot to say that I hv a younger sister and my parents say she wouldn't get married if I do such things. My parents are still talking about that match. When I try to stop them by saying I hv to study they are not stopping

Really thanks for your solution. But I forgot to say that I hv a younger sister and my parents say she wouldn't get married if I do such things. My parents are still talking about that match. When I try to stop them by saying I hv to study they are not stoppi

Your sister has to understand and forgive you, and also fight her own fight. Talk to her, ask her what she would do if she were you, and what she wants you to do (but still do what you know is right). I can't believe that she would want you to sacrifice your life for what your parents are threatening to do to her as punishment for what you do!

girl_in_trouble, you can respond to the thread by using the Answer box at the bottom of the page. It will keep you from having to repeat yourself such when you use the comment box to reply to each post.

How old is your sister? Does she feel like you do or is she more traditional in her thinking?

Before you get too invested in changing your parents' minds, how does your boyfriend's family feel about intercaste marriages? Are they looking for a wife for him? Is he willing to go against them should it come to that to marry you? Is he discussing marriage with you or are you hoping for a future with him?

From what you have said of your parents' reaction, I am guessing that your caste is higher than his. Is there anything about him personally or his family that could offset their fears and concerns about his caste?

IF you are discussing marriage with him or if that is what you want:

Have you given any thought as to the differences in your castes and what changes you would be expected to make should you marry him? I think you need to do a search for intercaste and love marriages and read the stories that other people have posted. I will be honest that love and desire are not enough to make a successful marriage. You both need to have a good understanding of the problems you face going against your traditions and culture. You both need to sit down and write out what your expectations for the marriage are such as expectations for dealing with family issues, how to raise children, are you working after marriage or having children, what traditions you want to take forward, that past relationships are in the past, etc.


Joy, I don't think the parents are talking about punishing the sister, but instead are worried about the sister's chances for finding a husband with a 'scandal' attached to the family. It would be more like their caste and culture punishing the girl than it would be them.

What's your boyfriends thoughts and feelings in all this?

Don't panic yet, just stay on your path, and not be pushed to make any decisions yet. It has to be shocking for them to learn of your boyfriend after all this time. Let the idea sink in for a while, and do nothing, but get your education, and decide on your career. Then you and your boyfriend can discuss the course of action you both want to take.

My boy friend likes me very much and we don't think we are separate. We live like a wife and husband, caring each other very much. He says his parents won't go against him but just need time to complete our course of edu. It will take a 1 and 1/2 yr for him to settle. Now my parents want me to marry after I complete my 1/2 year course. We bluffed them by saying that we both are frns again and that he understood my prob of not being able to marry him. And asked them a 1 yr time so that I can settle in life. But they say that the match is very good one. My boy friend says he can convince his family. My sis knows all this and she has no objection. The one and only thing is the caste that's screwing all this. One thing for sure is my life will be happy with him. But the caste can separate my parents and me.

You live together?? That can't be anything they approve of. So why worry about them disapproving about anything else you do? Do things your way, and let the caste system take care of itself.

Yes we r both of same college and class. He came to my house many times before. We love each other deeply and madly. My head is turning round. I am getting mad of all these things. Is it a punishment to be girl?